1
00:00:03,420 --> 00:00:05,297
Mac, you got to see
this movie, dude.
2
00:00:05,422 --> 00:00:06,465
Really? I thought it was boring.
3
00:00:06,590 --> 00:00:08,258
Boring? It's about
the end of the world, Dee.
4
00:00:08,342 --> 00:00:10,093
Inconvenient Truth is not about the end
of the world.
5
00:00:10,177 --> 00:00:11,762
It is about how
if we don't stop global warming,
6
00:00:11,845 --> 00:00:13,555
we are going to destroy this environment.
7
00:00:13,639 --> 00:00:14,806
I think it sounds cool. I'll check it out.
8
00:00:14,890 --> 00:00:15,891
It is. It's awesome.
9
00:00:17,893 --> 00:00:19,728
Dude, come on.
What the hell is that?
10
00:00:20,103 --> 00:00:21,104
What?
11
00:00:21,438 --> 00:00:22,523
Are you kidding me?
12
00:00:23,190 --> 00:00:25,734
- What is the big deal, Dennis?
- What is the big deal? Are you nuts?
13
00:00:25,817 --> 00:00:26,902
It's like you see a movie,
14
00:00:26,985 --> 00:00:28,403
and now you're crazy
about the environment.
15
00:00:28,487 --> 00:00:30,697
Oh, I'm sorry, Dee. Maybe I would
actually like to do some good
16
00:00:30,822 --> 00:00:32,241
in this world,
maybe I would like to make a difference.
17
00:00:32,366 --> 00:00:34,034
- Oh, you would? You wanna do good?
- Ooh… Yes. Yes.
18
00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:35,786
- You can't do good.
- You're not good at that.
19
00:00:35,869 --> 00:00:37,204
- I can do good.
- No.
20
00:00:37,329 --> 00:00:38,330
I am capable of doing good.
21
00:00:38,413 --> 00:00:39,414
- No.
- No, you just screw people over
22
00:00:39,498 --> 00:00:40,582
for your own benefit.
23
00:00:40,666 --> 00:00:43,126
You guys are gonna be so angry
when you look back and you see
24
00:00:43,210 --> 00:00:44,795
that the world looks
at Dennis Reynolds and says,
25
00:00:44,878 --> 00:00:47,714
"Dennis, you are a good person.
You are making a…"
26
00:00:50,008 --> 00:00:51,260
Holy shit.
27
00:00:51,885 --> 00:00:52,886
What?
28
00:00:54,012 --> 00:00:55,681
There's a baby in this dumpster.
29
00:01:32,926 --> 00:01:34,511
What the hell is it doing?
30
00:01:34,595 --> 00:01:36,555
- We got to call somebody.
- Who?
31
00:01:36,638 --> 00:01:38,849
The police? The mother?
I mean, think, Dee.
32
00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:41,894
Somebody threw this baby in the trash.
We can't just put it back into the system.
33
00:01:41,977 --> 00:01:44,146
- It is a terrible system.
- It's a horrible system.
34
00:01:44,229 --> 00:01:45,314
We live in a throwaway culture
35
00:01:45,397 --> 00:01:47,024
where everyone's just
lookin' for the easy way out.
36
00:01:47,107 --> 00:01:48,609
You don't wanna carry
your Big Gulp anymore?
37
00:01:48,692 --> 00:01:49,693
Just throw it in the street.
38
00:01:49,818 --> 00:01:50,819
Don't wanna take care
of your baby anymore?
39
00:01:50,903 --> 00:01:52,070
Throw it in a dumpster.
40
00:01:52,154 --> 00:01:53,655
I just can't take it.
41
00:01:53,822 --> 00:01:54,823
Charlie, you're harpin' on it.
42
00:01:54,948 --> 00:01:55,949
- That's called harping.
- Well, I'm sorry.
43
00:01:56,033 --> 00:01:58,577
I'd like to know whether or not
I share a bed with my father.
44
00:01:58,660 --> 00:02:00,579
I'm tellin' you, I am not your father.
45
00:02:00,662 --> 00:02:02,080
- Then take a stupid blood test.
- Enough!
46
00:02:02,164 --> 00:02:03,916
- I'm not takin' no blood test.
- It's so easy.
47
00:02:03,999 --> 00:02:05,375
- It's a little prick…
- Look, I've had enough of this.
48
00:02:05,459 --> 00:02:08,295
I'm not even gonna talk about…
What the hell is that?
49
00:02:08,378 --> 00:02:10,088
It's a baby we found in the trash.
50
00:02:11,924 --> 00:02:13,675
Well, put it back.
It doesn't belong to you.
51
00:02:13,759 --> 00:02:15,260
We're not gonna put it back.
52
00:02:15,344 --> 00:02:16,386
Give it to the cops.
53
00:02:16,470 --> 00:02:17,971
Get it out of here.
It's bad for business.
54
00:02:18,055 --> 00:02:19,556
Oh, that's great, Frank. Pass the buck.
55
00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:21,517
Just passin'…
Everybody passin' the buck.
56
00:02:21,642 --> 00:02:23,769
It's time we started taking responsibility
57
00:02:23,852 --> 00:02:26,855
- for the refuse we're creating.
- Oh, my God, dude. Are you still harpin'
58
00:02:26,939 --> 00:02:29,399
on that stupid
global heating movie you saw?
59
00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:32,319
- "Global warming," Charlie.
- Yeah. Right.
60
00:02:32,528 --> 00:02:35,239
Like the earth
is magically getting hotter.
61
00:02:35,322 --> 00:02:38,158
All right, stop! Clearly this is not
the right environment for a child.
62
00:02:38,242 --> 00:02:40,911
I will take care of the Dumpster Baby
until we figure out what to do with it.
63
00:02:40,994 --> 00:02:43,247
- Dee, you're helping me.
- What? No, I'm not.
64
00:02:44,456 --> 00:02:45,582
You see what's happening here?
65
00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:46,708
Do you see this?
66
00:02:47,167 --> 00:02:49,378
Family values in this country
are going down the toilet,
67
00:02:49,461 --> 00:02:50,838
and it's because of people like you.
