1 00:00:03,712 --> 00:00:07,216 6:57, 6:58, 6:59. 2 00:00:07,299 --> 00:00:08,926 Seven minutes. Keep going, buddy. 3 00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:10,052 Frank, you seeing this? 4 00:00:10,135 --> 00:00:11,637 I'm working on the chicken parts over here. 5 00:00:11,720 --> 00:00:12,763 Forget the chicken parts, dude. 6 00:00:12,846 --> 00:00:14,181 Charlie is about to shatter the world record 7 00:00:14,264 --> 00:00:15,933 for holding his breath. He's up to seven minutes. 8 00:00:16,016 --> 00:00:17,601 Take the buns off the radiator. 9 00:00:17,684 --> 00:00:19,895 Forget the buns. We'll be famous after this. 10 00:00:19,978 --> 00:00:21,396 - Charlie, how you doing? - I gotta breathe, man. 11 00:00:21,480 --> 00:00:23,232 - Charlie, don't breathe! One more minute! - Buns are gonna burn! 12 00:00:23,315 --> 00:00:25,192 Don't do that! Oh! Oh! Oh! 13 00:00:26,068 --> 00:00:27,236 Come on! 14 00:00:27,319 --> 00:00:29,154 - Are you breathing? - Of course I am! 15 00:00:29,238 --> 00:00:31,240 You ruined it. We could have been famous. 16 00:00:31,365 --> 00:00:32,741 We could have been famous. 17 00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:34,409 - Come in! - Hi. I… 18 00:00:34,493 --> 00:00:35,994 Oh, I'm, uh… 19 00:00:36,662 --> 00:00:38,747 - What do you want, lady? - Ow! 20 00:00:38,830 --> 00:00:40,499 Uh, my name is Betty Canuso, 21 00:00:40,582 --> 00:00:43,460 and I don't know if you heard, but a week ago, 22 00:00:43,544 --> 00:00:46,088 Eastern State Correctional Facility was forced to release 23 00:00:46,171 --> 00:00:48,674 25% of its inmates due to overcrowding. 24 00:00:48,799 --> 00:00:50,092 Eastern State? 25 00:00:50,342 --> 00:00:52,135 That's where my dad is. Maybe they let my dad out. 26 00:00:52,219 --> 00:00:53,428 Did they let my dad out, lady? 27 00:00:54,513 --> 00:00:56,014 How would I know? 28 00:00:56,098 --> 00:00:58,600 I'm here because of a man named Wendell Albright, 29 00:00:58,684 --> 00:01:00,060 a registered sex offender. 30 00:01:00,143 --> 00:01:01,770 - He's moved into this neighborhood. - Yeah. 31 00:01:01,854 --> 00:01:04,147 I'm hoping that by raising awareness, we can force him out 32 00:01:04,231 --> 00:01:07,276 of the neighborhood and away from our children once and for all. 33 00:01:07,359 --> 00:01:09,361 - It's going on and on. - Is there something that you need from us? 34 00:01:09,444 --> 00:01:10,821 Because we're in the middle of something. 35 00:01:11,029 --> 00:01:12,865 Please post these flyers anywhere you can. 36 00:01:13,031 --> 00:01:14,992 - Okay, okay, okay. - Yes, yes, yes. 37 00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:17,035 - All right. - Thank you for your time. 38 00:01:17,119 --> 00:01:18,287 Out. Get out. 39 00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:22,541 Some people have no sense of my personal boundaries and property. 40 00:01:22,624 --> 00:01:24,334 Let's set the shit up again, okay? 41 00:01:24,501 --> 00:01:26,086 Holy shit! 42 00:01:26,170 --> 00:01:27,171 What? 43 00:01:27,713 --> 00:01:29,715 This dude looks just like Dennis. 44 00:02:05,375 --> 00:02:06,835 I do not look like this guy. 45 00:02:06,919 --> 00:02:09,796 - Are you serious, dude? - What are you guys talking about? 46 00:02:09,963 --> 00:02:11,632 - He's, like, 40-years-old. - Oh, my God. Look at his jaw. 47 00:02:11,715 --> 00:02:12,799 Look at his jawline. 48 00:02:12,883 --> 00:02:16,345 His jaw is exactly where I don't look like him. His jaw is fat and… 49 00:02:16,428 --> 00:02:18,514 - Go, like, this far back. - I never go that far back. 50 00:02:18,597 --> 00:02:20,766 When I do, it doesn't do that. 51 00:02:20,849 --> 00:02:23,101 I give you six to eight months before you start looking exactly like that guy. 52 00:02:23,435 --> 00:02:25,687 That's crazy. There's no resemblance… 53 00:02:28,315 --> 00:02:29,441 Hello. 54 00:02:29,525 --> 00:02:31,026 Dad. They did let you out! 55 00:02:31,109 --> 00:02:33,070 - Oh, my God. - Don't touch me. 56 00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:35,656 Right. That's how it goes. Hey, hey, come meet my friends. 57 00:02:35,822 --> 00:02:37,449 Guys, this is my dad. Well, Charlie you know. 58 00:02:37,699 --> 00:02:38,909 Hey, hey, man. 59 00:02:38,992 --> 00:02:40,661 Hey, by the way, 60 00:02:40,827 --> 00:02:42,788 real sorry about that whole heroin incident 61 00:02:42,871 --> 00:02:44,248 in the butt, but here's the deal. 62 00:02:44,331 --> 00:02:46,917 I had my butt filled like a Christmas stocking, I wanted to come, 63 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:49,711 I got a little nervous, everything came flushing out of me. 64 00:02:49,920 --> 00:02:52,923 Wendell "short-eyes." They let you out too, huh? 65 00:02:53,131 --> 00:02:55,175 What? No, I'm not Wendell "short-eyes." 66 00:02:55,300 --> 00:02:56,635 Didn't I stab you once? 67 00:02:56,802 --> 00:02:58,595 No, you never stabbed… Look, I'm not Wendell, okay? 68 00:02:58,679 --> 00:02:59,847 I'm not a sexual child molester. 69 00:02:59,972 --> 00:03:02,516 I'm Dennis Reynolds. I'm handsome and chiseled… 70 00:03:02,599 --> 00:03:05,519 Now you got me thinking. I gotta go look in a mirror. 