1 00:00:03,629 --> 00:00:05,464 All right. You're definitely gonna get this one. You ready? 2 00:00:05,547 --> 00:00:07,424 - Uh, yeah. I guess. - Okay. 3 00:00:07,508 --> 00:00:09,343 He knew that if the gooks 4 00:00:09,468 --> 00:00:12,346 were to get their hands on the watch, they would take it. 5 00:00:12,429 --> 00:00:14,389 So he shoved it… up his ass! 6 00:00:14,473 --> 00:00:15,557 I have no idea what you're doing. 7 00:00:15,641 --> 00:00:17,059 Where is Christopher Walken? 8 00:00:17,142 --> 00:00:18,769 It sounded like Rosie Perez or something. 9 00:00:18,852 --> 00:00:21,980 Come on! That was a perfect Walken, and it's gonna win me the talent show. 10 00:00:22,064 --> 00:00:23,065 What talent show? 11 00:00:23,273 --> 00:00:25,734 - The one I throw for the pub crawl. - Are you doing that again? 12 00:00:25,817 --> 00:00:26,818 - Mmm-hmm. - Yeah. 13 00:00:26,902 --> 00:00:28,403 Well, it's not really a talent show anyway. 14 00:00:28,487 --> 00:00:30,405 She just gets the most untalented people in Philly 15 00:00:30,489 --> 00:00:31,698 to enter the competition with her, 16 00:00:31,782 --> 00:00:33,742 so she can win it, and then she never wins it anyway. 17 00:00:33,825 --> 00:00:35,577 No. Last year she got smoked by this chick 18 00:00:35,661 --> 00:00:36,995 who ate, like, 50 hotdogs in three seconds. 19 00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:38,455 - Oh, that was amazing! - That was not talent. 20 00:00:38,580 --> 00:00:40,874 Guys, guys, guys! I got some news! Some terrible news! 21 00:00:40,958 --> 00:00:42,668 We got a huge problem. 22 00:00:43,085 --> 00:00:45,337 Can we stop for a second and talk about this? 23 00:00:45,420 --> 00:00:46,463 What? 24 00:00:46,547 --> 00:00:47,923 What's with that jacket? 25 00:00:48,006 --> 00:00:50,509 - I was gonna wait on that. - I think we should go over the jacket now. 26 00:00:50,592 --> 00:00:52,803 - No, let's hear about it now. - First of all, it's not a jacket. 27 00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:54,555 It's a duster. It's like a jacket, 28 00:00:54,638 --> 00:00:56,849 only it's longer, thicker, and far more badass. 29 00:00:56,974 --> 00:00:59,560 I look like Lorenzo Lamas, and women find it irresistible. 30 00:00:59,643 --> 00:01:02,396 - Well, that part's just simply not true. - Either way, I like it. 31 00:01:02,479 --> 00:01:04,731 I bought it with the money I was gonna make at the pub crawl. 32 00:01:04,815 --> 00:01:06,817 So here's the problem. You know that Korean barbecue joint down the street? 33 00:01:06,900 --> 00:01:09,444 Mr. Kim's? Well, they just signed up for the pub crawl. 34 00:01:09,528 --> 00:01:11,196 Which means now they're the last stop! 35 00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:12,364 What? They can't be the last stop. 36 00:01:12,447 --> 00:01:14,575 We're always the last stop! That's the only time of year we make any money! 37 00:01:14,658 --> 00:01:17,160 They're also experimenting with a secret microbrew. 38 00:01:17,244 --> 00:01:19,580 Word on the street is that it's delicious and powerful! 39 00:01:19,663 --> 00:01:20,998 - Bullshit! - Yep. 40 00:01:21,123 --> 00:01:23,458 We're the microbrew guys! They can't take that! 41 00:01:23,542 --> 00:01:25,127 Wait. You guys have a microbrew? 42 00:01:25,210 --> 00:01:26,211 Yes! We make a delicious, 43 00:01:26,295 --> 00:01:27,671 - amazing microbrew! - Really? 44 00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:30,632 Oh, it's amazing. They, they throw all the skunk beer into a trash can, 45 00:01:30,716 --> 00:01:32,593 and then they sell it for $10 a glass. 46 00:01:32,676 --> 00:01:35,304 The point is we cannot let these Koreans steal our thunder! 47 00:01:35,387 --> 00:01:37,389 They wanna make a top secret microbrew? 48 00:01:37,472 --> 00:01:39,099 We gotta make ours more powerful! 49 00:01:39,183 --> 00:01:41,602 We'll make it so strong that people will pass out and vomit 50 00:01:41,685 --> 00:01:42,811 and vomit in their own pass out. 51 00:01:42,895 --> 00:01:43,937 They'll never leave and go to Kim's in the first place! 52 00:01:44,021 --> 00:01:45,022 Yeah. 53 00:01:45,105 --> 00:01:46,940 I will make this year's talent show the best talent show ever. 54 00:01:47,024 --> 00:01:49,193 - Let the men talk, Dee! Let the men talk! - What are you saying? 55 00:01:49,276 --> 00:01:51,028 - We're in the middle of an emergency here! - Guys, we gotta move on this. 56 00:01:51,111 --> 00:01:52,946 - It's the damn North Koreans! - Damn North Koreans. 57 00:01:53,030 --> 00:01:55,115 Wait. Wait a second. What makes you guys think they're North Koreans? 58 00:01:55,240 --> 00:01:56,783 That's the bad Korea. 59 00:01:56,909 --> 00:01:58,660 They're the sneaky, bad Korea, man. 60 00:01:58,744 --> 00:02:01,622 The ones on the top and they sneak down and they eat everybody's pets. 61 00:02:01,705 --> 00:02:04,374 I can't stand it! It's un-American! All right, goddamn it. 62 00:02:04,458 --> 00:02:07,002 That's it. They're gonna take our way of life from us. It's bullshit. 