1 00:00:02,628 --> 00:00:04,713 There's no way a mouse could kill a scorpion. 2 00:00:04,796 --> 00:00:06,590 Dude, a mouse could kill, it's got sharp claws and teeth. 3 00:00:06,673 --> 00:00:07,674 A rat could kill a scorpion. 4 00:00:07,758 --> 00:00:09,718 No shit, Frank, but we're not talking about a rat. 5 00:00:09,801 --> 00:00:10,802 We're talking about a mouse. 6 00:00:10,886 --> 00:00:12,596 If we were talking about a rat, it still would lose. 7 00:00:12,679 --> 00:00:13,680 A scorpion's this big. 8 00:00:13,847 --> 00:00:16,558 A little mouse fighting a scorpion, and that is final! 9 00:00:16,642 --> 00:00:19,311 Shut up! 10 00:00:19,394 --> 00:00:22,356 Shut up! Oh, my God! I don't care! 11 00:00:22,439 --> 00:00:24,608 All we're doing is arguing about the most stupid shit! 12 00:00:24,733 --> 00:00:27,152 A rat. A scorpion. I don't care, man! 13 00:00:27,236 --> 00:00:28,987 When did this start happening? 14 00:00:29,071 --> 00:00:32,699 When did we start arguing all the time and fighting? This isn't like us! 15 00:00:33,075 --> 00:00:35,410 We're working our asses off in this bar, 16 00:00:35,494 --> 00:00:36,787 and we're getting nothing to show for it, 17 00:00:36,870 --> 00:00:39,164 and so we're starting to snip and pick at each other. 18 00:00:39,248 --> 00:00:41,625 And it's bullshit, man. 'Cause guess what. It's a beautiful day outside. 19 00:00:41,708 --> 00:00:44,002 Okay? We need to change things up. 20 00:00:44,086 --> 00:00:46,547 Let's go outside. Let's get some fresh air. 21 00:00:46,630 --> 00:00:48,632 Let's run around a little bit. You know? 22 00:00:48,715 --> 00:00:50,759 Let's just do something different. 23 00:00:51,385 --> 00:00:52,803 You know what, Charlie? 24 00:00:52,886 --> 00:00:53,887 You're right. This is great. 25 00:00:54,304 --> 00:00:56,181 Yeah. It's just nice to do something different for a change. 26 00:00:56,265 --> 00:00:58,392 Yeah. Enjoy a little blue sky, some fresh air. 27 00:00:58,475 --> 00:01:00,561 - Yeah. Some earth beneath our feet. - Yeah. 28 00:01:00,644 --> 00:01:02,688 - See? I told you guys you'd like it. - Yeah. 29 00:01:06,066 --> 00:01:07,317 It's goddamn bright out here. 30 00:01:07,401 --> 00:01:10,320 It's so bright. I can't use my eyes. 31 00:01:10,445 --> 00:01:11,530 There's people playing football right next to us. 32 00:01:11,613 --> 00:01:13,365 Like there's no room to drink. 33 00:01:13,448 --> 00:01:15,450 Tell you what. I would like to go back to the bar. 34 00:01:15,534 --> 00:01:16,702 Let's go back to the bar! 35 00:01:16,785 --> 00:01:19,037 - Are you kidding me? - Oh! 36 00:01:19,121 --> 00:01:22,332 - Oh, look out. Let me see that. - Can I get that back? 37 00:01:22,416 --> 00:01:24,626 Yeah. Go long. I'll toss you a wicked spiral. 38 00:01:24,710 --> 00:01:27,796 Want to just give me the ball, dude? We're trying to practice. 39 00:01:27,880 --> 00:01:28,881 What are you practicing for? 40 00:01:28,964 --> 00:01:30,465 I'm trying out for the Eagles. 41 00:01:30,549 --> 00:01:34,136 Uh, the Philadelphia Eagles? 42 00:01:34,219 --> 00:01:36,722 Yeah. They're holding tryouts for the public. 43 00:01:36,805 --> 00:01:38,432 Like in that movie, Invincible. 44 00:01:38,682 --> 00:01:40,893 Oh! Was that the one where the guy 45 00:01:40,976 --> 00:01:43,896 from the New Kids on the Block makes it onto the Eagles? I saw that. 46 00:01:43,979 --> 00:01:45,439 Yeah. That's the one. That's a good one. Wait. 47 00:01:45,522 --> 00:01:47,065 - So they're actually doing that? - Yes. 48 00:01:47,149 --> 00:01:48,984 - Just give me the football. - Okay. 49 00:01:49,902 --> 00:01:53,155 Well, Dennis, I think you know what we have to do. 50 00:02:29,316 --> 00:02:31,485 Dude, did you read this flyer? 51 00:02:31,693 --> 00:02:34,279 Donovan McNabb is gonna be giving us a motivational speech. 52 00:02:34,363 --> 00:02:35,989 I know, dude. We are actually going to be 53 00:02:36,073 --> 00:02:37,157 running on the Linc! 54 00:02:37,241 --> 00:02:38,742 Lincoln Field, baby! 55 00:02:38,825 --> 00:02:40,327 You guys think you're actually gonna make the team? 56 00:02:40,410 --> 00:02:42,371 - No. - Hell, no, we're not gonna make the team. 57 00:02:42,454 --> 00:02:44,706 But we will finally get to prove once and for all 58 00:02:44,790 --> 00:02:46,041 who's a better football player. 59 00:02:46,124 --> 00:02:48,752 That's right. Trying out for the Eagles is the best way to settle that score. 60 00:02:48,836 --> 00:02:51,004 You know what? I would like to join your little competition. 61 00:02:56,385 --> 00:02:59,471 - No, no, no, no, no. - You… You… You're a woman. 62 00:02:59,555 --> 00:03:01,640 Women can't do things like this. You'll get hurt. 63 00:03:01,723 --> 00:03:03,475 No. Women aren't allowed to try out for football. 