71 00:03:05,602 --> 00:03:07,229 So, Dad, what are you gonna do now that you're out? 72 00:03:07,312 --> 00:03:08,689 I need a job. 73 00:03:08,772 --> 00:03:10,649 Tell you what. I just got an idea. 74 00:03:10,732 --> 00:03:12,276 Bouncer. Welcome aboard. 75 00:03:12,359 --> 00:03:13,735 Right. 76 00:03:13,819 --> 00:03:15,237 Good thinking. 77 00:03:16,613 --> 00:03:18,323 Can I talk to you for a second, you guys? 78 00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:20,576 - Oh, yeah. - Dee, that guy really likes your hair. 79 00:03:20,659 --> 00:03:22,911 Yeah, he does. This is a very bad plan. 80 00:03:23,078 --> 00:03:24,288 - What? - Which one? 81 00:03:24,371 --> 00:03:25,414 This man should not work here. 82 00:03:25,497 --> 00:03:26,623 - Why? - Why are you attacking us? 83 00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:29,042 Because this guy looks like he wants to eat me. 84 00:03:29,126 --> 00:03:31,003 Has he ever eaten anybody that you know of? 85 00:03:31,211 --> 00:03:32,671 I don't think so. 86 00:03:32,796 --> 00:03:34,882 No. But it'd be pretty cool if he did. Don't you think? 87 00:03:34,965 --> 00:03:36,717 Oh, yeah. Yeah, that is really cool. 88 00:03:36,884 --> 00:03:39,303 Think about the dedication you got to put into eating a human body, man. 89 00:03:39,386 --> 00:03:41,638 If he's got that kind of commitment, imagine what… 90 00:03:41,722 --> 00:03:43,348 Where's the telephone? 91 00:03:43,473 --> 00:03:44,892 Do you have plans, Dad? 92 00:03:44,975 --> 00:03:46,560 'Cause I was thinking we could do some father-son stuff. 93 00:03:46,643 --> 00:03:47,895 Have a catch. Talk. 94 00:03:47,978 --> 00:03:51,273 No, I'm not gonna do that. But, I'll tell you what. 95 00:03:51,356 --> 00:03:54,026 Here's a list of, uh, all the people I, uh, 96 00:03:54,109 --> 00:03:56,695 promised to visit after I got out of prison. 97 00:03:56,778 --> 00:03:59,031 Maybe you can drive me around, 98 00:03:59,114 --> 00:04:01,241 help me take care of a few of 'em? 99 00:04:01,408 --> 00:04:03,493 Take care of a few of 'em? Okay, yeah. That sounds cool. 100 00:04:03,577 --> 00:04:04,912 You got a car? 101 00:04:05,037 --> 00:04:07,080 No. Dennis does, but he won't give me the keys. 102 00:04:08,040 --> 00:04:09,708 That won't be a problem. 103 00:04:11,251 --> 00:04:13,378 I don't want Mac's dad working at our bar. 104 00:04:13,462 --> 00:04:14,505 I was looking in the mirror, 105 00:04:14,588 --> 00:04:16,256 and I gotta tell you, looks pretty good in here. 106 00:04:16,381 --> 00:04:18,217 - Jaw line looks good, hairline's good. - Are you listening to me? 107 00:04:18,300 --> 00:04:21,386 - I don't want to get eaten. - He eats people? That's awesome. 108 00:04:21,470 --> 00:04:22,679 That's not awesome. Why do you guys think 109 00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:24,723 - that eating people is awesome? - It just is. 110 00:04:24,806 --> 00:04:27,476 - Asshole! - What? Did you see that? 111 00:04:27,559 --> 00:04:29,728 Yeah, I saw that. I need your help, okay? 112 00:04:29,811 --> 00:04:30,854 You're part owner of the bar, 113 00:04:30,938 --> 00:04:32,940 and you're probably the only person that Mac listens to, 114 00:04:33,023 --> 00:04:34,233 and I need you to talk to him… 115 00:04:34,316 --> 00:04:36,818 Dee, you're blowing this completely out of proportion, okay? 116 00:04:36,902 --> 00:04:39,530 Mac's dad probably hasn't seen a woman in a very long time. 117 00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:41,657 As soon as he comes across one that's actually attractive, 118 00:04:41,740 --> 00:04:44,493 he's gonna forget all about you, just like every other man does. 119 00:04:44,576 --> 00:04:45,619 Why do you do that? 120 00:04:45,869 --> 00:04:47,204 - Pervert! - Dickhead! 121 00:04:47,955 --> 00:04:49,873 Pervert? Dickhead? Wait a minute. 122 00:04:49,957 --> 00:04:52,084 Why are people yelling at me in the streets, Dee? 123 00:04:52,167 --> 00:04:54,086 Could have something to do with that. 124 00:04:55,003 --> 00:04:56,004 What? 125 00:05:00,551 --> 00:05:02,219 That's gonna be a problem for me. 126 00:05:05,556 --> 00:05:07,391 - Take the TV, too. - Frank! 127 00:05:07,724 --> 00:05:09,393 What's going on in here, man? 128 00:05:09,601 --> 00:05:10,727 I'm leaving. 129 00:05:10,811 --> 00:05:12,104 It's been great, 130 00:05:12,187 --> 00:05:14,439 but I gotta get something more out of my life. 131 00:05:14,523 --> 00:05:16,358 Why are you taking all my shit? 132 00:05:16,441 --> 00:05:18,151 Well, it was really hard to tell whose was whose, 133 00:05:18,235 --> 00:05:20,153 so I just decided to take everything. 134 00:05:20,237 --> 00:05:21,738 You don't ever use this. 135 00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:24,199 I use that all the time. It's like the only thing I use. 136 00:05:24,366 --> 00:05:26,410 All right, slow down, Frank. Slow down. 137 00:05:26,493 --> 00:05:28,078 What the hell's this all about? 138 00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:29,830 Charlie, I need a woman. 