63 00:02:07,085 --> 00:02:10,923 Okay, gang. Let's solve this North Korea situation once and for all. 64 00:02:46,208 --> 00:02:47,876 - All right, that's enough. - No, no, no, no. 65 00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:49,336 - That's enough moonshine, Frank! - No, no, no, no! 66 00:02:49,419 --> 00:02:50,796 Look, we don't want people to go blind! 67 00:02:50,879 --> 00:02:53,090 - You can never have enough moonshine. - Goddamn it. 68 00:02:53,215 --> 00:02:55,676 Trust me on this. I know what I'm talking about. 69 00:02:55,759 --> 00:02:56,760 How's it taste? 70 00:02:58,887 --> 00:03:00,722 We gotta lace it with somethin' sweeter. 71 00:03:01,014 --> 00:03:03,350 We gotta add a little sweetening. Oh, Deandra. 72 00:03:03,433 --> 00:03:05,143 Could you be a darling and run down 73 00:03:05,227 --> 00:03:06,979 - and get daddy some antifreeze? - No. 74 00:03:07,062 --> 00:03:09,398 We don't want to kill people, Frank. I feel like you're not getting this. 75 00:03:09,481 --> 00:03:11,233 I can't help you guys. I have a very busy day. 76 00:03:11,316 --> 00:03:12,651 I'm auditioning people all day long, 77 00:03:12,776 --> 00:03:14,236 and also, you're not my dad. 78 00:03:14,319 --> 00:03:16,071 Winning a talent show that you throw for yourself 79 00:03:16,154 --> 00:03:18,240 is just about the saddest thing you've ever done, Dee. 80 00:03:18,323 --> 00:03:21,034 Now, listen. If this is all about boosting your self-confidence, 81 00:03:21,118 --> 00:03:23,120 why don't you go out and bang a bunch of random dudes 82 00:03:23,203 --> 00:03:25,622 like you did in the good old days? 83 00:03:25,706 --> 00:03:27,708 This talent show's very important to me. All right? 84 00:03:27,791 --> 00:03:29,918 And I'm not gonna let you guys steamroll me like you always do. 85 00:03:30,002 --> 00:03:31,837 Why don't you get Charlie and Dennis to help you? 86 00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:34,089 Well, Dennis and Charlie are out collecting intelligence, okay? 87 00:03:34,173 --> 00:03:36,341 Oh! You're playing spies now? 88 00:03:36,425 --> 00:03:39,344 Intel is the name of the game, Dee. It's all about the intelligence! 89 00:03:39,428 --> 00:03:41,847 - Then you picked the wrong two people. - Maybe so. 90 00:03:41,930 --> 00:03:43,682 But we do have a secret weapon. 91 00:03:50,731 --> 00:03:52,858 That would've been a lot better if I was wearing the duster, dude. 92 00:03:52,941 --> 00:03:55,110 Come on, dude. It doesn't fit you. It's too big for you. 93 00:03:55,194 --> 00:03:57,112 That's why it's so awesome on me. It's like, 94 00:03:57,196 --> 00:03:58,697 "Why's that guy in a giant jacket?" 95 00:03:58,822 --> 00:04:00,616 - Why do you take this away from me? - "What is he hiding, dude?" 96 00:04:00,699 --> 00:04:03,160 - I just wish you'd let me do it. - Can we just snoop around a little bit? 97 00:04:03,285 --> 00:04:04,912 We can snoop around, but… I should be wearing the duster. 98 00:04:04,995 --> 00:04:06,121 - That's the bottom line. - No, I'm wearing the duster. 99 00:04:06,205 --> 00:04:08,207 - That's the end of it. - Fine. 100 00:04:08,290 --> 00:04:09,333 We should drink a couple of these microbrews. 101 00:04:09,416 --> 00:04:11,293 Let's get some microbrews. That's what people on the pub crawl are gonna do. 102 00:04:11,376 --> 00:04:12,461 Yeah, I know. 103 00:04:14,338 --> 00:04:16,757 Two microbrews, please. 104 00:04:16,840 --> 00:04:17,925 All right. What is this? 105 00:04:18,008 --> 00:04:20,093 - "Pub crawl karaoke contest"? - Uh-oh. 106 00:04:20,177 --> 00:04:23,222 Bro, "Prize $500"? That's not good. Aw, shit. 107 00:04:23,305 --> 00:04:24,723 Look at that bracket. Do you think that's… 108 00:04:24,806 --> 00:04:26,308 That's what that's for? 109 00:04:26,391 --> 00:04:28,560 - Oh, that's for the karaoke contest, bro. - Oh my God, dude. 110 00:04:28,644 --> 00:04:30,479 - There's a lot of names on there. - That's huge, man. That's gonna… 111 00:04:30,562 --> 00:04:32,356 Bracketing is a very intricate and difficult 112 00:04:32,439 --> 00:04:34,024 thing to do, man. It looks like they got it down. 113 00:04:34,107 --> 00:04:35,317 I gotta get this intel back to Mac right away. 114 00:04:35,400 --> 00:04:36,401 Well, hold on that, 115 00:04:36,485 --> 00:04:37,819 - because we want to try the… - What? 116 00:04:37,903 --> 00:04:39,404 - The microbeers? - Yes. 117 00:04:39,738 --> 00:04:41,406 - Here we go. - Thank you. Thank you. 118 00:04:43,534 --> 00:04:44,993 - Mmm! - Oh, shit. 119 00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:47,329 - Goddamn it. That's good. - That is really good. 120 00:04:47,412 --> 00:04:48,539 - That's… - That is… 121 00:04:48,664 --> 00:04:50,582 - Mmm! - Mmm-hmm, mmm-hmm, mmm-hmm. 122 00:04:53,710 --> 00:04:55,754 - Son of a bitch, that's good. - They're putting somethin' in that. 123 00:04:55,838 --> 00:04:57,631 'Cause you can't just make beer like that. 124 00:04:57,714 --> 00:04:59,967 What do you mean? Like they're enriching it? 125 00:05:00,425 --> 00:05:02,636 - Are they enriching the… - You cannot… 126 00:05:03,053 --> 00:05:05,430 - They're enriching the beers, Charlie. - They're enriching their beer. 127 00:05:07,975 --> 00:05:09,726 - That's definitely enriched beer. - That's an enriched beer, dude. 128 00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:10,811 That's not conven… 129 00:05:10,894 --> 00:05:12,020 I've only tried enriched beer like once, I think. 