64 00:03:03,559 --> 00:03:04,810 Well, that's ridiculous. 65 00:03:05,060 --> 00:03:06,603 They should at least be able to try out. 66 00:03:06,728 --> 00:03:09,273 Well, there are plenty of other sports that women can try out for. 67 00:03:09,356 --> 00:03:11,358 - Yeah. - Like, uh, cooking and, uh… 68 00:03:11,441 --> 00:03:13,402 Complaining to your friends about your boyfriends. 69 00:03:13,485 --> 00:03:14,945 Yeah. Playing at ballet. 70 00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:18,198 Cleaning. Displaying cars at auto shows in tiny bikinis. 71 00:03:18,282 --> 00:03:20,576 Yeah. When you get older, you can play bridge together. I don't know. 72 00:03:20,659 --> 00:03:23,287 You know what? I am in such better shape than both of you guys. 73 00:03:23,370 --> 00:03:24,913 Do you not think the first thing they're gonna do 74 00:03:24,997 --> 00:03:26,498 to weed people out is make you run? 75 00:03:26,582 --> 00:03:28,125 Oh, good luck. 76 00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:30,085 I could get so much further than both of you. 77 00:03:32,171 --> 00:03:33,338 You think that's even a possibility? 78 00:03:33,422 --> 00:03:35,090 'Cause that could be very embarrassing for us. 79 00:03:35,174 --> 00:03:37,176 Well, we're never gonna have to find out 80 00:03:37,259 --> 00:03:39,011 because she can't try out. 81 00:03:39,094 --> 00:03:41,013 - You can't try out! - You're not allowed to try out. 82 00:03:41,096 --> 00:03:42,097 That is a rule, right? 83 00:03:42,181 --> 00:03:43,432 - Check the rules. - Okay. Let's double-check. 84 00:03:43,515 --> 00:03:45,434 We'll put a layer of beer, then a layer of ice… 85 00:03:45,559 --> 00:03:46,560 What are you guys doing? 86 00:03:46,643 --> 00:03:48,770 Dude, we're gonna tailgate the tryouts. 87 00:03:48,854 --> 00:03:50,314 Oh, shit. That's a good idea. 88 00:03:50,439 --> 00:03:51,773 Oh, you gonna bust out green man, bro? 89 00:03:51,899 --> 00:03:53,859 - No. No green man. - What's green man? 90 00:03:53,942 --> 00:03:56,445 In high school, Charlie was like our school mascot. 91 00:03:56,528 --> 00:03:57,779 A mascot nobody wanted. 92 00:03:57,905 --> 00:04:01,074 He'd get wasted and dress in this green spandex bodysuit. 93 00:04:01,158 --> 00:04:03,035 - It was really sad. - Spandex? 94 00:04:04,661 --> 00:04:06,163 That's it. You gotta bring the green man suit. 95 00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:07,831 - Yeah, no. Done with it. - The spandex. 96 00:04:07,915 --> 00:04:10,167 Green man was good. It got me through some hard times. 97 00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:11,543 But I'm done with it. Tell you what. 98 00:04:11,627 --> 00:04:12,628 You can wear it if you want, 99 00:04:12,711 --> 00:04:14,588 but I'm just gonna be relaxing, okay? 100 00:04:14,671 --> 00:04:15,714 This is gonna be about chilling out for me. 101 00:04:15,797 --> 00:04:18,717 No. This is gonna be exactly like Woodstock. 102 00:04:18,800 --> 00:04:21,553 Oh, is it? Oh. Are you planning on getting yourself locked in the bathroom 103 00:04:21,637 --> 00:04:23,305 of your cousin's Winnebago for three days? 104 00:04:23,430 --> 00:04:24,765 Shut up about that. 105 00:04:25,098 --> 00:04:26,808 I survived on hand soap 106 00:04:26,934 --> 00:04:29,102 and toilet water for three days. 107 00:04:30,604 --> 00:04:31,980 The memory haunts me. 108 00:04:35,484 --> 00:04:37,778 - The Linc, dude! The Linc! - Yeah, baby. 109 00:04:37,861 --> 00:04:39,446 I mean, I am actually gonna be able to look down 110 00:04:39,530 --> 00:04:41,657 and literally see how many yards I'm running. 111 00:04:41,782 --> 00:04:44,159 - Oh, yeah. This is gonna be awesome, dude. - We might actually get further 112 00:04:44,243 --> 00:04:45,577 - in this little tryout than we thought. - Yeah? 113 00:04:45,661 --> 00:04:47,162 - See how many yahoos are trying out? - Oh, yeah. 114 00:04:47,246 --> 00:04:48,664 I've seen a lot of people wearing capes. 115 00:04:48,747 --> 00:04:50,165 There are, like, 15 guys wearing capes. 116 00:04:50,249 --> 00:04:51,416 You've seen that? Why would you wear a cape? 117 00:04:51,500 --> 00:04:53,418 - What advantage does that give you? - Absolutely none. 118 00:04:53,502 --> 00:04:54,962 - None, right? - You know what? Have a little respect. 119 00:04:55,045 --> 00:04:58,215 We are here with the Philadelphia Eagles, and they are opening up their doors to us. 120 00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:00,259 - I mean, this is a boyhood dream. - I know. I know. 121 00:05:00,342 --> 00:05:01,760 Why even come out here if you're not gonna take this 122 00:05:01,844 --> 00:05:03,470 somewhat seriously? I mean… 123 00:05:05,848 --> 00:05:07,641 - You done pissing yet? - No. No. I haven't even started pissing, 124 00:05:07,724 --> 00:05:09,351 because you're standing next to me, you're talking to me. 125 00:05:09,476 --> 00:05:10,894 It's making me nervous, and I can't do my thing. 