68
00:02:50,921 --> 00:02:54,633
Men and women raising a child together
is a proven system, 1,000 years old.
69
00:02:54,716 --> 00:02:57,010
There are parental roles
that need to be filled here, right?
70
00:02:57,094 --> 00:02:59,471
Otherwise, the kid winds up
roaming the streets,
71
00:02:59,555 --> 00:03:00,722
having unprotected sex
72
00:03:00,806 --> 00:03:02,432
- with multiple partners…
- Mmm-hmm.
73
00:03:02,516 --> 00:03:05,811
…sharing needles, and contracting
the HIV virus, and it's all your fault.
74
00:03:05,894 --> 00:03:07,479
Are you happy, Dee?
Is this what you wanted?
75
00:03:07,563 --> 00:03:09,731
You just gave this baby full-blown AIDS.
76
00:03:19,408 --> 00:03:21,243
What the hell
are these scrubs doing, dude?
77
00:03:21,326 --> 00:03:22,411
They're activists.
78
00:03:22,494 --> 00:03:25,539
They're sifting through the trash
looking for recyclable materials.
79
00:03:25,664 --> 00:03:27,708
Recycling. What a waste.
80
00:03:27,791 --> 00:03:28,834
Frank.
81
00:03:28,917 --> 00:03:30,836
We are trying to make a difference.
82
00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:35,716
You see? He has no problem
not callin' me "dad."
83
00:03:37,384 --> 00:03:39,803
Man, where can
I get one of those recycle bags?
84
00:03:39,887 --> 00:03:41,180
Get lost, narc.
85
00:03:42,139 --> 00:03:43,140
Excuse me?
86
00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:47,936
What we're doing is completely legal,
so why don't you just leave us alone?
87
00:03:48,187 --> 00:03:50,355
No, I'm not a cop. I just wanna help out.
88
00:03:50,439 --> 00:03:51,815
Sure you do.
89
00:03:51,899 --> 00:03:53,483
I saw you pull up in that range rover.
90
00:03:53,567 --> 00:03:54,902
Is everything okay, Sage?
91
00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:56,862
Yeah. No, everything's fine.
I was just explaining
92
00:03:56,945 --> 00:03:58,655
to your friend that I…
I want to help you guys out.
93
00:03:58,739 --> 00:04:01,033
Listen, bro. I know your type.
94
00:04:01,116 --> 00:04:04,411
Straight-edge, mainline,
weekend warrior comin' down here
95
00:04:04,494 --> 00:04:07,706
in your cashmere sweater
with your moussed-up, hair-sprayed coif.
96
00:04:08,332 --> 00:04:09,958
This isn't just a hobby for us.
97
00:04:10,334 --> 00:04:13,629
So why don't you take your phony,
suburban, half-assed bullshit
98
00:04:14,171 --> 00:04:15,172
someplace else?
99
00:04:21,929 --> 00:04:24,097
I'll take that, hippie.
100
00:04:25,599 --> 00:04:27,226
Hey, Frank! Frank!
101
00:04:27,309 --> 00:04:28,310
Frank!
102
00:04:35,609 --> 00:04:37,945
Dude, do you believe
this thing, man? It's a…
103
00:04:41,073 --> 00:04:42,449
Charlie! Charlie, get down!
104
00:04:42,574 --> 00:04:44,868
Dude, it's amazing! Look at this.
105
00:04:44,952 --> 00:04:46,703
Bro, you can
chop a camel right in the hump,
106
00:04:46,787 --> 00:04:49,122
and drink all of its milk
right off the tip of this thing, man.
107
00:04:49,206 --> 00:04:50,707
- That is a find, man!
- Bro, you can't…
108
00:04:50,791 --> 00:04:52,459
- That's spectacular.
- This is an Ali Baba sword, dude.
109
00:04:52,543 --> 00:04:54,169
- Come on, you guys. Let's get out of here.
- Hee-yah!
110
00:04:54,253 --> 00:04:55,420
- Look, Dennis. Look at this.
- Check this…
111
00:04:55,504 --> 00:04:56,755
I don't care about that, all right?
112
00:04:56,839 --> 00:04:58,549
You guys are makin' me
look like an asshole.
113
00:04:58,632 --> 00:04:59,758
I'm out here tryin' to make a difference,
114
00:04:59,842 --> 00:05:01,260
and you're over here,
rummagin' around the trash
115
00:05:01,343 --> 00:05:02,803
like a couple of narcs, okay?
116
00:05:02,886 --> 00:05:05,806
You can't just come down here
with your mainline, cashmere,
117
00:05:05,889 --> 00:05:08,016
mousse-coif hair spray,
118
00:05:08,100 --> 00:05:10,310
and start being like a suburban tool.
119
00:05:10,394 --> 00:05:11,603
You can't…
120
00:05:13,355 --> 00:05:14,439
- What are you saying?
- Are you okay?
121
00:05:14,523 --> 00:05:15,941
- Did you even look at this?
- Are you feeling all right?
122
00:05:16,024 --> 00:05:17,359
I don't know.
I think I just got punked out
123
00:05:17,442 --> 00:05:18,777
by a couple of hippies.
124
00:05:19,695 --> 00:05:21,446
I got to do somethin' about this.
125
00:05:23,782 --> 00:05:26,535
- God damn, this Dumpster Baby's heavy.
- No, no, it's good for your back.
126
00:05:26,618 --> 00:05:29,538
All right. We got the diapers
and the wipes and the powder.
127
00:05:29,663 --> 00:05:32,291
- Shit, this raisin' babies is easy, huh?
- Huh?
128
00:05:32,374 --> 00:05:33,625
Okay. I think, first things first,
129
00:05:33,709 --> 00:05:35,669
the baby smells like trash, right?
Throw it in the bath.
130
00:05:37,004 --> 00:05:38,213
- Already with this?
- I didn't do it.
131
00:05:38,297 --> 00:05:39,339
- Already with this?
- I didn't do anything.
132
00:05:39,423 --> 00:05:40,883
I come home to a crying baby?