130 00:05:12,104 --> 00:05:13,897 They're not allowed to have the capabilities to enrich beer here. 131 00:05:13,981 --> 00:05:16,108 - What is going on in this place? - Where are they enriching… 132 00:05:16,191 --> 00:05:17,860 Look at all these people, man. They're like, uh… 133 00:05:17,943 --> 00:05:19,278 Oh, there's like brainwash… 134 00:05:19,403 --> 00:05:21,530 - They're being brainwashed. - Notice how they're all happy and smiling, 135 00:05:21,613 --> 00:05:22,948 - 'cause they're drinking enrich… - How old was that bartender? 136 00:05:23,073 --> 00:05:24,658 - Was she 16 or 60? - You can't tell. You have no idea. 137 00:05:24,741 --> 00:05:26,827 - They're timeless. - They're endless and timeless. 138 00:05:26,910 --> 00:05:27,995 - Oh, God. - Damn it, dude. 139 00:05:28,078 --> 00:05:29,121 We are in big trouble here, man. 140 00:05:29,204 --> 00:05:31,039 Oh, shit! 141 00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:32,541 Look at that door, dude. 142 00:05:32,624 --> 00:05:34,042 See that door right there? 143 00:05:34,126 --> 00:05:37,379 The one marked "pirate"? You think a pirate lives in there? 144 00:05:37,629 --> 00:05:39,423 I see a door marked "private." 145 00:05:39,548 --> 00:05:41,550 Is that the… Is that the door you were talkin' about? 146 00:05:41,633 --> 00:05:43,177 - No, I was talking a… - Yeah. 147 00:05:43,260 --> 00:05:44,678 - I didn't say… - No, you… 148 00:05:44,761 --> 00:05:46,013 What did you hear? 149 00:05:46,805 --> 00:05:48,891 I heard you say you saw a door marked "pirate." 150 00:05:48,974 --> 00:05:50,976 - And "is there a pirate living in there?" - No. See, that's not what… 151 00:05:51,059 --> 00:05:52,728 Why would there be a pirate living in a Korean restaurant? 152 00:05:52,811 --> 00:05:54,730 Are we gonna talk about pirates all day? Or we gonna find out who lives in there? 153 00:05:54,813 --> 00:05:57,316 You're the one that… All right. Jesus Christ, man. 154 00:05:58,817 --> 00:06:00,819 Here we go. What's wrong? Come on, open it. 155 00:06:00,944 --> 00:06:02,571 - It's locked. - All right… 156 00:06:02,654 --> 00:06:03,655 I'm gonna try this out. 157 00:06:03,739 --> 00:06:05,449 - What… What is that? Your apartment key? - Yeah. 158 00:06:05,532 --> 00:06:06,742 - I'm gonna see if it's gonna work here. - That's not gonna work! 159 00:06:06,825 --> 00:06:08,493 - Why not? - We're not at your apartment, shithead! 160 00:06:08,577 --> 00:06:09,870 How many possible lock combinations can there be? 161 00:06:09,953 --> 00:06:10,954 Oh, so many, dude! 162 00:06:11,079 --> 00:06:12,623 - Like hundreds of millions. - Well, eventually they're gonna overlap. 163 00:06:12,706 --> 00:06:13,707 - They're not ever gonna over… - You know what? 164 00:06:13,790 --> 00:06:14,833 You're right. It's not working. 165 00:06:14,917 --> 00:06:16,710 - Oh, no shit. No shit. - It was worth a try. 166 00:06:16,793 --> 00:06:18,170 - It was not worth a try. - Well… 167 00:06:18,253 --> 00:06:20,297 Move over. I'm gonna, like, kick the door or some shit. 168 00:06:20,422 --> 00:06:22,174 - You're gonna kick it? - Really? 169 00:06:22,257 --> 00:06:23,759 - Damn, dude. This thing is like… - What? 170 00:06:23,842 --> 00:06:24,843 Enriched in its own way. 171 00:06:24,927 --> 00:06:25,969 All right. Let me try something else here. 172 00:06:26,053 --> 00:06:27,846 - Try a spin kick. Try a spin kick. - Spin kick? 173 00:06:27,930 --> 00:06:29,890 - Yeah. You think you can do it? - I'm not even sure… 174 00:06:29,973 --> 00:06:31,099 Okay. 175 00:06:32,768 --> 00:06:34,269 Sons of… 176 00:06:34,353 --> 00:06:37,064 - All right, I'm gonna kick, you ram. - Go! 177 00:06:37,523 --> 00:06:38,732 Nice. 178 00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:40,150 Good. 179 00:06:42,361 --> 00:06:44,488 - How is that not working? - No, I don't know. 180 00:06:44,571 --> 00:06:45,989 - Are you okay? - Yeah, I'm all right. 181 00:06:46,073 --> 00:06:47,199 All right, we're gonna do that some more. 182 00:06:47,282 --> 00:06:48,825 But let's get some more of that enriched beer. 183 00:06:48,909 --> 00:06:50,160 - Mmm-hmm. - I'm gonna call Mac 184 00:06:50,244 --> 00:06:51,745 and give him the intel. 