126 00:05:10,978 --> 00:05:11,979 All right. Want another beer? 127 00:05:12,062 --> 00:05:13,272 Yeah. Give me another beer, for Christ's sakes. 128 00:05:13,355 --> 00:05:14,898 I'm gonna sit here and not drink another beer? 129 00:05:15,649 --> 00:05:16,650 Yeah. 130 00:05:21,363 --> 00:05:23,407 Okay. Cabana is assembled. 131 00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:26,118 The grill is as sparkling as we're gonna get it. 132 00:05:26,201 --> 00:05:28,579 The margarita machine here is open for business. 133 00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:30,038 Time to relax. 134 00:05:31,164 --> 00:05:32,666 Want to drop some acid with me? 135 00:05:33,667 --> 00:05:35,669 - What? You're dropping acid? - Mmm. 136 00:05:36,128 --> 00:05:37,254 Woodstock, baby. 137 00:05:37,337 --> 00:05:40,215 Uh, okay. 138 00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:42,301 Well, no. Thank you. 139 00:05:42,384 --> 00:05:44,136 Uh, I believe that would have the complete opposite 140 00:05:44,219 --> 00:05:45,888 effect of relaxation for me. 141 00:05:46,388 --> 00:05:48,223 Well, I'm gonna trip balls. 142 00:05:49,933 --> 00:05:52,186 No. You messed up. It's too high. It doesn't look right on you. 143 00:05:52,269 --> 00:05:54,563 Too high? No, I'm good at it, dude. I did a good job on you. 144 00:05:54,688 --> 00:05:56,857 - That's 'cause I have good cheekbones. - You have good cheekbones? 145 00:05:56,940 --> 00:05:58,859 - Yeah. - 'Cause you put foundation all over, bro. 146 00:05:58,942 --> 00:06:02,404 - I put a light base on to… It's got SPF. - Hey, guys. What's up? 147 00:06:03,197 --> 00:06:05,699 - What the hell is this? - How's it hanging? 148 00:06:06,575 --> 00:06:08,952 This is a joke, right? You think anyone's gonna buy that? 149 00:06:09,036 --> 00:06:10,662 - Whatever, bro. - You're gonna get crushed. 150 00:06:10,746 --> 00:06:13,123 Dee, the second that any part of your body touches that field, 151 00:06:13,207 --> 00:06:14,291 it's gonna shatter like glass. 152 00:06:14,374 --> 00:06:16,084 - You got bones like glass. - I don't have bones like glass. 153 00:06:16,168 --> 00:06:17,628 You spent half your life in a back brace. 154 00:06:17,711 --> 00:06:19,796 Your body's, like, 90% scoliosis, Dee. 155 00:06:19,880 --> 00:06:21,298 Move it, fellas. 156 00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:22,508 Come on. Let's get on the bus. 157 00:06:22,841 --> 00:06:24,259 Bus? What the hell are you talking about? 158 00:06:25,928 --> 00:06:27,763 - The bus that takes you to the field. - Oh. Wait. 159 00:06:27,846 --> 00:06:29,348 I thought we were gonna be playing on the Linc. 160 00:06:29,431 --> 00:06:31,433 You think you dipshits are gonna play on the same field 161 00:06:31,558 --> 00:06:32,976 that champions play on? 162 00:06:33,101 --> 00:06:34,353 Where are we going? 163 00:06:34,436 --> 00:06:35,604 "Where are we going?" 164 00:06:35,896 --> 00:06:37,856 We're going to a shitty high school in Bucks County. 165 00:06:37,940 --> 00:06:39,399 Now, get your ass on the bus. 166 00:06:39,483 --> 00:06:42,027 If I say it one more time… If I say it one more time… 167 00:06:42,110 --> 00:06:43,737 If I say it one more time… 168 00:06:43,820 --> 00:06:46,156 Sprint to the bus. Sprint to the bus. 169 00:06:50,702 --> 00:06:52,246 That's everyone on the bus, dude. 170 00:06:52,621 --> 00:06:53,622 They're leaving. 171 00:06:53,705 --> 00:06:56,375 Maybe they're having the tryouts in a different place. 172 00:06:56,792 --> 00:06:58,001 Son of a bitch. 173 00:06:58,335 --> 00:07:00,921 All right. Screw it, man. We're here. We'll just relax. 174 00:07:01,088 --> 00:07:04,633 Stay here and look at the Linc? Like a couple of dicks in a yard? 175 00:07:04,716 --> 00:07:07,219 Get out of here! We gotta get up and go. 176 00:07:07,302 --> 00:07:09,429 - Oh… - Let's go follow that bus. Come on. 177 00:07:10,430 --> 00:07:11,473 All right. You get that. 178 00:07:11,598 --> 00:07:13,475 - You get that. Come on. Let's go. - No, this is so much work. 179 00:07:13,559 --> 00:07:15,978 - Charlie, get up. Let's go. - This is work. I didn't want to… 180 00:07:16,061 --> 00:07:18,188 Get the stuff. We'll follow the bus. 181 00:07:20,524 --> 00:07:21,692 I like your mustache. 182 00:07:22,484 --> 00:07:24,778 - Oh. Thank you. - Hmm. 183 00:07:24,987 --> 00:07:26,280 I can't grow one. 184 00:07:27,614 --> 00:07:28,615 Okay. 185 00:07:30,659 --> 00:07:33,120 - That's a pretty sweet cape. - Thank you. 186 00:07:33,745 --> 00:07:35,622 - My mom made it. - Hmm. 187 00:07:35,956 --> 00:07:39,001 - She did a very good job. - Yeah. She's talented. 