133
00:05:41,133 --> 00:05:42,885
- No, I didn't do anything. It's okay.
- Jesus Christ.
134
00:05:42,968 --> 00:05:46,388
You know what? I'm just gonna kick back,
grab a beer, and watch the Sixers, okay?
135
00:05:46,471 --> 00:05:48,599
You're not gonna help me? I thought
you wanted me to do this with you.
136
00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:49,725
Dee, would it kill you to go shopping
137
00:05:49,808 --> 00:05:51,310
every once in a while?
Just… We're out of beer.
138
00:05:51,393 --> 00:05:53,061
Oh, we are?
No, we're not out of anything, Mac,
139
00:05:53,145 --> 00:05:54,479
- 'cause you don't live here.
- Wait…
140
00:05:54,897 --> 00:05:56,064
One left. Nice.
141
00:05:56,273 --> 00:05:57,441
- Great.
- Hey,
142
00:05:57,524 --> 00:05:58,525
if we're gonna raise this baby together,
143
00:05:58,609 --> 00:06:01,236
I think it's important that we at least
try to make it work, so…
144
00:06:01,320 --> 00:06:03,822
When you're done with the bath,
why don't you go out and get some beer,
145
00:06:03,989 --> 00:06:06,241
and, um… A pack of smokes would be good.
146
00:06:06,325 --> 00:06:07,701
Okay, we're not gonna
raise anything together.
147
00:06:07,784 --> 00:06:09,244
You know why?
'Cause I said I would help you
148
00:06:09,328 --> 00:06:11,580
hang on to this dumpster baby
for a couple of days
149
00:06:11,663 --> 00:06:12,873
until we figure out
what else to do with it.
150
00:06:12,956 --> 00:06:13,957
- Really?
- Yes.
151
00:06:14,041 --> 00:06:15,083
You're gonna
raise your voice to me right now?
152
00:06:15,167 --> 00:06:16,168
I'm not raising my voice.
153
00:06:16,251 --> 00:06:17,461
Well, I'm tryin' to have
a rational conversation.
154
00:06:17,544 --> 00:06:18,545
I feel like you're berating me
155
00:06:18,629 --> 00:06:19,671
- for absolutely no reason.
- What?
156
00:06:19,755 --> 00:06:21,381
So, you know what?
For the sake of the baby,
157
00:06:21,465 --> 00:06:22,883
I think we need some space.
158
00:06:22,966 --> 00:06:24,384
I'm gonna go out
with the guys and blow off some steam.
159
00:06:24,468 --> 00:06:26,720
What? You're just gonna dump
this thing on me and leave?
160
00:06:26,803 --> 00:06:28,013
You gonna guilt me into staying?
161
00:06:28,096 --> 00:06:29,556
Okay, I guess I have to stay
162
00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:31,642
for the sake of Dumpster Baby.
But I will tell you what.
163
00:06:31,725 --> 00:06:33,352
I'm not gonna stand here and be berated.
164
00:06:33,685 --> 00:06:34,686
I'm going to bed.
165
00:06:42,694 --> 00:06:44,863
- My God, I can't…
- Charlie.
166
00:06:44,988 --> 00:06:47,699
Would you just
please lay there and go to sleep?
167
00:06:47,783 --> 00:06:48,992
I can't sleep, dude. It's impossible.
168
00:06:49,159 --> 00:06:50,869
My mind's goin' like,
a mile a minute here.
169
00:06:50,953 --> 00:06:52,120
Stop thinkin' about it.
170
00:06:52,204 --> 00:06:53,330
- I'm not your father.
- No.
171
00:06:53,413 --> 00:06:55,207
- Now go to sleep.
- It's not that.
172
00:06:55,290 --> 00:06:57,835
I'm thinkin' about something
completely different.
173
00:06:58,836 --> 00:07:02,130
- It's the trash, isn't it?
- It's the sweet, sweet trash.
174
00:07:02,422 --> 00:07:04,591
I mean, man, we found
some amazing shit out there today.
175
00:07:04,675 --> 00:07:05,676
The kind of shit
176
00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:07,886
I didn't think you could
find in the trash, you know?
177
00:07:07,970 --> 00:07:10,973
I'm just goin' nuts
thinkin' about what else is out there.
178
00:07:11,056 --> 00:07:13,016
Frank, there's ordinary guys
just like you and me
179
00:07:13,100 --> 00:07:14,935
- goin' through everyone else's trash.
- They don't appreciate it.
180
00:07:15,060 --> 00:07:17,271
People don't appreciate
their trash, Frank.
181
00:07:20,399 --> 00:07:21,900
Let's go get the flashlights.
182
00:07:24,778 --> 00:07:26,446
So I scale this tree.
183
00:07:26,572 --> 00:07:28,115
I mean, this is a big tree too, right?
184
00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:30,033
I get to the top of it.
I find the nest. This is…
185
00:07:30,117 --> 00:07:31,451
This is baby bluebirds.
186
00:07:31,743 --> 00:07:33,078
They're starving to death.
187
00:07:33,203 --> 00:07:34,788
So, I regurgitate my lunch,
188
00:07:35,539 --> 00:07:37,583
- and I nourish the entire flock.
- Wow.
189
00:07:37,666 --> 00:07:38,917
- Like…
- Well, well, well.
190
00:07:39,001 --> 00:07:42,004
- Check it out, babe. The narc is back.
- Mmm.
191
00:07:42,087 --> 00:07:43,130
Hey, uh, Sage…
192
00:07:43,213 --> 00:07:46,633
I thought about what you said,
and I think you were right, man.
193
00:07:46,717 --> 00:07:49,678
I was half-assing it.
But I'm not gonna half-ass it anymore.
194
00:07:49,887 --> 00:07:52,472
I'm gonna devote myself
completely to the cause.
195
00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:54,266
Look, bro. Just 'cause you come in here
196
00:07:54,349 --> 00:07:56,393
with your Birkenstocks
and your Phish T-shirt
197
00:07:56,476 --> 00:07:57,978
doesn't mean you're devoted.
198
00:07:58,103 --> 00:07:59,646
Means you're a total poser.