185 00:06:51,828 --> 00:06:53,163 Holy shit! 186 00:06:53,664 --> 00:06:56,291 All right, see what else you can find out, and call me back. Good work. 187 00:06:56,375 --> 00:06:58,502 - Forget the microbrew. - What's the intel? 188 00:06:58,794 --> 00:07:00,754 - They're having a karaoke contest. - Oh! 189 00:07:00,838 --> 00:07:03,173 That's it. I'm elevating us to threat level yellow. It's time. 190 00:07:03,298 --> 00:07:04,550 - Yellow? - Yeah. It's time. 191 00:07:04,633 --> 00:07:06,969 - What were we before? - Orange, of course. 192 00:07:07,094 --> 00:07:09,096 Orange is much more threatening than yellow! 193 00:07:09,179 --> 00:07:11,098 No, that's an old system. It doesn't work anymore. 194 00:07:11,181 --> 00:07:12,641 - Clearly yellow… - You go from yellow to orange to red! 195 00:07:12,724 --> 00:07:15,143 Yellow is more threatening than orange! Frank, this is orange! 196 00:07:15,227 --> 00:07:16,728 - Have you seen this? - Yellow, orange, red! 197 00:07:16,812 --> 00:07:18,480 - This is yellow! See this? - Red, red! 198 00:07:18,564 --> 00:07:20,107 - Is this more threatening? - Yellow, orange, red! 199 00:07:20,190 --> 00:07:22,067 - It's backwards going to yellow. - Wow. 200 00:07:22,192 --> 00:07:23,735 - Elevate… - Color fight. Listen. 201 00:07:23,902 --> 00:07:25,737 I need you monkeys outta here, 'cause my contestants are waiting. 202 00:07:25,821 --> 00:07:27,322 That's a no can do, and I'll tell you why. 203 00:07:27,406 --> 00:07:29,992 The Koreans have escalated the conflict. So I've upgraded us to yellow. 204 00:07:30,075 --> 00:07:31,076 I don't know what that means. 205 00:07:31,159 --> 00:07:32,286 It means we're taking over the talent show. 206 00:07:32,369 --> 00:07:33,829 - What? No, you're not! - It's already done. Go on. 207 00:07:33,912 --> 00:07:35,581 Okay. You know what? I knew it. I told you. 208 00:07:35,706 --> 00:07:37,207 You're trying to steamroll me, but it's not gonna work. 209 00:07:37,332 --> 00:07:38,417 I'm gonna win this competition, 210 00:07:38,500 --> 00:07:40,043 and there's nothing you guys can do about it. 211 00:07:40,169 --> 00:07:42,337 You're not even gonna be in it, Dee. Look, you have to face facts. 212 00:07:42,421 --> 00:07:44,464 - You have no talent. - You're talentless, sweetie. 213 00:07:44,548 --> 00:07:46,717 Oh, really? Oh, is that so? 214 00:07:46,800 --> 00:07:49,303 Why don't you take a gander at this? 215 00:07:49,386 --> 00:07:52,306 No, Mookie. I don't wanna do it. It's too hot outside. 216 00:07:52,389 --> 00:07:54,183 Right? 217 00:07:54,349 --> 00:07:56,602 - What was that? - What the hell is that? 218 00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:58,270 Rosie Perez! 219 00:07:58,645 --> 00:07:59,938 - What? - That's terrible. 220 00:08:00,022 --> 00:08:01,648 Oh, come on! You love that one! 221 00:08:01,732 --> 00:08:03,692 You know what, Dee? You're a judge. That's it. 222 00:08:03,775 --> 00:08:05,527 Dee's gonna be a judge. And you know why? 223 00:08:05,611 --> 00:08:08,363 Because sitting in judgment of other people is the greatest way 224 00:08:08,447 --> 00:08:10,449 to make yourself feel better. Problem solved. 225 00:08:10,532 --> 00:08:11,742 And go. 226 00:08:11,825 --> 00:08:13,452 - All right again. - And go. 227 00:08:13,535 --> 00:08:15,871 You might have to give me the duster back. It's not working, man. 228 00:08:15,954 --> 00:08:17,331 Aw, it'll work. Go! 229 00:08:17,414 --> 00:08:19,208 - All right, it's not working, dude. - All right, okay. 230 00:08:19,291 --> 00:08:20,876 - I gotta use your head or something. - All right, yes, yes. 231 00:08:20,959 --> 00:08:23,128 Hold me sideways and use my head like a battering ram. 232 00:08:23,212 --> 00:08:25,005 All right. Now pick me up off the ground, okay? 233 00:08:25,088 --> 00:08:26,840 Why are you people ruining my door? 234 00:08:26,924 --> 00:08:28,634 - Yes! Good! Hello! - All right. Yeah. 235 00:08:28,717 --> 00:08:29,968 Are you the owner? 236 00:08:30,135 --> 00:08:32,721 I owner. I, Mr. Kim. 237 00:08:32,804 --> 00:08:34,431 - All right. - Okay, good. Well, Mr… 238 00:08:34,765 --> 00:08:36,642 Wait. You say Mr. Kim? 239 00:08:36,975 --> 00:08:39,478 Yes! I Mr. Kim! 240 00:08:40,187 --> 00:08:42,356 Wow. You should really do something 241 00:08:42,439 --> 00:08:43,815 - different with your hair, because… - Yeah. 242 00:08:43,899 --> 00:08:45,442 You're not coming across at all like a man to me. 243 00:08:45,526 --> 00:08:47,819 - You don't look or seem like a man. - Look… 244 00:08:47,986 --> 00:08:51,240 If you don't tell us what's in that microbrew, so help me, God, 245 00:08:51,323 --> 00:08:53,951 we will send you people back to the stone age. 246 00:08:54,284 --> 00:08:57,120 I no respond to bully! 247 00:08:59,456 --> 00:09:00,999 What are you gonna do about it? 248 00:09:01,375 --> 00:09:03,210 You're messin' with the wrong country, pal! 249 00:09:03,293 --> 00:09:04,878 That's an act of aggression right there, buddy! 