139 00:05:29,955 --> 00:05:32,332 to cook for me and clean up after me, 140 00:05:32,416 --> 00:05:34,376 and someone who'll do everything I say. 141 00:05:34,459 --> 00:05:36,753 - That's just a maid. You want a maid? - Yeah. 142 00:05:36,962 --> 00:05:38,922 That's right. A maid. 143 00:05:39,006 --> 00:05:40,340 A maid I can bang. 144 00:05:40,924 --> 00:05:43,468 - Well, what the hell, man? I mean… - What? 145 00:05:43,552 --> 00:05:46,388 I thought we had a pretty sweet thing going on here. Am I wrong? 146 00:05:46,471 --> 00:05:48,932 We had a good deal going on. We hung out. We… 147 00:05:49,016 --> 00:05:50,893 You know, breakin' records, eatin' chicken scraps. 148 00:05:51,101 --> 00:05:52,853 - Come on. I know you're gonna miss me. - Don't hug me! 149 00:05:52,936 --> 00:05:55,981 Get out of my apartment. I don't need you. No, wait, wait. 150 00:05:56,273 --> 00:05:58,233 You know what, dude? Before you go, remember one thing. 151 00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:02,237 We had about the sweetest life that two men can have together, all right? 152 00:06:02,321 --> 00:06:03,488 And you're walking out on that. 153 00:06:03,614 --> 00:06:06,241 You're gonna have to deal with it. You know why? 154 00:06:06,325 --> 00:06:07,993 Because I need that bang maid. 155 00:06:08,202 --> 00:06:09,369 All right, fine. But I'll tell you what. 156 00:06:09,453 --> 00:06:11,580 You're not gonna do very well out there without this guy. 157 00:06:11,705 --> 00:06:13,415 'Cause I may not be much, Frank, but, uh… 158 00:06:13,498 --> 00:06:15,959 I think you'll find that I'm a pretty sweet deal 159 00:06:16,043 --> 00:06:17,211 once you're out there on your own. 160 00:06:17,294 --> 00:06:18,420 And I'll tell you what else. 161 00:06:18,504 --> 00:06:20,881 You're not gonna find a bang maid, 'cause there's no such thing. 162 00:06:21,131 --> 00:06:22,341 I already did. 163 00:06:22,424 --> 00:06:24,468 Your mom. Good-bye. 164 00:06:33,352 --> 00:06:35,938 Okay, let's go. 165 00:06:36,980 --> 00:06:39,358 It's been about 30 minutes, Dad. What were you doing up there? 166 00:06:39,441 --> 00:06:41,443 Hmm? Oh, just, uh, 167 00:06:41,527 --> 00:06:44,196 keeping up with my, uh, correspondence. 168 00:06:44,279 --> 00:06:46,740 Oh, that sounds nice. How'd it go? 169 00:06:47,282 --> 00:06:50,118 Well, there was a bit of a struggle, but, uh, 170 00:06:50,869 --> 00:06:53,080 - it turned out just fine. - Oh, good. 171 00:06:53,580 --> 00:06:56,500 Good. So, um… I was thinking we could hang out, you know. 172 00:06:56,583 --> 00:06:59,378 I was thinking we could go on a double date. Go onto match.com, 173 00:06:59,461 --> 00:07:01,880 find us a few hot ladies. What do you think? 174 00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:03,674 No. 175 00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:05,259 No. Okay. Ooh! 176 00:07:05,551 --> 00:07:07,010 We could go on a road trip. 177 00:07:07,094 --> 00:07:09,263 Hey, Dad, let's go to Cooperstown, New York. 178 00:07:09,346 --> 00:07:12,224 I have always wanted to go to the baseball hall of fame with my dad. 179 00:07:12,307 --> 00:07:14,768 - Do you want to do that with me? - Start the car. 180 00:07:15,561 --> 00:07:17,104 Okay. 181 00:07:17,187 --> 00:07:20,732 I'll start the car. That's fine. Um, just school me again here. 182 00:07:20,816 --> 00:07:24,820 Is it the yellow one to the black one, or is there orange involved? 183 00:07:24,903 --> 00:07:26,572 - Red. - Red. Just red. 184 00:07:26,655 --> 00:07:28,866 Here we go. Teamwork, right? 185 00:07:28,949 --> 00:07:30,576 A little father-son teamwork. 186 00:07:32,119 --> 00:07:34,413 Okay, here we go. Put on your seat belt. 187 00:07:35,956 --> 00:07:37,374 Or don't. Here we go. 188 00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:41,211 It looks great. Stop fiddling with it. 189 00:07:41,295 --> 00:07:43,380 I know it looks great, Dee. I just want to make sure the glue holds. 190 00:07:43,463 --> 00:07:45,424 Remember, this is a twofold operation. We want to prove 191 00:07:45,507 --> 00:07:47,176 that you're not Wendell Albright, 192 00:07:47,259 --> 00:07:49,720 - but prove that you are a good guy. - Good guy? 193 00:07:49,803 --> 00:07:52,514 - Check. That comes naturally for me. - Great. Now step one. 194 00:07:52,598 --> 00:07:55,225 This guy's a little paunchy, right? You're not. You got a great body. 195 00:07:55,309 --> 00:07:57,436 But how are we supposed to see that with this billowy shirt you got on? 196 00:07:57,519 --> 00:08:00,230 - Pop that thing off. - Whoa. Wait a second, Dee. 197 00:08:00,606 --> 00:08:02,858 I can't just pop my shirt off in the middle of a park. You crazy? 198 00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:04,193 I feel like you're not using your head. 199 00:08:04,318 --> 00:08:05,444 What better way to differentiate you 200 00:08:05,527 --> 00:08:08,447 from this fatty than by showing off this amazing body you got? 201 00:08:09,531 --> 00:08:11,158 There is an amazing body under this shirt. 202 00:08:11,283 --> 00:08:12,784 I'm gonna pop the shirt off. I need to show it. 203 00:08:12,868 --> 00:08:16,038 This is what I'm thinking. You go over there and put on some sort of 204 00:08:16,163 --> 00:08:17,789 a fitness clinic for these kids, right? 