199
00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:02,441
Wow. Um…
200
00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:06,361
You know what, man?
I'm just gonna go, then, I guess.
201
00:08:06,445 --> 00:08:10,532
You know, I'll take my Birkenstocks,
and my Phish T-shirt, and my
202
00:08:11,074 --> 00:08:12,910
- kind bud with me.
- What?
203
00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:16,413
Did you just say you had kind bud?
204
00:08:16,747 --> 00:08:18,415
Kind… Yeah.
205
00:08:18,498 --> 00:08:20,501
I mean, you know, I just have, like…
206
00:08:21,084 --> 00:08:22,461
This much.
207
00:08:23,921 --> 00:08:26,298
And look at this.
It's a little ray gun, like.
208
00:08:26,381 --> 00:08:27,674
Oh, that's nice, man.
209
00:08:27,758 --> 00:08:29,259
Look at this thing right here.
210
00:08:29,343 --> 00:08:31,261
- Put this in a plastic bag and, boom!
- Oh, yeah.
211
00:08:31,345 --> 00:08:33,305
- Shower radio, buddy.
- Oh, baby.
212
00:08:34,014 --> 00:08:35,807
- Unbelievable. We're on a roll.
- Here's…
213
00:08:35,891 --> 00:08:37,893
Look at this. We wrap stuff in this.
214
00:08:38,477 --> 00:08:40,854
Look. We can wrap it all up.
215
00:08:40,979 --> 00:08:42,147
All right.
216
00:08:42,231 --> 00:08:44,191
Electrics. Electrics!
217
00:08:46,068 --> 00:08:47,778
Whoa… A sneaker.
218
00:08:47,861 --> 00:08:49,363
- What size?
- 14.
219
00:08:49,488 --> 00:08:51,073
Throw it in the pile, baby.
220
00:08:51,323 --> 00:08:52,449
Crash in the pile.
221
00:08:52,533 --> 00:08:54,409
All right, Charlie. Isn't this great?
222
00:08:54,618 --> 00:08:57,079
We go right to the source!
Forget about the dump.
223
00:08:57,162 --> 00:08:58,205
- Yeah. Screw the dump, man.
- Yeah.
224
00:08:58,288 --> 00:08:59,581
It's right in your backyard, dude.
225
00:08:59,665 --> 00:09:00,666
This is it.
226
00:09:01,124 --> 00:09:02,251
What's that? What's that? What's that?
227
00:09:02,334 --> 00:09:03,502
It's another coat, man.
228
00:09:03,585 --> 00:09:05,420
- Ooh, can I have it?
- No.
229
00:09:05,546 --> 00:09:07,506
- Well, you already got one.
- Frank, use your head.
230
00:09:07,589 --> 00:09:09,967
This is the coat
that's gonna protect my other coat.
231
00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:11,051
Come on, man.
232
00:09:12,636 --> 00:09:14,012
Oh, when you're right, you're right.
233
00:09:14,096 --> 00:09:15,556
- Look at that.
- Yeah, baby. You'll find one.
234
00:09:15,639 --> 00:09:16,849
If you keep diggin',
235
00:09:16,932 --> 00:09:18,058
you're gonna find one of these.
236
00:09:18,183 --> 00:09:19,893
Oh, you got to be kiddin' me.
237
00:09:20,018 --> 00:09:21,603
Eh? Oh, hello.
238
00:09:21,895 --> 00:09:23,689
Look who it is, huh?
239
00:09:23,772 --> 00:09:27,234
The girl who ruined my life
by fallin' in love with my best friend
240
00:09:27,359 --> 00:09:29,403
and havin' sex with this guy right here.
241
00:09:29,528 --> 00:09:31,405
- How you doin'?
- Gross.
242
00:09:31,530 --> 00:09:33,156
And gross to you. And you know what?
243
00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:34,867
I don't know what you're doing.
I don't want to know.
244
00:09:34,950 --> 00:09:36,952
Go and do it
in somebody else's dumpster, okay?
245
00:09:37,035 --> 00:09:39,454
Yeah. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hold on a second.
246
00:09:39,538 --> 00:09:40,539
What do you got in those?
247
00:09:41,164 --> 00:09:42,833
Coffee cups and food scraps.
248
00:09:44,042 --> 00:09:45,169
Yeah, we'll take them.
249
00:09:45,252 --> 00:09:46,253
Hand them over.
250
00:09:48,046 --> 00:09:49,381
I don't know why it's cranky, okay?
251
00:09:49,464 --> 00:09:51,758
Well, maybe he's hungry. All right?
What are your thoughts on nursing it?
252
00:09:51,842 --> 00:09:54,261
I haven't slept in three days.
I don't have any thoughts anymore.
253
00:09:54,386 --> 00:09:56,930
You know, raising a child
is not nearly as fun as I thought it'd be.
254
00:09:57,306 --> 00:10:00,392
Huh? What if we put it back
where we found it?
255
00:10:05,105 --> 00:10:06,148
Oh, my God.
256
00:10:06,273 --> 00:10:09,568
That is the cutest little baby
I've ever seen.
257
00:10:09,651 --> 00:10:10,652
What's his name?
258
00:10:11,403 --> 00:10:13,197
- Uh… His name is…
- It's…
259
00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:15,616
- D.B.
- D.B.
260
00:10:17,034 --> 00:10:19,912
Oh… He could be a Gerber baby.
He could be in commercials.
261
00:10:24,166 --> 00:10:26,543
- I have an idea.
- I'm three steps ahead of you.
262
00:10:26,627 --> 00:10:29,046
- We need to make Dumpster Baby a star.
- Exactly.
263
00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:30,380
This is exactly what I'm talkin' about.
264
00:10:30,464 --> 00:10:31,465
We can't put it back
265
00:10:31,548 --> 00:10:32,549
- into a corrupt system.
- No…
266
00:10:32,633 --> 00:10:33,634
We have an opportunity
267
00:10:33,717 --> 00:10:36,136
- to give it a real future here.
- Yes, by making it a star.
268
00:10:36,220 --> 00:10:38,096
And who have better lives
than child stars?