250 00:09:04,962 --> 00:09:06,255 Does every Asian know martial arts? 251 00:09:06,338 --> 00:09:07,422 They have to learn it when they grow up. 252 00:09:07,506 --> 00:09:08,507 - That's right. - It's like school. 253 00:09:09,925 --> 00:09:11,760 Yes! 254 00:09:11,844 --> 00:09:14,429 Okay, okay. Okay! 255 00:09:15,806 --> 00:09:17,975 - Oh, God. Jesus! - That guy is such a dickhead! 256 00:09:18,141 --> 00:09:20,561 Look, you don't have to take that from him. I hope you know that. 257 00:09:20,644 --> 00:09:22,980 If I don't do what he say, he punish me! 258 00:09:23,063 --> 00:09:25,983 He terrible man, okay? Always, "Work, work, work!" 259 00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:27,401 He treat me like slave! 260 00:09:27,484 --> 00:09:29,069 - Slave? - Slave? He's got slaves? 261 00:09:29,152 --> 00:09:31,321 - He's has slaves in there? - What kind of a communist dictatorship 262 00:09:31,405 --> 00:09:34,116 - is this piece of shit running? - Hey, I no phone, no TV! 263 00:09:34,199 --> 00:09:36,159 I not even allowed to drink the beer! 264 00:09:36,243 --> 00:09:38,537 What? No! 265 00:09:38,620 --> 00:09:40,497 No! That is not acceptable! 266 00:09:40,581 --> 00:09:42,374 - You're mad about the beer thing? - I'm… I'm ver… 267 00:09:42,457 --> 00:09:44,042 - Are you not mad about the beer thing? - Yeah. Of course I am. 268 00:09:44,126 --> 00:09:46,211 Look, you should be able to drink beer. That's what happens in America. 269 00:09:46,295 --> 00:09:47,838 - Yeah. In America, you can… - You can drink beer. Look. 270 00:09:47,921 --> 00:09:49,882 I'll tell you what. You come down to Paddy's Pub, all right? 271 00:09:49,965 --> 00:09:52,551 We'll let you drink all the beer you want. You can smoke your cigarettes. 272 00:09:52,634 --> 00:09:54,178 - Mmm-hmm. - You won't have to deal with the trash, 273 00:09:54,261 --> 00:09:56,138 'cause I deal with the trash. 274 00:09:56,221 --> 00:09:57,514 - You do trash? - He takes out the trash. 275 00:09:57,598 --> 00:09:59,349 - Me trash. - He captures the rats. 276 00:09:59,433 --> 00:10:02,186 - You beer, me trash, okay? - I beer, you trash! 277 00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:03,604 I trash, yes! 278 00:10:17,242 --> 00:10:19,578 Holy shit, bro. Did you just see that? 279 00:10:19,703 --> 00:10:22,122 Yeah. She made a meaningful gesture towards me. 280 00:10:22,206 --> 00:10:23,624 She made… 281 00:10:23,707 --> 00:10:25,626 No, dude. She was gesturing to me. 282 00:10:26,543 --> 00:10:28,670 I had my arm out like this. 283 00:10:28,754 --> 00:10:31,006 - Yeah, why were you doing that? - 'Cause she extended to me. 284 00:10:31,089 --> 00:10:33,425 And then there was stuff in the eyes between us. 285 00:10:33,509 --> 00:10:35,177 - And my arm was at her. - All right. 286 00:10:35,344 --> 00:10:37,012 - Sure, pal. - Wha… 287 00:10:41,934 --> 00:10:43,519 But the dog was 288 00:10:43,602 --> 00:10:46,146 Buried by the bright sunlight 289 00:10:46,230 --> 00:10:50,108 And the old man died in his sleep last night 290 00:10:50,192 --> 00:10:52,861 And the young girl never did get… 291 00:10:52,945 --> 00:10:56,323 All right! All right! All right! That's enough. That's enough. Thank you. 292 00:10:56,448 --> 00:10:59,910 Well… Martha, you are terrible. 293 00:11:00,619 --> 00:11:03,747 I wanted to pluck out my eyes and jam them into my ears. 294 00:11:03,830 --> 00:11:06,750 I wanted to pummel you with a manhole cover. 295 00:11:07,084 --> 00:11:09,753 - There is no point to you. - Oh, no… 296 00:11:09,837 --> 00:11:13,423 Sweetie, I thought you were really talented. 297 00:11:13,507 --> 00:11:16,176 And I liked it, what you had on your fingers. 298 00:11:16,260 --> 00:11:18,262 And your hair is so… 299 00:11:18,512 --> 00:11:21,056 It's like it has a bulb on the front of it. 300 00:11:22,140 --> 00:11:24,434 It just wasn't happening for me, dawg. I mean… 301 00:11:24,518 --> 00:11:26,353 - What? - No, dawg. I was not… 302 00:11:26,436 --> 00:11:29,022 - It was the finger cymbals need work. - Oh! 303 00:11:29,147 --> 00:11:32,150 And the jewelry and everything just… 304 00:11:32,484 --> 00:11:34,736 It was… It was just okay, dawg. 305 00:11:34,820 --> 00:11:37,114 - Is it a yes or no, Frank? - It's gotta be no, dawg. 306 00:11:37,197 --> 00:11:40,117 - Dee? - Oh, I just think you're so full of magic. 307 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:42,452 - You're like a big, round wizard. - Right. 308 00:11:42,536 --> 00:11:44,997 Well, it's a no from me. So… off you go, Martha. 309 00:11:48,166 --> 00:11:50,794 - Why did you get so drunk? - You got drunk! 310 00:11:51,128 --> 00:11:53,839 - I'm just really exhausted. - What's in that cup? 311 00:11:54,256 --> 00:11:56,341 - Rum and cokes. - Why are you getting wasted? 