188 00:07:39,084 --> 00:07:40,085 - Mmm-hmm. - Hmm. 189 00:07:40,210 --> 00:07:42,212 Can't believe we're not gonna be tearing it up on the Linc, man. 190 00:07:42,296 --> 00:07:43,297 This is bullshit. 191 00:07:43,380 --> 00:07:44,923 Half the reason I wanted to do this in the first place 192 00:07:45,007 --> 00:07:46,258 was to be out on that field. 193 00:07:46,341 --> 00:07:48,093 Hey, man. Stop smoking, will you? 194 00:07:48,177 --> 00:07:49,803 Some of us are trying to make the team. 195 00:07:50,345 --> 00:07:51,930 Are you kidding me, bro? 196 00:07:52,139 --> 00:07:53,390 - No. - Guy, if you think 197 00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:54,516 you're actually going to make 198 00:07:54,641 --> 00:07:57,019 the Philadelphia Eagles, then you're pathetic. 199 00:07:57,769 --> 00:07:58,770 You're pathetic. 200 00:07:58,854 --> 00:08:00,063 - No, you're pathetic, sport. - No, you are! 201 00:08:00,147 --> 00:08:01,148 - You're pathetic! - You're pathetic! 202 00:08:01,231 --> 00:08:03,609 - You're the one who is pathetic! - Whatever, man! 203 00:08:04,234 --> 00:08:08,322 When I'm done with this tryout, you'll go back to your sad, pitiful life, 204 00:08:08,572 --> 00:08:09,823 and I'll be on the Eagles. 205 00:08:10,032 --> 00:08:13,660 And everybody in Philadelphia will know the name McPoyle. 206 00:08:14,745 --> 00:08:16,705 - What'd you say your name is? - McPoyle. 207 00:08:17,456 --> 00:08:18,999 Doyle McPoyle. 208 00:08:22,669 --> 00:08:23,921 - The unibrow. - Yeah. 209 00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:25,631 - The eczema. The acne. - He's definitely a McPoyle. 210 00:08:25,714 --> 00:08:27,049 There are so many of those people. 211 00:08:31,053 --> 00:08:34,097 Now, this is what I'm talking about. 212 00:08:34,223 --> 00:08:35,599 - I don't know, dude. - Look at all the people. 213 00:08:35,682 --> 00:08:38,227 Yeah, but we're stuck over here by the portable shitters, man. 214 00:08:38,310 --> 00:08:40,562 - It's kinda lame. - Stop bitching and set up. 215 00:08:40,646 --> 00:08:43,690 No. I'm not setting anything up, all right? I'm sitting in my chair. 216 00:08:43,774 --> 00:08:45,859 I'm relaxing, I'm getting blackout drunk, 217 00:08:45,943 --> 00:08:48,904 - and you're leaving me alone. - All right. Be a party pooper. 218 00:08:49,571 --> 00:08:50,572 What are you doing, dude? 219 00:08:50,948 --> 00:08:51,949 Taking more acid. 220 00:08:52,199 --> 00:08:53,700 Classic mistake, Frank. 221 00:08:53,784 --> 00:08:55,827 You're making a classic mistake, bro. 222 00:08:55,911 --> 00:08:58,038 Just shut up and sit in your stupid chair. 223 00:08:58,121 --> 00:08:59,915 - It's your funeral, buddy. - Just shut up. 224 00:08:59,998 --> 00:09:01,959 Whoa! Hey there, guy. That's good. 225 00:09:02,084 --> 00:09:05,003 - Whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa! - You kidding me, man? 226 00:09:05,295 --> 00:09:07,756 - What the hell is that shit? - Man, that won't fly. 227 00:09:07,881 --> 00:09:11,051 Come on, dude. You almost ran me… Oh, my God. 228 00:09:11,134 --> 00:09:12,845 - The McPoyle brothers. - Hello, Charles. 229 00:09:12,928 --> 00:09:15,722 - What the hell are you guys doing here? - We came to support our brother Doyle. 230 00:09:15,806 --> 00:09:17,015 He's gonna make the Eagles. 231 00:09:17,099 --> 00:09:19,685 - Okay. Well, that's fantastic. Great. - Whatever, man. That's great. 232 00:09:19,768 --> 00:09:20,769 Yeah. Look… 233 00:09:20,853 --> 00:09:22,145 But your bus is spilling over into our space. 234 00:09:22,271 --> 00:09:23,689 You almost ran me over, man. 235 00:09:23,772 --> 00:09:26,358 - Move it back. - You gotta move it back a few feet. 236 00:09:26,441 --> 00:09:28,610 - No. No can do. - We need the space. 237 00:09:29,069 --> 00:09:30,070 For what? 238 00:09:30,529 --> 00:09:31,738 The whole family's here. 239 00:09:32,614 --> 00:09:34,324 Oh, that's great. 240 00:09:34,741 --> 00:09:37,494 Oh, my God. Are you kidding me? Great. Of course you're here. Good. 241 00:09:37,953 --> 00:09:39,788 How many… What is that a jar of? 242 00:09:40,247 --> 00:09:42,249 - What is that a jar of, dude? What is… - Pig parts. 243 00:09:42,332 --> 00:09:46,003 How many can there possibly be? Oh, good to see her again. Good. 244 00:09:46,086 --> 00:09:48,839 She doesn't know what I'm saying, right? Okay. Here he comes. 245 00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:52,176 Yeah. You're… You're here in the world. That's the sun. 246 00:09:52,301 --> 00:09:53,302 It's gonna hurt your eyes. 247 00:09:53,385 --> 00:09:54,553 Watch your mouth. They've got thin corneas. 