269
00:10:38,180 --> 00:10:40,307
- Nobody.
- Nobody. Rich, famous… They have it all.
270
00:10:40,390 --> 00:10:41,975
Oh, my God.
They're the happiest people on earth.
271
00:10:42,601 --> 00:10:45,812
D.B., my main man,
you got tossed into the right dumpster.
272
00:10:51,109 --> 00:10:53,654
Brenda, I'm not gonna waste
any more of your time than I have to.
273
00:10:53,779 --> 00:10:56,448
We've got meetings with agents
all over town.
274
00:10:56,615 --> 00:10:58,242
Can you make D.B. a star?
275
00:10:58,575 --> 00:11:02,079
Well, I'm sorry to say,
but in today's commercial world,
276
00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:04,748
there's just no room
for another white baby actor.
277
00:11:04,831 --> 00:11:06,375
There's an influx already.
278
00:11:06,625 --> 00:11:07,626
White babies don't sell.
279
00:11:07,709 --> 00:11:09,378
White babies just aren't
selling right now.
280
00:11:09,461 --> 00:11:11,421
Question. Who is selling, Brenda?
281
00:11:11,588 --> 00:11:12,965
Well, the Latino market
282
00:11:13,048 --> 00:11:14,925
is the fastest growing
demographic in the country.
283
00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:16,426
Great. So, Mexicans are selling.
284
00:11:16,510 --> 00:11:18,011
- Oh, well, D.B. can play Mexican.
- Yeah.
285
00:11:18,095 --> 00:11:19,763
D.B. could definitely be a Mexican.
286
00:11:19,847 --> 00:11:22,349
We get him some pistols.
He fires them off like crazy. He does…
287
00:11:22,432 --> 00:11:23,600
Do the jumpin' thing.
288
00:11:23,684 --> 00:11:24,977
- Watch this.
- He does the Mexican jumpin' bean.
289
00:11:27,563 --> 00:11:28,772
- Isn't he cute?
- We get him a little thing
290
00:11:28,856 --> 00:11:29,898
- with the chips.
- He could sell chips.
291
00:11:30,023 --> 00:11:32,025
And he can dip the chips
into the nacho cheese.
292
00:11:32,109 --> 00:11:33,402
- It's perfect. It's perfect.
- It's hilarious.
293
00:11:33,694 --> 00:11:35,404
For all we know, he is Mexican.
294
00:11:35,654 --> 00:11:36,905
- 'Cause here's the thing.
- Oh.
295
00:11:36,989 --> 00:11:38,240
- We've got…
- Tell them the thing.
296
00:11:38,323 --> 00:11:40,409
Look. I can't really get
into the specifics of the whole thing,
297
00:11:40,492 --> 00:11:43,328
- but we've got no idea who D.B.'s dad is.
- We don't know who the dad is.
298
00:11:43,412 --> 00:11:44,496
It isn't me.
299
00:11:44,621 --> 00:11:48,083
I'm sorry, but your son
just does not look Latino.
300
00:11:48,500 --> 00:11:49,501
Oh. Well…
301
00:11:50,085 --> 00:11:51,086
I mean, that…
302
00:11:51,336 --> 00:11:53,338
- It's a bit of a disappointment for us…
- That makes me sad.
303
00:11:53,422 --> 00:11:56,717
Yeah, because we're truly
tryin' to give him a future.
304
00:11:56,842 --> 00:11:58,302
Is there anything that we can do?
305
00:11:58,844 --> 00:12:01,847
Well, not unless you can change
the color of this baby's skin.
306
00:12:05,100 --> 00:12:06,101
Let me get this straight.
307
00:12:06,226 --> 00:12:08,896
You wanna put your baby
into a tanning bed.
308
00:12:09,563 --> 00:12:10,564
That's correct.
309
00:12:10,689 --> 00:12:12,691
I'm sorry. That's against the law.
310
00:12:12,774 --> 00:12:15,027
Look, pal, we are well aware
of the law, okay?
311
00:12:15,110 --> 00:12:16,278
And we don't wanna jam you up here.
312
00:12:16,361 --> 00:12:18,488
We just wanna put him in
there for a couple of minutes.
313
00:12:18,572 --> 00:12:20,073
- Just to get a base.
- Just to get a base.
314
00:12:20,199 --> 00:12:22,159
We'll sign whatever waivers,
or whatever you need us to do.
315
00:12:22,242 --> 00:12:23,410
So let us cook him
for a couple of minutes,
316
00:12:23,493 --> 00:12:24,494
and we'll be out of your hair.
317
00:12:24,578 --> 00:12:26,914
I am feeling compelled
to call the authorities.
318
00:12:26,997 --> 00:12:27,998
Oh, are you?
319
00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:30,292
Well, then why don't we take
our business elsewhere?
320
00:12:30,375 --> 00:12:31,460
I sense some judgment
321
00:12:31,543 --> 00:12:33,212
in your voice, sir,
and I don't appreciate it.
322
00:12:33,295 --> 00:12:35,547
You could have helped change
this child's life forever.
323
00:12:35,631 --> 00:12:36,632
You chose not to.
324
00:12:36,757 --> 00:12:39,092
- That's on you.
- I can live with that.
325
00:12:39,218 --> 00:12:40,427
Come on, D.B…
326
00:12:40,594 --> 00:12:42,679
I guess the road to stardom
is paved with hard knocks
327
00:12:42,763 --> 00:12:44,223
and orange assholes.
328
00:12:46,308 --> 00:12:47,935
Trees are people too.
329
00:12:48,060 --> 00:12:49,311
Save this tree.
330
00:12:49,436 --> 00:12:50,979
These developer pigs
331
00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:52,606
are gonna tear down this tree.
332
00:12:52,731 --> 00:12:56,610
So, tonight we will hold
a candlelight vigil in protest.
333
00:12:56,735 --> 00:12:58,445
Hey, Sage, Asriel.
334
00:12:58,570 --> 00:13:00,572
- Can we commune for a moment?
- Yeah. What's up?