312 00:11:56,425 --> 00:11:58,802 Maybe because you dicks stole my talent show. 313 00:11:58,886 --> 00:11:59,970 Do you have any idea how important this is? 314 00:12:00,053 --> 00:12:01,054 "You have any idea…" 315 00:12:01,138 --> 00:12:03,932 We're trying to save the pub crawl. Really? This is what you're doing? 316 00:12:04,016 --> 00:12:05,184 You know what's gonna happen 317 00:12:05,309 --> 00:12:07,728 if the north Koreans take over? They're gonna ruin our way of life! 318 00:12:07,853 --> 00:12:08,979 Get your shit together, dawg! 319 00:12:09,062 --> 00:12:10,355 Next! 320 00:12:11,815 --> 00:12:13,692 Duster, look out, man 321 00:12:13,817 --> 00:12:16,195 Here comes a brother the man is in a duster 322 00:12:16,528 --> 00:12:18,488 He's a superfine fantastic man 323 00:12:18,572 --> 00:12:20,240 He loves to wear his du… 324 00:12:21,491 --> 00:12:23,035 Oh, my God! 325 00:12:23,160 --> 00:12:25,621 Oh, my God! You scared me. What are you doing? 326 00:12:25,704 --> 00:12:27,206 I run away. 327 00:12:27,331 --> 00:12:28,457 Okay. 328 00:12:28,540 --> 00:12:30,250 Good. Uh… 329 00:12:30,542 --> 00:12:32,044 What are you doing here? 330 00:12:32,127 --> 00:12:35,506 I follow you home, because I like you. 331 00:12:36,882 --> 00:12:38,675 Nice. Good. I… 'Cause I knew… 332 00:12:38,759 --> 00:12:41,220 I knew that… Right on! Okay. 333 00:12:41,386 --> 00:12:43,555 - Wait. All the way home? - Yes. 334 00:12:44,723 --> 00:12:47,392 So you saw me eat that hot pocket I found in the garbage? 335 00:12:47,518 --> 00:12:48,769 Yes. 336 00:12:49,645 --> 00:12:50,771 Any thoughts on that? 337 00:12:50,854 --> 00:12:52,773 - No. - Oh, man. I like you. 338 00:12:52,856 --> 00:12:54,691 - Come on in. - I like you. 339 00:12:54,775 --> 00:12:56,401 Yeah. 340 00:13:02,866 --> 00:13:04,910 Hello there, Dennis. It's Charlie. 341 00:13:05,035 --> 00:13:08,413 How you doin'? Hey, you're never gonna guess who showed up at my… 342 00:13:08,497 --> 00:13:11,333 That's a very good guess. Congratulations. But the point is that I have defeated you 343 00:13:11,416 --> 00:13:14,336 at this little game of hearts and… And minds so that… 344 00:13:14,419 --> 00:13:17,422 No, don't come over. No, dude. I don't want you to come over, dude. 345 00:13:17,506 --> 00:13:19,550 Don't… Dennis, don't come over. 346 00:13:19,633 --> 00:13:21,885 Well, then why… No, I'm not scared. I just don't want you comin'… 347 00:13:21,969 --> 00:13:24,263 Goddamn it! No! Why did I call him? 348 00:13:32,813 --> 00:13:36,525 Good evening. I need to speak to Mr. Kim, please. 349 00:13:36,608 --> 00:13:38,193 I Mr. Kim. 350 00:13:39,528 --> 00:13:41,864 All right. Uh, Mr. Kim, my name is… 351 00:13:42,614 --> 00:13:45,951 Rita… Fire… Ss. 352 00:13:46,451 --> 00:13:51,790 Hmm, Fires. And I am from the National Health Inspectors… 353 00:13:51,874 --> 00:13:54,293 Uh, store. And I need to… 354 00:13:54,585 --> 00:13:58,755 I need to make sure that your secret microbrew is up to code. 355 00:13:59,131 --> 00:14:00,465 Health Inspector? 356 00:14:00,549 --> 00:14:03,302 Hmm. Oh, you bet your ass, Kim. 357 00:14:03,468 --> 00:14:05,637 Okay, all right! I just… God! 358 00:14:05,721 --> 00:14:07,306 I just want your stupid recipe! 359 00:14:07,556 --> 00:14:09,975 You… terrible actress. 360 00:14:10,142 --> 00:14:12,311 Wait! Okay. 361 00:14:12,477 --> 00:14:15,063 Hmm… I'll sleep with you. 362 00:14:15,147 --> 00:14:17,816 Your breath smell like vomit. 363 00:14:18,817 --> 00:14:20,777 Okay, but… 364 00:14:21,570 --> 00:14:23,071 I know recipe. 365 00:14:25,407 --> 00:14:26,867 You do? 366 00:14:27,075 --> 00:14:28,785 Well, what… What is it? 367 00:14:28,952 --> 00:14:30,621 Offer still stand? 368 00:14:35,042 --> 00:14:36,251 All right. Where is she? 369 00:14:36,335 --> 00:14:38,754 Ah, dude, you might as well turn right back around, man. 370 00:14:38,837 --> 00:14:41,298 - 'Cause she's in love with me, dude. - Uh, yeah, I doubt that. 371 00:14:41,381 --> 00:14:42,508 - Hi. - Hi. 372 00:14:42,591 --> 00:14:43,717 We have so much in common, you're not gonna believe it. 373 00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:44,801 Like what? 374 00:14:44,885 --> 00:14:47,429 - Uh, we both like pizza. - Pizza! 375 00:14:47,513 --> 00:14:49,890 Well, I like pizza. Everybody loves pizza. 376 00:14:49,973 --> 00:14:51,808 - Oh, good. - We both hate mean people. 377 00:14:51,892 --> 00:14:54,019 - Who likes mean people? - We don't like mean people. 378 00:14:54,144 --> 00:14:56,480 - Well, neither do I. - Well… we both think kissing's gross. 379 00:14:56,563 --> 00:14:58,732 - How is kissing gross? - You know, we just don't like it. 380 00:14:58,815 --> 00:14:59,816 We're not into it, you know? 381 00:14:59,900 --> 00:15:01,235 - Probably, it's… - Sticky. 382 00:15:01,318 --> 00:15:04,112 Is it sticky? It's, like, there's candy and beer in your mouth. 383 00:15:04,196 --> 00:15:06,365 - How is it sticky? From candy and beer? - I don't know. 384 00:15:06,448 --> 00:15:07,783 This is bullshit. Clearly there's some kind of 385 00:15:07,866 --> 00:15:09,493 language-barrier thing happening here. 386 00:15:09,576 --> 00:15:11,703 So I'm gonna go ahead and pop this shirt off and finish this thing 387 00:15:11,787 --> 00:15:13,163 once and for all, Charles. 