248 00:09:54,636 --> 00:09:57,181 Yeah, okay. What is that? A fife? You brought your little flute. 249 00:09:57,264 --> 00:09:59,850 Is there more? Are there any more? Get them all out. 250 00:09:59,975 --> 00:10:02,352 All right. Look. I tell you what. Leave me alone, okay? 251 00:10:02,477 --> 00:10:04,104 I don't care what you do. Just leave me alone. 252 00:10:04,188 --> 00:10:06,523 'Cause, like, I'm here to relax and have a good time. 253 00:10:06,648 --> 00:10:09,401 I don't want any of your shit. All right? So leave me alone, okay? 254 00:10:09,693 --> 00:10:11,278 We be cool. We're even now. 255 00:10:13,238 --> 00:10:14,239 Bump it. 256 00:10:14,323 --> 00:10:16,158 - I'm not bumping your fist. - Bump it. 257 00:10:16,241 --> 00:10:18,327 - Do it, Charlie. Bump it. - I'm not bumping you, all right? 258 00:10:18,410 --> 00:10:19,411 I never bumped him once! 259 00:10:19,494 --> 00:10:20,662 - I'm not gonna bump him! - Let's go, Charlie. 260 00:10:20,746 --> 00:10:21,872 All right, whatever. No bumping. 261 00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:24,458 I just don't want… These guys are freak shows, man. 262 00:10:24,791 --> 00:10:27,669 Hustle up! Let's go, bitches! 263 00:10:28,212 --> 00:10:30,297 Let's move it! Let's move it! 264 00:10:30,380 --> 00:10:32,090 - I was here first, Coach. - Hustle! 265 00:10:32,174 --> 00:10:35,427 Coach! Hi. Hi, there. Cole. Cole Armstrong. 266 00:10:35,511 --> 00:10:37,763 Three-time all-American. Fastest sprinter in five counties. 267 00:10:37,846 --> 00:10:40,182 Coach, would you like us to stand when you address us, 268 00:10:40,307 --> 00:10:41,934 or do you prefer we take a knee? 269 00:10:42,017 --> 00:10:43,477 I don't give a shit! 270 00:10:43,560 --> 00:10:44,770 Okay. I'll take a knee. 271 00:10:44,853 --> 00:10:47,356 Yeah. I'll take a knee. 272 00:10:47,856 --> 00:10:51,485 We're doing these tryouts for you, because of your harassment 273 00:10:52,194 --> 00:10:54,446 and your love for the New Kids on the Block movie. 274 00:10:54,738 --> 00:10:58,742 You paid your $30 fee. We promised you a keynote speaker. 275 00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:02,371 All right. Bring him up. 276 00:11:03,372 --> 00:11:04,873 McNabb, dude. McNabb. 277 00:11:09,753 --> 00:11:10,754 Gentlemen! 278 00:11:11,004 --> 00:11:12,005 Uh, is this good here? 279 00:11:12,339 --> 00:11:13,757 Yeah, that's cool. Just put your parking brake on. 280 00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:17,094 Donovan McNabb. 281 00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:19,721 Hey, guys. 282 00:11:20,764 --> 00:11:22,724 I'm Donovan McNabb. Whoo. 283 00:11:22,891 --> 00:11:25,602 Uh, I play quarterback for the Philadelphia Eagles. 284 00:11:25,727 --> 00:11:28,230 And I'm here to tell you that you can, too, 285 00:11:28,313 --> 00:11:31,984 if you start every day with a hearty breakfast from McDonald's. 286 00:11:32,067 --> 00:11:35,153 Uh, like the new sausage egg McGriddle value meal, 287 00:11:35,237 --> 00:11:38,657 available now for a limited time for under $5. 288 00:11:38,740 --> 00:11:41,535 Uh. Remember, guys. Real champs eat at McDonald's. 289 00:11:43,203 --> 00:11:45,914 I'm loving it. Can I get the check? 290 00:11:46,874 --> 00:11:48,792 - That's good. - What the hell was that? 291 00:11:48,876 --> 00:11:50,878 Thanks, Donnie. 292 00:11:50,961 --> 00:11:53,297 - That was not Donovan McNabb! - That was not Donovan McNabb! 293 00:11:53,422 --> 00:11:55,132 - Yes, it was. - It was like a McDonald's plug. 294 00:11:55,215 --> 00:11:56,216 Was that the guy from The Cosby Show? 295 00:11:56,300 --> 00:11:58,552 That's not the guy from The Cosby Show. 296 00:11:58,635 --> 00:12:00,971 - Yeah. He was married to Sondra. - Alvin. Alvin. 297 00:12:01,096 --> 00:12:02,890 - That's awesome. - They had Raven-Symone. That's So Raven. 298 00:12:02,973 --> 00:12:05,058 That's not the guy from… You know what? 299 00:12:05,350 --> 00:12:06,351 Sprints! 300 00:12:06,435 --> 00:12:07,644 Oh. 301 00:12:07,936 --> 00:12:09,688 - God damn it! - Sprints! 302 00:12:10,022 --> 00:12:12,107 - Sprints! - Good job, dude. 303 00:12:16,945 --> 00:12:19,364 - I'm starting to feel it. Mmm! - I bet you are, bud. 304 00:12:19,448 --> 00:12:22,367 - Feeling weird. - Yeah. You're probably feeling very weird. 305 00:12:23,160 --> 00:12:25,329 The acid's making me feel like I gotta take a dump. 306 00:12:25,412 --> 00:12:27,372 That's what happens when you take a lot of acid, dude. 307 00:12:27,456 --> 00:12:28,707 I gotta go. 308 00:12:28,790 --> 00:12:30,000 Then, go. 309 00:12:30,083 --> 00:12:32,920 The line's too long. Maybe I can hold it in. 310 00:12:33,003 --> 00:12:35,005 Then go in the McPoyles' camper, dude. 311 00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:36,256 Oh, no. 312 00:12:36,632 --> 00:12:38,800 That might bring back bad memories. 