335
00:13:00,656 --> 00:13:03,283
Well, listen. I don't wanna be putting out
any negative vibrations
336
00:13:03,367 --> 00:13:06,537
or anything like that, but I think
we're going about this the wrong way.
337
00:13:06,620 --> 00:13:08,205
Thanks, but, uh, we got it.
338
00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:10,207
Okay, why don't we hear him out, Sage?
339
00:13:10,999 --> 00:13:13,252
Thanks, Asriel… Well, listen.
340
00:13:13,335 --> 00:13:15,087
While I think lighting
a couple of candles,
341
00:13:15,170 --> 00:13:18,340
and singin' a few sweet jams
sounds like a really good time,
342
00:13:18,423 --> 00:13:20,092
it's not gonna stop a bulldozer.
343
00:13:20,551 --> 00:13:22,803
Somebody needs
to step up and be a hero here.
344
00:13:23,053 --> 00:13:25,639
So, I'm thinkin',
I would chain myself to that tree.
345
00:13:26,306 --> 00:13:28,475
And that way,
if they wanna kill that tree,
346
00:13:29,434 --> 00:13:30,686
they got to kill me first.
347
00:13:31,144 --> 00:13:33,021
That is so brave of you, Dennis.
348
00:13:33,146 --> 00:13:34,773
- Is it?
- Wait.
349
00:13:34,940 --> 00:13:38,527
If anyone is gonna chain themselves
to anything, it's gonna be me.
350
00:13:38,610 --> 00:13:39,945
But it's Dennis' idea.
351
00:13:40,028 --> 00:13:41,488
No, wait, Asriel. He's right.
352
00:13:42,030 --> 00:13:43,198
Maybe it should be him.
353
00:13:43,448 --> 00:13:45,242
Right. I'm the one in charge here.
354
00:13:45,367 --> 00:13:46,660
- Right. You're the one in charge.
- Right.
355
00:13:46,743 --> 00:13:47,828
- Right.
- Right.
356
00:13:47,911 --> 00:13:49,037
Mountain, go get some chains.
357
00:13:49,121 --> 00:13:50,956
No, wait. Hold off on that, Mountain.
358
00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:53,667
I brought some.
359
00:13:55,043 --> 00:13:56,587
Charlie, we got to stop.
We got to stop.
360
00:13:56,670 --> 00:13:58,505
No. Two more stops, Frank.
Let's keep it moving.
361
00:13:58,589 --> 00:13:59,756
Let's drop it off at base camp.
362
00:13:59,840 --> 00:14:01,091
- No. No base camp.
- No, no…
363
00:14:01,175 --> 00:14:02,342
- We got to keep movin', Frank.
- No, it's fallin'.
364
00:14:02,426 --> 00:14:03,427
March!
365
00:14:03,510 --> 00:14:04,928
Oh! Do not lose that.
366
00:14:05,012 --> 00:14:06,763
- Do not lose that.
- It's just a bottle.
367
00:14:06,847 --> 00:14:08,098
All right, I think we got to stop.
368
00:14:08,182 --> 00:14:09,433
We got to stop at the apartment.
369
00:14:09,516 --> 00:14:12,269
- No, dude. There's no time for that, man!
- We got to drop some stuff off.
370
00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:13,770
All right, fine. We'll make it quick.
371
00:14:13,854 --> 00:14:14,980
All right.
372
00:14:17,024 --> 00:14:19,359
Charlie, maybe we should
get rid of some of this shit.
373
00:14:19,484 --> 00:14:21,612
- What?
- Yeah. I mean…
374
00:14:21,695 --> 00:14:23,155
- What'd you say, get rid of it?
- Yeah.
375
00:14:23,238 --> 00:14:24,406
Frank!
376
00:14:24,907 --> 00:14:27,159
- Look at this. Huh?
- Yeah.
377
00:14:27,242 --> 00:14:28,368
This… This…
378
00:14:28,702 --> 00:14:30,078
- Look at that, bro!
- Yeah. Yeah.
379
00:14:30,162 --> 00:14:31,788
This, here's our future, man.
380
00:14:31,872 --> 00:14:34,124
People are just throwin' this away.
"Get rid of it," dude?
381
00:14:34,208 --> 00:14:35,542
Frank, we start gettin' rid of this,
382
00:14:35,626 --> 00:14:37,628
we're gonna be just like
the wasters out there.
383
00:14:37,711 --> 00:14:39,087
Look, hey… Guess what.
384
00:14:39,463 --> 00:14:42,466
- Somebody else is gonna find it.
- You're right. You're right, you're right.
385
00:14:42,549 --> 00:14:43,884
Well, where are we gonna sleep?
386
00:14:51,350 --> 00:14:53,685
You sure you still wanna do this?
387
00:14:53,894 --> 00:14:56,396
Mountain, this is what it's all about.
388
00:14:56,855 --> 00:14:59,066
Me and my girl, side by side,
389
00:14:59,566 --> 00:15:01,068
savin' a life,
390
00:15:01,193 --> 00:15:02,778
bringin' in the dawn together.
391
00:15:02,861 --> 00:15:04,279
I mean, come on!
392
00:15:05,030 --> 00:15:06,031
Looks like it's gonna rain.
393
00:15:06,114 --> 00:15:07,741
It does look like it's gonna rain.
394
00:15:08,033 --> 00:15:09,409
Have you seen Asriel?
395
00:15:09,701 --> 00:15:10,702
No.
396
00:15:12,120 --> 00:15:13,872
Wonder where she is.
397
00:15:15,123 --> 00:15:17,042
Riders on the storm
398
00:15:19,253 --> 00:15:24,758
Tonight, we cross the plane of reality
into the dimension of no place or time.
399
00:15:26,093 --> 00:15:27,427
Open your mouth.
400
00:15:30,264 --> 00:15:32,349
Become the journey.
401
00:15:33,058 --> 00:15:35,435
Like a dog without a bone
402
00:15:35,853 --> 00:15:37,354
What are we doin', man?
403
00:15:37,437 --> 00:15:38,772
It's pourin' rain out here!
404
00:15:38,897 --> 00:15:40,232
We're actin' like animals.