205 00:08:17,873 --> 00:08:19,958 Show that you care about their physical body. 206 00:08:20,125 --> 00:08:21,627 I care about the kids. That I would never hurt the kids, 207 00:08:21,710 --> 00:08:22,878 but that I care about them. 208 00:08:22,961 --> 00:08:24,838 - Absolutely. - I'm gonna go do that right now. 209 00:08:25,005 --> 00:08:27,758 Take a lap. Work those monkey bars. 210 00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:33,805 Hey, fellas. Hi, there. 211 00:08:33,889 --> 00:08:38,268 I am working with a program that assimilates convicted child molesters 212 00:08:38,352 --> 00:08:39,895 right back into your neighborhood. 213 00:08:40,604 --> 00:08:42,564 Kids, how you doing today? 214 00:08:42,648 --> 00:08:44,399 It's a beautiful day, isn't it? 215 00:08:44,483 --> 00:08:45,651 Here, gather around for a second. 216 00:08:45,734 --> 00:08:47,819 I want to talk to you kids about physical fitness. 217 00:08:48,070 --> 00:08:51,073 Now we're not responsible for making sure these people are rehabilitated, 218 00:08:51,156 --> 00:08:53,534 but this guy's done his time and he deserves a second chance, 219 00:08:53,659 --> 00:08:55,285 don't you think? 220 00:08:55,369 --> 00:08:58,080 That's him right over there, talking to your kids. 221 00:09:00,541 --> 00:09:03,377 Yeah. Nice and high over that bar. 222 00:09:03,836 --> 00:09:05,462 So you can work those muscles. 223 00:09:05,546 --> 00:09:07,130 'Cause you want your muscles to pop, you understand? 224 00:09:07,214 --> 00:09:09,091 You see how these pecs, they're popping? 225 00:09:09,174 --> 00:09:12,177 Take a real close look at this body. This body is chiseled. This body is… 226 00:09:12,261 --> 00:09:13,428 you guys have a great day. 227 00:09:13,512 --> 00:09:15,305 Some people in society aren't very muscular. 228 00:09:15,389 --> 00:09:16,723 You should notice the difference. 229 00:09:16,974 --> 00:09:19,351 Let me show you another hamstring stretch. This is a real good one. 230 00:09:19,434 --> 00:09:21,979 You're gonna make your legs into a "V", just like that. 231 00:09:22,062 --> 00:09:23,897 You're gonna put your hands together 232 00:09:23,981 --> 00:09:27,109 and stretch out nice and low. Don't be afraid to stick your ass out. 233 00:09:27,192 --> 00:09:29,152 That's not embarrassing. It's a good thing. 234 00:09:29,278 --> 00:09:31,864 Get those hamstrings nice and loose. That's a real… 235 00:09:31,947 --> 00:09:32,990 Hey, pervert. 236 00:09:35,951 --> 00:09:37,244 Oh, shit. 237 00:09:42,916 --> 00:09:45,002 A dinner party? I don't think so. 238 00:09:45,085 --> 00:09:46,837 I'm telling you. it's gonna be awesome. 239 00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:50,465 Everybody's gonna be there. My mom, my dad, Charlie. 240 00:09:50,549 --> 00:09:51,884 No, Mac. 241 00:09:52,467 --> 00:09:54,344 I don't think I'm ever gonna leave this place. 242 00:09:54,428 --> 00:09:56,972 Nail clippings on command. Massages and hand jobs 243 00:09:57,055 --> 00:09:58,932 being thrown around like hotcakes. 244 00:09:59,433 --> 00:10:01,685 This is a party in your honor. 245 00:10:01,768 --> 00:10:03,937 We are celebrating your new relationship. 246 00:10:05,522 --> 00:10:06,982 Can I bring my bang maid? 247 00:10:07,274 --> 00:10:09,568 Of course, dude. You can bring anybody you want. 248 00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:13,906 - Bonnie! - Oh, uh, yes, Frank? 249 00:10:13,989 --> 00:10:16,283 Stop making lasagna. We're goin' out tonight. 250 00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:18,410 Oh. Okay, Frank. 251 00:10:18,994 --> 00:10:20,037 She's in. 252 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:21,455 All right, I'll see you tonight at 8:00. 253 00:10:21,538 --> 00:10:22,706 And the trap is set. 254 00:10:22,789 --> 00:10:24,666 - Sweet, bro. - What the hell are you doing? 255 00:10:25,083 --> 00:10:27,794 - Siphoning boxed wine. - Why? 256 00:10:27,878 --> 00:10:30,839 Why? Bro, this is the perfect plan, man. 257 00:10:30,923 --> 00:10:32,799 Dude, if we get your dad drunk enough, 258 00:10:32,883 --> 00:10:34,968 he's gonna be able to see past your mother's looks, 259 00:10:35,052 --> 00:10:37,429 past her skin, all that eczema and shit. 260 00:10:37,513 --> 00:10:39,640 He's gonna fall in love with her all over again, buddy. 261 00:10:39,723 --> 00:10:44,061 Now my mom, she gets so belligerent and mean when she's drunk, dude, 262 00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:47,189 she's gonna drive Frank right back into my arms. 263 00:10:47,439 --> 00:10:48,440 Into your arms? 264 00:10:48,732 --> 00:10:52,277 Into my… Into my home, into my futon and my house… 265 00:10:52,361 --> 00:10:54,446 I'm gonna have Frank back is what I'm trying to say, dude. 266 00:10:54,571 --> 00:10:56,573 Right. Where'd all these jars come from? 267 00:10:56,907 --> 00:10:59,535 - I emptied out all the tomato sauce. - Hmm. 268 00:10:59,826 --> 00:11:02,829 Seems to me like it'd be easier to steal the box than jars of liquid. 269 00:11:02,913 --> 00:11:04,915 No. No. The jars are… 270 00:11:04,998 --> 00:11:06,834 It's easier… You empty… 271 00:11:06,917 --> 00:11:09,795 Where were you 10 minutes ago when I was coming up with this plan, man? 272 00:11:13,173 --> 00:11:15,259 Okay, I helped you. In fact, I'm still helping you. 273 00:11:15,342 --> 00:11:18,136 I'm giving you ice for your broken face, so you call Mac now. 274 00:11:18,345 --> 00:11:20,264 What are you talking about? You helped me get my ass kicked. 