313 00:12:39,301 --> 00:12:40,802 I think I'm gonna hold it. 314 00:12:41,011 --> 00:12:42,804 - How you feeling? - Annoyed. 315 00:12:43,263 --> 00:12:44,890 There's nothing kicking in yet? 316 00:12:45,057 --> 00:12:46,391 What are you talking about? The beer? 317 00:12:46,517 --> 00:12:47,559 No. The acid. 318 00:12:48,101 --> 00:12:50,145 I did not take any acid. Remember? 319 00:12:50,229 --> 00:12:52,314 Oh, yeah, you did. 320 00:12:52,773 --> 00:12:55,526 - What are you talking about? - I put a shitload of it in your beer. 321 00:12:56,068 --> 00:12:57,236 - What? - Yeah. 322 00:12:57,486 --> 00:12:59,613 Is that what all those little pieces of paper were floating… 323 00:12:59,696 --> 00:13:01,156 I drank all that shit, dude! 324 00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:03,158 - That's okay. - There was, like, a ton of acid in there! 325 00:13:03,242 --> 00:13:04,743 - Yeah. - Why would you do that? 326 00:13:04,993 --> 00:13:06,328 I don't want to be the only one tripping. 327 00:13:06,411 --> 00:13:07,996 - Oh, my God, man! - Charlie. 328 00:13:08,080 --> 00:13:09,831 - Oh, my God! - I actually 329 00:13:09,915 --> 00:13:12,251 - really have to go take a dump. - Oh, my God. 330 00:13:12,334 --> 00:13:14,169 Shut up. I don't care. Go to their camper. 331 00:13:14,336 --> 00:13:16,255 I don't care, dude. Get out of here. 332 00:13:16,380 --> 00:13:18,257 Oh, you sick son of a bitch, dude! 333 00:13:18,382 --> 00:13:21,885 Why would you do… Oh, shit! Oh, shit! 334 00:13:25,264 --> 00:13:27,724 - You ready to quit yet, Cole? - Yeah. You had enough yet, Cole? 335 00:13:27,850 --> 00:13:30,394 - Yeah, Cole! - We ran for, like, 10 minutes. 336 00:13:30,477 --> 00:13:32,813 - My side is gonna explode. - You guys are in terrible shape. 337 00:13:32,896 --> 00:13:34,648 This is gonna be a lot easier than I thought. 338 00:13:36,567 --> 00:13:38,402 Let's go! Let's go! Move it! 339 00:13:38,485 --> 00:13:40,404 I'm in so much pain. 340 00:13:40,487 --> 00:13:42,531 All right. Now that we got our hearts pumping, 341 00:13:42,614 --> 00:13:46,577 let's pick out some gear, pick a partner… Hitting drills! 342 00:13:46,910 --> 00:13:47,911 I pick Cole! 343 00:13:50,914 --> 00:13:52,374 Oh, no, he didn't! 344 00:13:52,457 --> 00:13:53,792 Oh, no, he didn't! 345 00:13:53,876 --> 00:13:56,003 That's my dance. That's my signature dance. 346 00:13:56,086 --> 00:13:57,421 - I'm gonna do that when I tackle people. - Yeah. 347 00:13:57,546 --> 00:13:58,797 - Whoo! - I like your form on that, 348 00:13:58,922 --> 00:13:59,923 and I liked how you went before the whistle. 349 00:14:00,007 --> 00:14:01,175 - God damn right. - Nice. 350 00:14:03,051 --> 00:14:04,094 All right, guys. 351 00:14:04,219 --> 00:14:05,470 Let's pick new partners. 352 00:14:08,932 --> 00:14:09,933 Eeny, 353 00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:11,393 meeny, 354 00:14:11,852 --> 00:14:13,729 miny, mo. 355 00:14:17,608 --> 00:14:18,692 Nice. 356 00:14:19,568 --> 00:14:21,111 All right. You're up, man. 357 00:14:22,237 --> 00:14:26,325 Ah. Uh, hitting's not really my thing, Coach. 358 00:14:26,658 --> 00:14:29,620 Spoken like a true champion. You just might make the team. 359 00:14:30,287 --> 00:14:31,830 Awesome. Really? 360 00:14:32,289 --> 00:14:33,957 Jesus Christ. 361 00:14:34,917 --> 00:14:38,128 Okay, Frank. That was easy.Now just exit. 362 00:14:38,253 --> 00:14:42,007 Don't talk to anybody. These people are freak shows. 363 00:14:42,132 --> 00:14:44,384 Wait. Better wash your hands. 364 00:14:44,468 --> 00:14:47,137 No telling what kind of germs these McPoyles have. 365 00:14:48,847 --> 00:14:50,599 Oh! Crap! 366 00:14:53,727 --> 00:14:55,312 I'm starting to feel weird. 367 00:14:57,648 --> 00:14:59,399 What the hell? Oh, no. Not again. 368 00:14:59,483 --> 00:15:01,318 Oh, no! Hey! 369 00:15:02,528 --> 00:15:05,322 Hey! Hey! Hey! 370 00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:06,573 Somebody get me outta here! 371 00:15:08,659 --> 00:15:10,536 Man, my brother just leveled your boy out there. 372 00:15:10,619 --> 00:15:11,995 He's gonna make the Eagles. 373 00:15:12,496 --> 00:15:13,830 Yeah, your boy's a pansy. 374 00:15:13,997 --> 00:15:15,707 But Doyle's a big strong guy. 375 00:15:15,791 --> 00:15:16,959 It's probably 'cause he eats all that fish. 376 00:15:17,042 --> 00:15:18,460 Is he just gonna talk at me? 377 00:15:18,710 --> 00:15:20,212 I am gonna lose my shit. 378 00:15:20,712 --> 00:15:24,132 What is going on with his head? It's too smallor tight or something. 379 00:15:24,216 --> 00:15:26,468 Yeah, that's it. His skin's too tight. 380 00:15:27,302 --> 00:15:28,554 My skin's not tight. 