405
00:15:40,315 --> 00:15:41,733
But we got to stick together, Frank,
406
00:15:41,817 --> 00:15:43,986
- if we're gonna make it, man.
- Yeah, let's stick together, Charlie.
407
00:15:44,069 --> 00:15:46,071
- All right. Let's use our heads.
- What are we gonna do?
408
00:15:46,154 --> 00:15:47,573
- We got to get out of this rain.
- Yeah.
409
00:15:47,906 --> 00:15:49,157
Where are we gonna go?
410
00:15:52,160 --> 00:15:53,495
We could get in that dumpster.
411
00:15:55,122 --> 00:15:56,957
I'm not above that. Let's go.
412
00:15:57,457 --> 00:16:00,127
Asriel!
413
00:16:00,794 --> 00:16:03,964
Where are you?
414
00:16:23,275 --> 00:16:24,276
Can you give me a bite
of that, dude?
415
00:16:24,359 --> 00:16:25,360
Mmm. Yeah.
416
00:16:25,444 --> 00:16:27,821
I'm starvin', you know.
417
00:16:27,946 --> 00:16:30,574
Charlie, I'm really sorry
that I banged your girlfriend.
418
00:16:30,657 --> 00:16:33,118
Oh, bro, you got to stop
talkin' about that, dude.
419
00:16:33,202 --> 00:16:35,370
I'm also sorry
that I didn't get the blood test.
420
00:16:35,454 --> 00:16:39,082
But I know… I'm 100% positive
that I am not your dad.
421
00:16:39,166 --> 00:16:42,002
Dude, how can you be 100% positive, dude?
How do you know?
422
00:16:42,085 --> 00:16:45,339
Your mother and I were gonna
keep this a secret, but…
423
00:16:47,174 --> 00:16:49,259
After we made love, she did get pregnant,
424
00:16:50,135 --> 00:16:51,512
but she had an abortion.
425
00:16:53,013 --> 00:16:55,516
- Really?
- Yeah. Yeah.
426
00:16:55,849 --> 00:16:57,476
Are you sure
she went through with it, dude?
427
00:16:57,851 --> 00:16:59,019
'Cause maybe she didn't tell you.
428
00:16:59,144 --> 00:17:00,812
I mean, she probably
went right from the clinic
429
00:17:00,896 --> 00:17:04,816
and banged some guy and got knocked up,
because your mother was a giant whore.
430
00:17:05,025 --> 00:17:06,068
Oh, you know what, dude?
431
00:17:06,151 --> 00:17:07,986
- I don't believe you, Frank, all right?
- It's hard to take.
432
00:17:08,070 --> 00:17:10,239
Just… Oh, my God. You're a liar, man.
433
00:17:10,697 --> 00:17:12,991
Girl, ya gotta love your man
434
00:17:14,701 --> 00:17:15,994
Where are you goin', Charlie?
435
00:17:16,495 --> 00:17:17,746
To find out the truth!
436
00:17:19,581 --> 00:17:20,707
Charlie!
437
00:17:20,791 --> 00:17:22,793
Make him understand
438
00:17:24,044 --> 00:17:25,504
Yeah
439
00:17:33,595 --> 00:17:36,431
- Frank doesn't know the truth.
- I knew it.
440
00:17:36,515 --> 00:17:40,102
All right. You didn't have an abortion,
you just told him you did. I get that.
441
00:17:40,185 --> 00:17:43,397
No. I had an abortion.
It just didn't take.
442
00:17:45,816 --> 00:17:47,150
What does that mean?
443
00:17:47,317 --> 00:17:49,987
It means, you survived it.
444
00:17:50,070 --> 00:17:52,239
You survived the abortion.
445
00:17:52,322 --> 00:17:54,575
What the hell are you talking about, Mom?
446
00:17:54,658 --> 00:17:56,285
We went
to one of those clinics…
447
00:17:56,368 --> 00:17:58,370
One of those underground clinics,
448
00:17:58,453 --> 00:18:00,289
because Frank didn't want
to spend a lot of money.
449
00:18:00,372 --> 00:18:02,624
- Yeah.
- And I had the procedure,
450
00:18:02,708 --> 00:18:04,751
- and then they told me you were dead…
- Okay.
451
00:18:04,835 --> 00:18:06,336
And then three months later,
452
00:18:06,420 --> 00:18:08,589
you popped out, happy as a clam!
453
00:18:09,923 --> 00:18:12,676
Sweetie, I had to keep it
a secret from Frank.
454
00:18:12,885 --> 00:18:15,095
I never wanted
the abortion in the first place.
455
00:18:15,470 --> 00:18:16,597
But he was married,
456
00:18:16,680 --> 00:18:19,308
and I knew, if he found out,
he would have forced me
457
00:18:19,433 --> 00:18:21,768
to get rid of you once and for all.
458
00:18:22,019 --> 00:18:23,353
He would have made me
459
00:18:23,478 --> 00:18:25,230
throw you in a dumpster.
460
00:18:28,400 --> 00:18:29,610
Oh…
461
00:18:29,693 --> 00:18:30,694
My…
462
00:18:31,361 --> 00:18:32,404
God.
463
00:18:34,823 --> 00:18:36,074
Nope.
His skin needs to be darker, Dee.
464
00:18:36,158 --> 00:18:37,201
Yeah, I know.
465
00:18:37,284 --> 00:18:38,911
We're just gonna paint
this bronzing lotion on him.
466
00:18:38,994 --> 00:18:40,037
Shoe polish.
467
00:18:40,120 --> 00:18:41,163
- Shoe polish?
- Shoe polish.
468
00:18:41,246 --> 00:18:42,915
Shoe polish on a baby?
You're such an idiot.
469
00:18:42,998 --> 00:18:44,750
That's gonna look stupid
and smell like shit.
470
00:18:44,833 --> 00:18:45,876
We'll see.
471
00:18:46,627 --> 00:18:47,628
Where's D.B?
472
00:18:48,045 --> 00:18:49,213
My door's open!
473
00:18:50,047 --> 00:18:51,632
- Did he get kidnapped?