275 00:11:20,347 --> 00:11:22,391 And by the way, I'm starting to think you did that on purpose. 276 00:11:22,558 --> 00:11:23,892 - What? - Yeah. 277 00:11:23,976 --> 00:11:27,563 Oh, how dare you say it. You call Mac right now. 278 00:11:27,896 --> 00:11:29,606 No. I'm not calling Mac. No. I'm not calling Mac, 279 00:11:29,690 --> 00:11:31,608 because you're not helping me with this molester situation. 280 00:11:31,692 --> 00:11:33,193 In fact, you know who I'm gonna call? 281 00:11:33,277 --> 00:11:34,611 I'm gonna call Mac's dad. I'm gonna tell him you're available. 282 00:11:34,695 --> 00:11:35,863 I'm gonna tell him you were asking about him. 283 00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:37,197 All right, fine. I'll help you. 284 00:11:37,281 --> 00:11:38,532 But then right afterwards, you're helping me. 285 00:11:38,615 --> 00:11:39,616 - Yeah. - Dick. 286 00:11:40,284 --> 00:11:41,410 Yeah. 287 00:11:41,660 --> 00:11:44,079 Oh, Mom, you're gonna look so good for your date. 288 00:11:44,162 --> 00:11:46,081 All right, here we go. 289 00:11:46,164 --> 00:11:49,918 I think that should just about do it. 290 00:11:51,253 --> 00:11:53,589 What do you think? 291 00:11:53,672 --> 00:11:55,215 Can't see the TV. 292 00:11:55,966 --> 00:11:58,135 Right. I was thinking maybe you could lay off the TV, just for like an hour… 293 00:11:58,260 --> 00:11:59,344 Can't see the TV. 294 00:11:59,428 --> 00:12:01,013 Mac, can I talk to you in here for a second? 295 00:12:01,096 --> 00:12:02,890 Yeah. I'll… I'll be right back, okay? 296 00:12:03,098 --> 00:12:04,141 Okay, what's up? 297 00:12:04,224 --> 00:12:06,727 All right. Do me a favor, 'cause I'm really in the weeds here, bro. 298 00:12:06,810 --> 00:12:09,146 I need you to take some of these spaghetti sauce things 299 00:12:09,229 --> 00:12:10,522 with all the wine in them… 300 00:12:10,606 --> 00:12:13,066 - I need you to, like, empty all… - What are you talking about? 301 00:12:13,150 --> 00:12:15,694 - I am trying to set the mood in there. - Are you kidding me? 302 00:12:15,777 --> 00:12:17,487 I'm the only one in here! I'm the only one cooking! 303 00:12:17,571 --> 00:12:18,780 Is that my problem, Charlie? 304 00:12:18,864 --> 00:12:20,699 - What if we have no ambience? - Do you have any idea 305 00:12:20,782 --> 00:12:22,034 what it takes to cook in this kitchen? 306 00:12:22,117 --> 00:12:23,827 - Do you want flat ambience? - Get out of my kitchen! 307 00:12:23,911 --> 00:12:25,579 - Jesus Christ, Charlie. Jesus Christ. - This is a disaster! 308 00:12:25,662 --> 00:12:29,124 This disaster's on your hands, Charlie, not mine, okay? Whoa! Dad. 309 00:12:29,875 --> 00:12:31,001 When did you get here? 310 00:12:33,712 --> 00:12:36,965 Right. Right. Oh, uh, surprise, Mom. 311 00:12:37,049 --> 00:12:39,134 Surprise! Yay! It's Dad. 312 00:12:39,218 --> 00:12:42,387 You guys haven't seen each other in so long, huh? It's quite exciting. 313 00:12:42,471 --> 00:12:44,014 Right. 314 00:12:44,097 --> 00:12:46,308 Hey, Dad. Dad, doesn't Mom look pretty? 315 00:12:46,433 --> 00:12:47,726 - No. - Oh, boy. 316 00:12:47,935 --> 00:12:50,145 Oh, boy. Here we go. 317 00:12:50,229 --> 00:12:51,647 Our guests have arrived. 318 00:12:51,730 --> 00:12:53,982 Oh, sorry. Almost, uh, touched you again. 319 00:12:54,066 --> 00:12:56,151 Okay, guys. You guys ready? Are you ready? 320 00:12:56,985 --> 00:12:59,029 All right, you look ready. Let's do it. 321 00:12:59,112 --> 00:13:01,448 - It's all happening. Hello. - Hi. 322 00:13:01,532 --> 00:13:03,033 - Welcome. Welcome. - Thank you. 323 00:13:03,116 --> 00:13:04,451 - You look good. - Thanks. 324 00:13:04,535 --> 00:13:06,495 - Can I take your coats? - Bonnie, coat. 325 00:13:06,578 --> 00:13:08,163 - Oh. - Sit. 326 00:13:08,247 --> 00:13:09,831 - Love you. - Mmm. 327 00:13:10,666 --> 00:13:12,167 - Damn, dude. - Harsh, right? 328 00:13:12,251 --> 00:13:14,044 - Yeah. - I think so, too. 329 00:13:14,127 --> 00:13:16,505 The woman prefers to be treated like shit. 330 00:13:16,588 --> 00:13:18,549 I ain't never seen anything like it in my life. 331 00:13:18,757 --> 00:13:22,803 Attention, everybody! Attention, everyone! Your dinner is served. 332 00:13:23,011 --> 00:13:25,472 - Oh! - Pipe down. 333 00:13:31,270 --> 00:13:33,146 This is, uh, delicious, Charlie. 334 00:13:33,397 --> 00:13:35,357 - Why, thank you, Mac. - It's crap. 335 00:13:35,774 --> 00:13:38,110 Pure, unadulterated crap. 336 00:13:38,694 --> 00:13:40,404 Uh, Mother, how's yours? 337 00:13:41,405 --> 00:13:42,573 Um… 338 00:13:44,283 --> 00:13:45,909 It's crap. 339 00:13:45,993 --> 00:13:48,453 Pure, unadulterated crap. 340 00:13:48,745 --> 00:13:50,289 Well, I'm not surprised you're saying that, 341 00:13:50,372 --> 00:13:51,582 considering I took a crap in yours. 342 00:13:51,748 --> 00:13:53,292 No, he didn't. He's joking. 