381 00:15:32,891 --> 00:15:36,186 Good catch, Doyle! Good catch! Way to hustle! 382 00:15:36,520 --> 00:15:39,690 - Way to hustle! All right. Who's next? - This guy. 383 00:15:42,985 --> 00:15:44,820 All right. Run out and hook in. 384 00:15:44,903 --> 00:15:46,154 Run out and hook in. 385 00:15:46,238 --> 00:15:48,198 Show these people how to play football. 386 00:15:49,992 --> 00:15:54,204 I'm gonna make Mac look so bad. My form is perfect. I'm like Jerry Rice. 387 00:15:54,663 --> 00:15:57,833 Feel that stride. So fluid and fast. 388 00:15:58,208 --> 00:16:00,002 I've got the stride of a gazelle. 389 00:16:00,085 --> 00:16:02,212 A beautiful, beautiful gazelle person. 390 00:16:02,421 --> 00:16:05,174 My body is achieving a perfect symmetryright now. 391 00:16:05,549 --> 00:16:08,468 It's that long, lean muscle I've worked so hard to achieve. 392 00:16:08,677 --> 00:16:11,263 Hmm, I should've popped my shirt off. God damn it. 393 00:16:11,346 --> 00:16:13,265 Really should've popped that shirt off. 394 00:16:13,348 --> 00:16:15,392 I wonder if any women are watching from the sidelines. 395 00:16:21,648 --> 00:16:24,067 All right, Dee. You can do this. You can kick a football. 396 00:16:24,151 --> 00:16:26,028 You're better at sports than Mac and Dennis. 397 00:16:29,364 --> 00:16:31,867 Holy shit! 398 00:16:32,534 --> 00:16:34,286 The other coaches gotta hear about this. 399 00:16:36,705 --> 00:16:39,583 Well, well, look who's a natural. 400 00:16:40,292 --> 00:16:42,711 Guess I'll be getting further than you after all. 401 00:16:44,922 --> 00:16:46,548 - Maybe it was a lucky kick. - No. 402 00:16:46,632 --> 00:16:48,592 No. Those stork-like legs, they act like pendulums. 403 00:16:48,717 --> 00:16:52,221 And on the bottoms of those pendulums, feet like wrecking balls. 404 00:16:53,722 --> 00:16:55,098 We gotta do something about this, dude. 405 00:16:55,390 --> 00:16:57,392 Let's go talk to Frank. Come on. I got an idea. 406 00:16:58,227 --> 00:17:01,313 Somebody! Somebody help! 407 00:17:01,563 --> 00:17:04,691 God damn it! God damn it! Not again! 408 00:17:09,530 --> 00:17:10,864 Frank. 409 00:17:12,032 --> 00:17:13,325 Hey, Frank. 410 00:17:13,867 --> 00:17:14,952 Who said that? 411 00:17:15,661 --> 00:17:18,205 I'm Artemis. I'm Dee's friend. 412 00:17:19,831 --> 00:17:22,376 - I'm trapped. - I know. 413 00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:26,129 But I can help. Crawl into my mouth. 414 00:17:27,506 --> 00:17:29,132 I don't think I can fit. 415 00:17:29,466 --> 00:17:33,095 Mmm, sure you will. Just go one leg at a time. 416 00:17:35,097 --> 00:17:37,266 Okay. 417 00:17:39,059 --> 00:17:42,229 Into the toilet 418 00:17:42,312 --> 00:17:44,147 I go. 419 00:17:47,818 --> 00:17:49,236 Man, this is crazy. 420 00:17:49,319 --> 00:17:51,822 You are dancing with the entire McPoyle family. 421 00:17:51,905 --> 00:17:54,575 These people are freak shows, man. Freaks. 422 00:17:54,658 --> 00:17:56,869 But you're keeping your cool. You are keeping your cool. 423 00:17:56,994 --> 00:18:00,205 You know why? Because you arethe green man. 424 00:18:00,539 --> 00:18:02,833 Green man is saving your liferight now, bro. 425 00:18:02,916 --> 00:18:04,668 Just go with the flow. 426 00:18:05,377 --> 00:18:06,837 Charlie, we've been looking all over for you, dude. 427 00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:07,921 Ah, green man. 428 00:18:08,005 --> 00:18:09,798 - I knew you couldn't resist. - Huh? 429 00:18:09,882 --> 00:18:12,342 You know what? I'm actually tripping pretty hard right now. 430 00:18:12,426 --> 00:18:14,469 - You're tripping? - Yeah. 431 00:18:14,803 --> 00:18:16,763 Frank gave me some acid, and it's like… 432 00:18:16,847 --> 00:18:17,848 - Whoo! - Oh, Jesus. 433 00:18:17,931 --> 00:18:18,932 Hey, guys. 434 00:18:19,558 --> 00:18:22,644 - Guess who got invited to training camp. - Yeah. We're gonna be famous. 435 00:18:22,728 --> 00:18:24,771 Look. We need to talk to green man alone for a second, please. 436 00:18:24,855 --> 00:18:26,231 Okay? Thank you. Yes. Bye. 437 00:18:26,315 --> 00:18:27,399 Hey. Can we talk to the green man? Just go. Thank you. 438 00:18:27,482 --> 00:18:29,276 Can we… Guys… 439 00:18:29,359 --> 00:18:30,360 Charlie, where's Frank? It's very important. 440 00:18:30,444 --> 00:18:31,445 Really important. 441 00:18:31,570 --> 00:18:32,613 - Oh, Frank? - Yes. 442 00:18:32,738 --> 00:18:33,947 Uh… He's standing right there. 443 00:18:37,576 --> 00:18:38,952 Frank, what the hell are you doing? 444 00:18:39,244 --> 00:18:41,914 He's been trying to climb through that trash can for 20 minutes. 445 00:18:42,456 --> 00:18:44,124 I'm pretty sure he's on acid. 446 00:18:44,249 --> 00:18:47,628 Thank God you guys are here. How'd you get in here? 447 00:18:47,711 --> 00:18:48,962 What are you talking about? 