388 00:15:13,247 --> 00:15:14,248 - Charlie? - Mmm-hmm? 389 00:15:14,331 --> 00:15:16,917 He smell like dog fart. 390 00:15:17,000 --> 00:15:18,293 Eww! 391 00:15:18,377 --> 00:15:19,503 She said you smell like a dog fart. 392 00:15:19,586 --> 00:15:20,629 - Oh, yeah? - All right, take it off. 393 00:15:20,712 --> 00:15:22,589 - Take it off for us. - Dog fart, huh? 394 00:15:31,723 --> 00:15:32,724 Oh, my God! 395 00:15:56,206 --> 00:15:57,833 Am I in America? 396 00:16:02,087 --> 00:16:03,297 Ladies. 397 00:16:03,380 --> 00:16:04,840 - Nice turnout, huh? - Yeah. 398 00:16:04,923 --> 00:16:06,508 But I'm getting a little nervous here, Frank. 399 00:16:06,592 --> 00:16:08,218 I've heard some rumblings about Mr. Kim's, okay? 400 00:16:08,302 --> 00:16:09,678 We gotta keep these people here. 401 00:16:09,761 --> 00:16:11,763 Don't worry, Mac. I got a plan. 402 00:16:13,599 --> 00:16:15,893 Mac, I got problems, man. 403 00:16:16,476 --> 00:16:19,271 I can see that. Why are you wearing the duster with no shirt? 404 00:16:19,354 --> 00:16:21,732 I'm trying to get my mojo back. Charlie and I have been competing 405 00:16:21,815 --> 00:16:23,859 over the same Korean chick, and he's like totally winning. 406 00:16:23,942 --> 00:16:25,944 Why are you wearing my duster with no shirt? 407 00:16:26,069 --> 00:16:28,363 This is the perfect combination. Do I really have to explain this to you, bro? 408 00:16:28,447 --> 00:16:30,324 - Yes! Explain it to me. - Are you kidding me? 409 00:16:30,407 --> 00:16:33,577 Black leather duster. Tough, muscular dude underneath it, 410 00:16:33,660 --> 00:16:35,120 inside of it. Very sexual. 411 00:16:35,204 --> 00:16:36,997 Check this out. Check this out. 412 00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:38,624 - What's with the hose? - Hang on. 413 00:16:38,707 --> 00:16:40,542 I'm gonna spray it on the women's tops. 414 00:16:40,626 --> 00:16:43,378 We get a better look at their talents if their shirts are wet. 415 00:16:43,462 --> 00:16:45,964 - Wet T-shirt contest. I like that. - Wait, Frank. Frank. 416 00:16:46,048 --> 00:16:48,675 How are we gonna have a wet T-shirt contest without girls? 417 00:16:48,759 --> 00:16:50,177 We never got any contestants. 418 00:16:50,260 --> 00:16:52,012 We can use the girls that are here. 419 00:16:52,095 --> 00:16:53,639 They don't even know they're contestants. 420 00:16:53,722 --> 00:16:57,017 You can't just blast people with a hose in a bar. They will leave. 421 00:16:57,100 --> 00:16:58,977 - Lock the door. - No, that's not gonna work. 422 00:16:59,061 --> 00:17:00,479 Frank, go get your gun. 423 00:17:00,562 --> 00:17:03,732 Okay. Perfect. Go over to Mr. Kim's and convince him to close for the day. 424 00:17:03,815 --> 00:17:05,150 - I can do that. - Oh, excuse us! 425 00:17:05,317 --> 00:17:06,527 - Excuse us, please. - Excuse us! 426 00:17:06,610 --> 00:17:07,945 - Hey-oh! - Hey-oh! 427 00:17:08,445 --> 00:17:09,905 I love when you say it! 428 00:17:09,988 --> 00:17:12,074 We are so happy. And do you know why? 429 00:17:12,157 --> 00:17:14,868 - We just got engaged. - Yes! 430 00:17:14,952 --> 00:17:17,162 - You guys just got engaged? - Yes! 431 00:17:17,246 --> 00:17:18,914 - Yes. - Now we're engaged. 432 00:17:18,997 --> 00:17:20,749 All right, do you want to have some champagne? 433 00:17:20,832 --> 00:17:21,834 - Yes. - We're gonna have some champagne 434 00:17:21,917 --> 00:17:24,461 - to celebrate this. Come on. - Champagne! 435 00:17:24,795 --> 00:17:26,213 Did you guys happen to catch 436 00:17:26,296 --> 00:17:28,173 - what Sun-Li was wearing? - White tank top. 437 00:17:28,257 --> 00:17:30,509 A white tank top. Exactly. I was thinking we could talk Charlie 438 00:17:30,592 --> 00:17:31,802 into having her enter the wet T-shirt contest. 439 00:17:31,885 --> 00:17:32,886 Yeah, yeah, yeah. 440 00:17:32,970 --> 00:17:35,264 We'll tell him it's all a part of Dee's talent show. 441 00:17:35,347 --> 00:17:37,641 Right. When she jumps up on the stage, we'll blast her with the water. 442 00:17:37,724 --> 00:17:41,061 The crowd will go crazy. The other girls are gonna want to join in. 443 00:17:41,144 --> 00:17:43,355 And we will save the bar. And then she'll break up with Charlie, 444 00:17:43,438 --> 00:17:46,775 ruining any hopes for happiness that that son of a bitch ever had. 445 00:17:47,442 --> 00:17:50,112 I agree with the first part. But the second part seems incredibly harsh. 446 00:17:50,195 --> 00:17:51,446 That's the best goddamn part! 447 00:17:51,530 --> 00:17:54,825 Look, you guys deal with that. I'm gonna go take care of Mr. Kim. 448 00:17:54,908 --> 00:17:56,535 - Yeah, what do you want… - Boom! 449 00:17:56,618 --> 00:17:57,744 What the hell is this? 450 00:17:57,828 --> 00:18:00,247 Oh, only Mr. Kim's secret microbrew recipe. 