343 00:13:53,542 --> 00:13:55,878 Charlie did not crap into anybody's food, okay? 344 00:13:55,961 --> 00:13:58,505 Mother, you might be wanting to have some more of this turkey sangria 345 00:13:58,589 --> 00:13:59,923 to wash that crap down, right? 346 00:14:00,007 --> 00:14:02,134 No. Bonnie. She doesn't want any more. 347 00:14:02,509 --> 00:14:04,052 Shut up, Frank. You don't know what she wants 348 00:14:04,136 --> 00:14:06,138 any more than she knows what you want. You know who knows what you want, Frank? 349 00:14:06,221 --> 00:14:07,973 I do. I've always known what you want, bro. 350 00:14:08,056 --> 00:14:10,642 And I can give you want you want, man. Just let me give you what you want, Frank. 351 00:14:10,851 --> 00:14:13,061 I don't think so, Charlie. I don't think so. 352 00:14:13,145 --> 00:14:14,479 Okay, let's change the subject, shall we? 353 00:14:14,563 --> 00:14:17,524 Dad. Dad, maybe you want to regale us with a story 354 00:14:17,608 --> 00:14:20,027 - from prison, or my childhood? - Mmm-mmm. 355 00:14:20,110 --> 00:14:22,237 Oh, my. You were in prison? 356 00:14:23,655 --> 00:14:25,657 - Yeah. - That's very interesting, Luther. 357 00:14:25,741 --> 00:14:28,076 Now that you and my mother are opening up a bit of a dialogue here, 358 00:14:28,160 --> 00:14:30,287 Don't know if you've taken any time out of your dinner to notice her ample breasts. 359 00:14:30,579 --> 00:14:32,289 - What? - Charlie. 360 00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:33,540 Well, the man's been in prison a long time. 361 00:14:33,624 --> 00:14:34,791 He probably needs a woman. 362 00:14:34,875 --> 00:14:36,251 What you may not have known 363 00:14:36,335 --> 00:14:37,419 is that my mother happens to be 364 00:14:37,503 --> 00:14:39,546 one hell of a whore of a man-stealing woman! 365 00:14:39,838 --> 00:14:42,341 - Charlie, that's just rude. - What are you doing? 366 00:14:42,424 --> 00:14:45,219 That's okay, because my dad already has a woman, Frank. 367 00:14:45,302 --> 00:14:46,345 Uh, you have Mom. 368 00:14:46,428 --> 00:14:48,847 - She hates me. - That's not true. That's not true. 369 00:14:48,931 --> 00:14:51,099 - Mom, you don't hate dad, do you? - Oh, yeah. 370 00:14:51,183 --> 00:14:53,852 - Damn it. - Mother, I don't know if you know this 371 00:14:53,936 --> 00:14:55,687 but Luther happens to be a very successful drug dealer. 372 00:14:57,189 --> 00:14:58,524 And this might also appeal to the whore in you. 373 00:14:58,815 --> 00:15:01,026 He happens to have beautiful, sparkling blue eyes 374 00:15:01,109 --> 00:15:02,444 that just pop right out of his head. 375 00:15:02,694 --> 00:15:06,073 - I don't blink. - The man doesn't blink, Mom. 376 00:15:06,156 --> 00:15:07,282 Stay away from my bang maid. 377 00:15:07,366 --> 00:15:09,117 All right. Damn it, Frank! This isn't about them… 378 00:15:09,201 --> 00:15:10,494 - Charlie… - …or Mac or anyone else. 379 00:15:10,577 --> 00:15:11,703 This is about you and me, bro. 380 00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:13,997 This is about dudes living together, hanging out, 381 00:15:14,081 --> 00:15:15,499 sharing their bed and their home and their life… 382 00:15:15,582 --> 00:15:17,292 - No. That's not what this is about! - Yes! 383 00:15:17,376 --> 00:15:19,169 This is about… This is about people 384 00:15:19,253 --> 00:15:21,713 meeting back up after many years and sparks flying… 385 00:15:21,797 --> 00:15:24,675 And families getting back together and raising little boys 386 00:15:24,758 --> 00:15:26,260 so they can be happy again! 387 00:15:26,343 --> 00:15:28,887 Okay? Happy boys! This is about happy boys! 388 00:15:29,096 --> 00:15:30,389 Bonnie… 389 00:15:30,472 --> 00:15:31,682 I'll call you sometime. 390 00:15:31,849 --> 00:15:32,891 - No! - That's it! 391 00:15:33,016 --> 00:15:34,518 Oh, that's it! That's it! 392 00:15:34,768 --> 00:15:36,854 - Ah, it's on! - You've ruined this, 393 00:15:36,937 --> 00:15:38,146 and I'll never forgive you. 394 00:15:38,272 --> 00:15:40,148 - We're out of here. - I will never forgive you. 395 00:15:40,482 --> 00:15:42,359 Oh, come on. You'll forgive me. 396 00:15:42,568 --> 00:15:45,571 Mmm! And the seed is planted. 397 00:15:49,992 --> 00:15:51,285 All right, listen, douche bag, 398 00:15:51,493 --> 00:15:53,871 apparently people think we look alike. Personally, I don't see it. 399 00:15:54,037 --> 00:15:56,540 Holy shit! No. Yeah, I see that. 400 00:15:56,623 --> 00:15:59,334 We got the same eyes, same nose, same lips, same… 401 00:15:59,543 --> 00:16:01,003 - And the chin. - What are you doing? 402 00:16:01,336 --> 00:16:04,339 That's what it is. It's all in here is the same. Same jaw line and chin… 403 00:16:04,590 --> 00:16:06,675 But look at his whole neck parts. 404 00:16:06,800 --> 00:16:08,552 - Yeah, it's right in here. - Mmm-hmm. It's all there. 405 00:16:08,719 --> 00:16:11,263 - What? Who are you here to help? - But look at his… 406 00:16:11,346 --> 00:16:14,308 I have a chiseled, noble… That's not the point. 407 00:16:14,391 --> 00:16:16,310 The point is you got to leave so I can live my life in peace. 