448 00:18:49,046 --> 00:18:51,465 I've been stuck in this bathroom for three hours. 449 00:18:51,548 --> 00:18:52,883 I think he took a dump in there. 450 00:18:52,966 --> 00:18:55,177 - Can you give us a second, please? - Whatever. 451 00:18:55,385 --> 00:18:57,471 I'm getting tired of watching him anyway. 452 00:18:57,763 --> 00:18:59,932 All right. Frank, listen. Did you bring your gun today? 453 00:19:00,974 --> 00:19:02,684 - Great. Now, walk me through the plan. - Awesome. 454 00:19:02,768 --> 00:19:04,394 The plan is, I get close to Dee, all right? 455 00:19:04,478 --> 00:19:06,939 When she goes to punt the ball, I'll fire the gun. It'll startle her. 456 00:19:07,022 --> 00:19:08,398 - She'll blow the kick. - That's a great plan. 457 00:19:08,482 --> 00:19:10,609 Wait a second! How long have we been standing right here? 458 00:19:10,984 --> 00:19:12,903 - Like two seconds. - Seriously? 459 00:19:12,986 --> 00:19:14,738 Yeah. Frank, give me the gun. We're in a hurry. Come on. 460 00:19:14,821 --> 00:19:15,989 - Where is it? - It's in your hand. 461 00:19:16,073 --> 00:19:19,576 Wait, wait, wait, wait! When the hell did I put green man on? 462 00:19:19,660 --> 00:19:21,537 - I don't know. - That lizard talks! 463 00:19:21,620 --> 00:19:23,997 Where? Where? I don't like lizards! 464 00:19:24,122 --> 00:19:26,083 We don't have time for this. Frank, just give us the gun! 465 00:19:26,166 --> 00:19:27,626 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! 466 00:19:28,001 --> 00:19:30,420 Lizard, am I standing in poop? 467 00:19:31,296 --> 00:19:34,424 I'm about to demonstrate to all of you my natural abilities as a punter. 468 00:19:34,508 --> 00:19:36,802 I'm gonna kick this ball 60 yards right in front of your faces, 469 00:19:36,885 --> 00:19:38,011 and I'm gonna do it… 470 00:19:40,472 --> 00:19:41,723 …as a woman. 471 00:19:41,849 --> 00:19:44,852 Oh, that's right. I'm a woman. 472 00:19:44,935 --> 00:19:47,229 And I'm about to show all of you that women 473 00:19:47,312 --> 00:19:49,606 should be allowed to try out for the Philadelphia Eagles. 474 00:19:49,690 --> 00:19:51,191 Coach. 475 00:19:55,696 --> 00:19:57,197 Wrap your minds around this. 476 00:19:59,783 --> 00:20:02,619 Oh, I broke it. Oh, it may be broken. 477 00:20:03,537 --> 00:20:05,289 Oh, sweet Jesus, I think I broke it. 478 00:20:06,832 --> 00:20:07,833 Kick your legs, man. Come on. 479 00:20:07,958 --> 00:20:09,209 All right, Frank. You're out of the trash can. 480 00:20:09,334 --> 00:20:10,836 Now a deal is a deal. Give us the gun. 481 00:20:10,961 --> 00:20:11,962 Hold on. Hold on. 482 00:20:12,045 --> 00:20:13,463 I'm really peaking here. 483 00:20:13,547 --> 00:20:14,715 - Oh, come on. - Stop pointing the gun at us! 484 00:20:14,798 --> 00:20:15,966 Stop pointing it at us! 485 00:20:16,049 --> 00:20:17,092 Come on, man. Point it somewhere else. 486 00:20:17,176 --> 00:20:19,178 Nobody minds if I do a little dancing now, do they? 487 00:20:19,261 --> 00:20:20,679 Nobody cares if you're dancing, Charlie. 488 00:20:20,762 --> 00:20:21,763 Hey, guys. 489 00:20:21,847 --> 00:20:23,140 Could somebody please take me to the hospital, 490 00:20:23,223 --> 00:20:25,392 because I'm pretty sure I just broke every single bone in my foot 491 00:20:25,475 --> 00:20:26,768 - punting that football. - Really? 492 00:20:26,852 --> 00:20:28,020 Yeah. I didn't make the Eagles, 493 00:20:28,103 --> 00:20:30,105 but I would like to go to the emergency room right now, please. 494 00:20:30,189 --> 00:20:33,192 - So your bones are made out of glass. Yes! - Nice. 495 00:20:33,275 --> 00:20:35,068 No, my bones aren't… You know what? Forget… 496 00:20:35,194 --> 00:20:36,987 It doesn't matter, because I made the furthest, so I win. 497 00:20:37,070 --> 00:20:39,239 No, I win because you're the girl, and you got knocked unconscious. 498 00:20:39,323 --> 00:20:40,991 - You didn't win. You got crushed, dude. - Once again! Yes! 499 00:20:41,074 --> 00:20:43,076 That is so stupid. 500 00:20:43,160 --> 00:20:44,161 Guess what, I made it the farthest. 501 00:20:44,244 --> 00:20:46,288 - Yes, yes, yes! - Yeah, yeah, yeah! 502 00:20:46,371 --> 00:20:48,123 - What are you talking about? - You just shattered every… 503 00:20:49,583 --> 00:20:52,252 Holy shit. This thing is loaded. 504 00:20:52,336 --> 00:20:54,713 - My leg! - Doyle, are you okay? 505 00:20:54,838 --> 00:20:57,174 My leg! Somebody shot my leg! 506 00:20:57,925 --> 00:21:00,928 No! 507 00:21:01,637 --> 00:21:03,180 - Oh, that's not good. - That's not good. 508 00:21:03,263 --> 00:21:05,057 No. That could come back and bite us in the ass. 509 00:21:08,936 --> 00:21:09,937 - Ready? - Let's go!