451 00:18:02,291 --> 00:18:04,543 It's in Korean. What am I supposed to do with this? 452 00:18:04,626 --> 00:18:06,920 Maybe I can get Sun-Li to translate it for us. 453 00:18:07,004 --> 00:18:09,882 Sun-Li? Hi. Could you read this for us, please? 454 00:18:10,090 --> 00:18:11,341 Okay. 455 00:18:13,010 --> 00:18:14,678 "Bony American 456 00:18:14,761 --> 00:18:17,472 "is dirty, dirty whore. 457 00:18:17,681 --> 00:18:21,852 "She bring much shame to herself and country." 458 00:18:21,977 --> 00:18:23,187 Great. Good work, Dee. 459 00:18:23,270 --> 00:18:25,480 Yeah. You really topped yourself this year, sis. 460 00:18:25,564 --> 00:18:27,441 Charlie, can we talk to you for a sec? 461 00:18:30,861 --> 00:18:33,071 - You whore? - Mmm-hmm. 462 00:18:33,197 --> 00:18:34,364 Good. 463 00:18:44,583 --> 00:18:46,210 What you want? 464 00:18:46,293 --> 00:18:48,754 I'm gonna have to ask you to shut this place down. 465 00:18:48,837 --> 00:18:52,674 I am shut down. Look around, you jerk! 466 00:18:52,883 --> 00:18:54,176 No one here. 467 00:18:56,512 --> 00:18:58,722 Yeah, I was kinda wondering about that. What's up? 468 00:18:58,805 --> 00:19:01,391 My daughter, Sun-Li… She is missing! 469 00:19:01,475 --> 00:19:02,726 Korean broad? 470 00:19:03,018 --> 00:19:04,269 You seen her? 471 00:19:04,520 --> 00:19:05,771 Uh, no. 472 00:19:05,938 --> 00:19:07,689 Oh, she no come home last night! 473 00:19:07,773 --> 00:19:10,025 Well, I'm sure she's gonna come back. 474 00:19:10,108 --> 00:19:11,902 She probably just met some guy. 475 00:19:12,027 --> 00:19:15,072 What you talking about? You sick freak! 476 00:19:15,197 --> 00:19:17,699 Sun-Li only 12-years-old! 477 00:19:17,783 --> 00:19:18,992 What? 478 00:19:19,076 --> 00:19:21,411 She just 12-year-old girl! 479 00:19:23,789 --> 00:19:25,582 Oh, shit! 480 00:19:26,708 --> 00:19:28,836 Attention, everybody. Hey, attention. 481 00:19:28,961 --> 00:19:31,964 Our first contestant hails from North Korea. 482 00:19:32,172 --> 00:19:34,132 That's right, North Korea, everybody. 483 00:19:34,216 --> 00:19:35,717 She's gonna be doing something or other. 484 00:19:35,801 --> 00:19:38,804 And then we're gonna blast her with water from a hose. 485 00:19:38,887 --> 00:19:41,056 It's gonna be great, right? You're gonna want to stick around for this. 486 00:19:41,139 --> 00:19:44,101 And listen, ladies, if you wanna get in on this action, 487 00:19:44,184 --> 00:19:46,311 please do not hesitate to do so. 488 00:19:46,436 --> 00:19:48,981 Okay, take it away. 489 00:19:50,148 --> 00:19:52,401 - All set. - Uh, wait a second. 490 00:19:52,484 --> 00:19:56,864 You're gonna blast my fiancée with water, exposing her breasts to this entire crowd? 491 00:19:56,947 --> 00:19:59,575 - Yeah, man. Is that cool? - That's very cool. 492 00:19:59,658 --> 00:20:01,618 Awesome. All right, Sun-Li, hit it! 493 00:20:02,119 --> 00:20:05,956 Oh, great leader we come to enjoy you 494 00:20:06,665 --> 00:20:10,752 You make sun and moon in the sky 495 00:20:11,211 --> 00:20:14,923 The earth is spinning because of your laughter 496 00:20:15,007 --> 00:20:17,467 - All right, she's bombing. Blast her. - All righty. 497 00:20:18,135 --> 00:20:20,554 All right, everybody! Three, two… 498 00:20:20,637 --> 00:20:22,264 One! 499 00:20:38,614 --> 00:20:41,241 - Oh, God! Come on, Frank! - What are you doing, Frank? 500 00:20:41,325 --> 00:20:42,367 Son of a bitch! 501 00:20:42,492 --> 00:20:44,620 The wet T-shirt contest is off! 502 00:20:44,703 --> 00:20:45,746 Why? 503 00:20:45,829 --> 00:20:47,497 She's only 12-years-old! 504 00:20:47,581 --> 00:20:48,957 What? 505 00:20:49,082 --> 00:20:50,209 You're just 12? 506 00:20:50,334 --> 00:20:51,668 Twelve, Charlie! 507 00:20:51,752 --> 00:20:53,795 - Oh, shit. - That actually explains a lot. 508 00:20:53,879 --> 00:20:56,340 Wait. Where are you guys going? You guys don't have to leave! 509 00:20:56,423 --> 00:20:59,343 No, stay, drink! We didn't know she was 12. We had no idea. 510 00:21:01,386 --> 00:21:03,514 Goddamn it! Well, there goes the pub crawl. 511 00:21:03,597 --> 00:21:05,015 Oh, son of a bitch. 512 00:21:05,182 --> 00:21:08,435 Well, I feel better about myself. 513 00:21:08,519 --> 00:21:09,811 Why? 514 00:21:09,895 --> 00:21:13,565 Uh, all I did was sleep with a toothless, oily busboy for a recipe. 515 00:21:13,732 --> 00:21:15,400 Charlie banged a 12-year-old. 516 00:21:15,484 --> 00:21:16,652 No, I didn't. 517 00:21:17,569 --> 00:21:19,696 - What? - Yeah. I didn't even kiss that girl. 518 00:21:19,780 --> 00:21:21,406 - Like, nothing happened. - Really? 519 00:21:21,490 --> 00:21:24,743 Yeah, absolutely. I can't believe you banged a toothless busboy. 520 00:21:28,497 --> 00:21:29,831 Those goddamn North Koreans. 521 00:21:29,915 --> 00:21:31,834 They are some sneaky bastards. 522 00:21:32,000 --> 00:21:33,418 - Yeah. - Yep.