408 00:16:16,393 --> 00:16:20,063 Listen, pal. This is a pretty sweet situation I got going here. 409 00:16:20,147 --> 00:16:21,732 You're out there looking like me, 410 00:16:21,815 --> 00:16:25,402 taking all my heat while I'm in here watching the Disney channel all day long. 411 00:16:25,485 --> 00:16:26,820 Why the hell would I move? 412 00:16:27,196 --> 00:16:28,864 We were afraid it might come to that. 413 00:16:28,947 --> 00:16:30,574 Timmy, could you come out here for a second? 414 00:16:31,658 --> 00:16:34,536 Timmy, will you recite for our husky friend here 415 00:16:34,620 --> 00:16:36,955 the little courtroom speech we prepared? 416 00:16:37,039 --> 00:16:39,041 I have a friend. His name is Wendell. 417 00:16:39,124 --> 00:16:41,627 He showed me funny movies with fully naked people in them. 418 00:16:42,336 --> 00:16:44,880 He gives me juice boxes that make me sleepy. 419 00:16:45,297 --> 00:16:47,049 - All right, I get it. - He's silly. 420 00:16:47,132 --> 00:16:48,467 He's a tickle monster. 421 00:16:48,675 --> 00:16:50,344 Listen, kid, I said I get it, okay? 422 00:16:50,427 --> 00:16:52,471 He makes me taste things I don't want to. 423 00:16:52,554 --> 00:16:54,264 - He puts things in my heinie. - Ooh! 424 00:16:54,556 --> 00:16:57,142 Goddamn it! Will you make the kid stop? Come on. 425 00:16:57,643 --> 00:16:59,478 - Yeah, I think that ought to do it. - Yeah. That's good, Timmy. 426 00:16:59,561 --> 00:17:00,562 So you'll leave? 427 00:17:01,063 --> 00:17:03,732 Yeah, I'll leave. 428 00:17:08,612 --> 00:17:10,280 Lady 429 00:17:10,364 --> 00:17:12,699 When you're with me I'm smiling 430 00:17:15,619 --> 00:17:17,120 Give me 431 00:17:17,204 --> 00:17:19,790 Whoa-oa-oa All your love 432 00:17:19,873 --> 00:17:21,208 - So I say that went very well. - Shut up, Charlie. 433 00:17:21,291 --> 00:17:22,376 Didn't you think it went well? 434 00:17:22,459 --> 00:17:26,129 Hey, hey, hey. I agree with Charlie. I thought it was nice. 435 00:17:26,213 --> 00:17:27,589 - Hey, pull over. Pull over. - Here? 436 00:17:27,673 --> 00:17:28,799 Yeah, yeah. 437 00:17:29,633 --> 00:17:31,718 What, do you have another name on your correspondence list? 438 00:17:31,802 --> 00:17:34,346 Yeah. Okay. 439 00:17:34,429 --> 00:17:37,599 You two, stay right here. This one 440 00:17:37,683 --> 00:17:39,476 shouldn't take long. 441 00:17:42,354 --> 00:17:43,939 - Bro, can I talk to you for one second? - Yeah. 442 00:17:44,022 --> 00:17:46,066 - What the hell's up with that? It's weird. - I don't know. 443 00:17:46,149 --> 00:17:48,485 - This shit-eating behavior. - He's acting very weird about this list. 444 00:17:48,569 --> 00:17:49,736 What's up with this correspondence list? 445 00:17:49,987 --> 00:17:51,113 I don't know. I mean, who are these people? 446 00:17:51,196 --> 00:17:54,199 "Judge Hatcher. District Attorney Andrews. Warden Phillips." 447 00:17:54,283 --> 00:17:56,618 What? I think he's killing those people. 448 00:17:56,994 --> 00:17:58,328 - Charlie. - Holy shit! 449 00:17:58,412 --> 00:18:00,414 He's killing… He's probably eating them, too, dude. 450 00:18:00,497 --> 00:18:03,208 And although I think eating people is very cool, not if we're involved. 451 00:18:03,292 --> 00:18:06,128 - Charlie, he is not killing anybody, okay? - We're accomplices. 452 00:18:06,211 --> 00:18:07,629 No, we are not. 453 00:18:07,713 --> 00:18:09,548 He told me that these are people from his past, 454 00:18:09,631 --> 00:18:10,716 and he's got to take care of them. 455 00:18:10,799 --> 00:18:12,926 And once he takes care of them, he's gonna take care of me. 456 00:18:13,010 --> 00:18:15,387 Oh, my God! 457 00:18:15,470 --> 00:18:18,390 - Wait, that doesn't sound good. - That doesn't sound good at all for you. 458 00:18:18,515 --> 00:18:20,392 I'm on the list, of course, and then… 459 00:18:20,475 --> 00:18:21,602 - Uh-oh. - What? 460 00:18:21,685 --> 00:18:22,811 - Number 12. - What? 461 00:18:22,895 --> 00:18:24,021 - "Charlie." - What? 462 00:18:24,104 --> 00:18:25,439 - "Charlie." - Why am I on there? 463 00:18:25,522 --> 00:18:27,691 - I don't know. - I don't belong on there! That's bullshit! 464 00:18:27,774 --> 00:18:29,735 You don't put a man on a list! Rip it off! 465 00:18:29,818 --> 00:18:32,279 You think he memorized it? Of course he did. That's pointless. 466 00:18:32,362 --> 00:18:34,865 - Okay, I… - What's this about? Why am I on the list? 467 00:18:34,948 --> 00:18:37,034 - Charlie… - It's the heroin thing. 468 00:18:37,201 --> 00:18:38,660 - Remember when he asked us to put… - Yes. 469 00:18:38,744 --> 00:18:40,579 …heroin in our butts and smuggle it into prison and we didn't do it? 470 00:18:40,662 --> 00:18:42,289 Now he's all hot and bothered, 471 00:18:42,372 --> 00:18:44,458 'cause we don't give him heroin? We don't put it in our butts? 472 00:18:44,541 --> 00:18:45,584 You don't do that! 473 00:18:45,667 --> 00:18:47,836 You don't eat someone 'cause they don't have heroin in their ass! 474 00:18:47,920 --> 00:18:49,880 Let's get out of here. 475 00:18:49,963 --> 00:18:52,508 - Hold on! Calm down, Charlie! - Red to red! Red to red! 476 00:18:52,591 --> 00:18:54,218 - Are you sure it's red to red? - Am I sure it's red to red? 477 00:18:54,301 --> 00:18:56,178 - You hold this one! I'm freakin' out! - Oh, my God! Red to red! 478 00:18:56,261 --> 00:18:58,222 - Red to red! - I can do it, right? 479 00:18:59,223 --> 00:19:01,475 - Lady - CHARLIE: Let's go! 480 00:19:01,558 --> 00:19:03,852 Of the morning 481 00:19:07,731 --> 00:19:10,359 - What can I do you for? - We need to talk. 482 00:19:11,360 --> 00:19:13,403 What is going on in here? 483 00:19:13,487 --> 00:19:15,656 Just laying low and breaking world records. 484 00:19:15,739 --> 00:19:18,283 - Don't even think about breathing, bitch. - All right, so here's the deal. 485 00:19:18,450 --> 00:19:20,494 Got rid of that child molester. The sexual predator guy? 486 00:19:20,577 --> 00:19:23,580 Yeah, he's gone. He's out of the situation so my problems are solved. 487 00:19:23,664 --> 00:19:24,831 - You had a thing, too, right? - Mac's dad. 488 00:19:24,915 --> 00:19:26,124 I want your dad out of the bar. 489 00:19:26,208 --> 00:19:27,668 - Great. Me, too. - Really? 490 00:19:27,751 --> 00:19:29,503 I'm pretty sure he wants to kill me, actually. 491 00:19:29,753 --> 00:19:31,255 Why would your dad want to kill you? 492 00:19:31,421 --> 00:19:34,591 Not sure. But we've been driving around in your car. He's got this list of names. 493 00:19:34,675 --> 00:19:36,510 - He's been checking them off… - Whoa. Wait a second. 494 00:19:36,760 --> 00:19:37,928 You've been driving around in my car? 495 00:19:38,136 --> 00:19:41,807 Uh, my dad made me steal it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry, dude. 496 00:19:41,932 --> 00:19:43,892 That son of a bitch. He's dangerous 497 00:19:43,976 --> 00:19:45,310 and I don't want him in the bar anymore. 498 00:19:45,394 --> 00:19:46,478 - Okay. - Are you kidding me? 499 00:19:46,562 --> 00:19:48,188 Dee, that's final! Don't argue with me! 500 00:19:48,313 --> 00:19:50,065 Mac, call the police. 501 00:19:50,148 --> 00:19:54,236 Good-bye. Good-bye, Luther. 502 00:19:54,319 --> 00:19:55,654 I'll wait for you. 503 00:19:55,821 --> 00:19:57,990 Oh. Okay, Mom. Mom, are you okay? Are you okay? 504 00:19:58,156 --> 00:20:00,242 Oh, Charlie, they're taking him away. 505 00:20:00,325 --> 00:20:01,785 They're taking away my Luther. 506 00:20:01,869 --> 00:20:03,954 Mom, I was… Mom! Mom, sorry. Can you listen to me for one second? 507 00:20:04,037 --> 00:20:05,747 Don't ever take Frank from me again, all right? 508 00:20:05,831 --> 00:20:07,332 He's mine now! I got him back, so… 509 00:20:07,583 --> 00:20:09,543 - What? - Officer. Officer. 510 00:20:09,626 --> 00:20:11,461 - We know everything. - What are you talking about? 511 00:20:11,545 --> 00:20:13,714 We're the ones that called you. That's my dad that you're arresting. 512 00:20:13,797 --> 00:20:15,883 He's been killing all the people on this list. 513 00:20:15,966 --> 00:20:17,634 Oh, yeah. You know, we looked into all that already. 514 00:20:17,926 --> 00:20:19,428 He wasn't killing those people. 515 00:20:19,511 --> 00:20:22,431 In fact, everybody on that list spoke very highly of him. 516 00:20:22,723 --> 00:20:24,183 - Spoke highly of him? - What? 517 00:20:24,266 --> 00:20:27,144 Yeah. Apparently, he was making amends with all the people he wronged. 518 00:20:27,394 --> 00:20:29,771 Then if he hasn't been killing anybody, why are you arresting him? 519 00:20:29,980 --> 00:20:31,815 Because he violated his parole. 520 00:20:31,899 --> 00:20:33,400 He's not supposed to leave the state 521 00:20:33,483 --> 00:20:35,402 and we caught him buying three airline tickets. 522 00:20:35,611 --> 00:20:37,905 - To where? - Cooperstown, New York. 523 00:20:37,988 --> 00:20:41,575 Said he was gonna take some guy named Mac and some guy named Charlie. 524 00:20:42,284 --> 00:20:43,702 - Oh. - You guys have a good one, huh? 525 00:20:43,785 --> 00:20:44,870 Yeah. 526 00:20:45,454 --> 00:20:48,040 Oh, my God. Dad. 527 00:20:48,290 --> 00:20:49,833 Dad! 528 00:20:49,958 --> 00:20:52,294 You did want to take me to the Hall Of Fame. 529 00:20:53,086 --> 00:20:55,297 Well, I wanted it to be a surprise. 530 00:20:55,380 --> 00:20:58,008 Oh. It is a surprise. It's a huge surprise, Dad. 531 00:20:58,091 --> 00:21:02,221 And I wanted Charlie to know there were no hard feelings about that whole, 532 00:21:02,304 --> 00:21:03,931 you know, heroin thing. 533 00:21:04,014 --> 00:21:06,099 - Oh. - Oh, my God, Dad. 534 00:21:06,475 --> 00:21:09,019 I'm so sorry for ratting you out and turning you in. 535 00:21:09,102 --> 00:21:11,897 Of course you weren't gonna kill me. I'm your son. 536 00:21:11,980 --> 00:21:13,440 No. 537 00:21:13,524 --> 00:21:15,484 I wasn't gonna kill you. 538 00:21:16,360 --> 00:21:18,195 But I'm going to now. 539 00:21:20,030 --> 00:21:21,698 - Huh? - Yeah. 540 00:21:23,659 --> 00:21:25,410 As soon as I get out, 541 00:21:26,078 --> 00:21:27,287 I'm gonna kill you. 542 00:21:28,622 --> 00:21:30,082 See you, son. 543 00:21:30,207 --> 00:21:31,875 See you real soon. 544 00:21:38,632 --> 00:21:40,008 Lady 545 00:21:40,926 --> 00:21:42,594 Of the morning 546 00:21:45,264 --> 00:21:46,890 Love shines 547 00:21:47,599 --> 00:21:49,226 In your eyes 548 00:21:52,104 --> 00:21:53,647 Sparkling 549 00:21:54,606 --> 00:21:56,441 Clear and lovely 550 00:21:58,235 --> 00:21:59,945 You're my lady 551 00:22:02,739 --> 00:22:03,949 Lady 552 00:22:04,449 --> 00:22:07,077 Turns me on when I'm lonely 553 00:22:09,204 --> 00:22:11,957 Show me Whoa…