- Somebody came in and took him?
474
00:18:51,715 --> 00:18:53,675
There's a note. There's a note!
475
00:18:54,051 --> 00:18:57,554
"'Taked' baby.
Meet at later bar, night or day sometime."
476
00:18:59,223 --> 00:19:00,349
Charlie.
477
00:19:00,474 --> 00:19:03,393
Feast your eyes on this!
478
00:19:03,477 --> 00:19:05,854
Oh, my God, Charlie.
Where did you get a baby?
479
00:19:05,938 --> 00:19:08,398
I think you know good and well
where I got this baby, now don't you?
480
00:19:08,690 --> 00:19:09,858
What the hell are you talking about?
481
00:19:09,942 --> 00:19:13,654
I'm talkin' about you and Frank
throwin' your love child
482
00:19:13,737 --> 00:19:15,322
here in the dumpster behind Paddy's Pub!
483
00:19:15,405 --> 00:19:16,740
What, did you think I wouldn't find out?
484
00:19:16,823 --> 00:19:18,742
Well, I did. Yeah. Yeah!
485
00:19:18,825 --> 00:19:21,161
What you might not know, though,
is that this little baby of yours
486
00:19:21,245 --> 00:19:22,996
also happens to be my half brother.
487
00:19:23,914 --> 00:19:26,667
Charlie, the incident
with Frank happened three months ago.
488
00:19:26,750 --> 00:19:28,252
It takes nine months to make a baby,
489
00:19:28,377 --> 00:19:30,838
so you can just give me
the baby and stop screaming.
490
00:19:30,921 --> 00:19:32,005
You know, there was a time
491
00:19:32,089 --> 00:19:33,298
where I would've
helped you raise this little
492
00:19:33,382 --> 00:19:37,553
dumpster baby brother of mine like a son.
But that's gone now, 'cause you ruined it!
493
00:19:37,719 --> 00:19:39,388
You threw your babies away!
494
00:19:39,721 --> 00:19:41,598
And you threw your swords away!
495
00:19:41,723 --> 00:19:44,101
You threw your golf clubs
and your tasty treats!
496
00:19:44,268 --> 00:19:45,269
And you know what?
497
00:19:45,394 --> 00:19:48,230
I found them.
And I'm gonna raise all of them!
498
00:19:49,481 --> 00:19:51,358
Get me the number for child services.
499
00:19:54,903 --> 00:19:57,447
Hey, Sage, buddy. How are you, man?
500
00:19:57,739 --> 00:19:58,740
How are you feelin'?
501
00:19:58,824 --> 00:20:00,075
I did it.
502
00:20:00,158 --> 00:20:01,368
I saved the tree.
503
00:20:01,660 --> 00:20:02,870
You sure did, man.
504
00:20:03,287 --> 00:20:04,746
You saved that tree. Wow!
505
00:20:04,830 --> 00:20:06,373
I got to say, man, I'm really impressed.
506
00:20:06,456 --> 00:20:08,041
I don't think
I could've done what you did here today.
507
00:20:08,125 --> 00:20:09,877
- I'm a hero.
- You are. You're a hero.
508
00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:11,295
- Yup.
- Come here.
509
00:20:11,378 --> 00:20:12,713
Come here. Come with me.
510
00:20:12,796 --> 00:20:14,047
Man, it is a good day to be alive.
511
00:20:14,131 --> 00:20:17,384
It's a good day to be alive, isn't it?
512
00:20:17,634 --> 00:20:18,635
Okay, guys.
513
00:20:18,927 --> 00:20:20,095
She's all yours.
514
00:20:24,975 --> 00:20:26,310
You might wanna see this.
515
00:20:34,276 --> 00:20:35,652
I banged your girlfriend.
516
00:20:36,862 --> 00:20:38,363
What time did he say he's gonna meet us?
517
00:20:38,447 --> 00:20:40,699
Uh, "Later bar, night or day sometime."
518
00:20:40,949 --> 00:20:41,950
- What does that mean?
- I don't know.
519
00:20:42,075 --> 00:20:44,328
Hey, any of you guys seen
that Ali Baba sword
520
00:20:44,411 --> 00:20:46,288
- that Charlie had?
- What?
521
00:20:46,371 --> 00:20:48,624
The little shit dumped me
in a dumpster last night,
522
00:20:48,707 --> 00:20:50,042
and I'm takin' all his stuff.
523
00:20:50,125 --> 00:20:51,251
It's every man for himself.
524
00:20:51,335 --> 00:20:53,045
I got to find that Ali Baba sword.
525
00:20:53,128 --> 00:20:55,672
Pour me a shot there, Dee. I am the man.
526
00:20:56,006 --> 00:20:57,591
Why are you so chipper?
527
00:20:57,674 --> 00:20:59,760
I got punked out by this peace activist.
528
00:20:59,843 --> 00:21:02,179
So what I did is,
I infiltrated his organization,
529
00:21:02,304 --> 00:21:03,305
I banged his girlfriend, and then I…
530
00:21:03,430 --> 00:21:04,598
- Hey, Frank!
- Interrupt me.
531
00:21:04,681 --> 00:21:07,100
- You recognize this young man here?
- All right.
532
00:21:07,309 --> 00:21:09,478
Or should I say, "Hey, Dad?"
533
00:21:09,645 --> 00:21:11,647
Yeah. That's right, everybody.
534
00:21:11,730 --> 00:21:14,274
Who would like to hear
a mind-blowing story?
535
00:21:14,399 --> 00:21:15,567
Nobody. Give us back our baby
536
00:21:15,651 --> 00:21:17,319
- so, we can paint it.
- Oh, you're gonna paint it, huh?
537
00:21:17,402 --> 00:21:20,489
Be careful painting it,
'cause you'll be painting my brother.
538
00:21:20,656 --> 00:21:23,325
But I guess you already knew that,
didn't you, Dad?
539
00:21:23,408 --> 00:21:25,160
What the hell are you
talkin' about, Charlie?
540
00:21:25,244 --> 00:21:28,163
I'm talkin' about you and the Waitress
dumpin' your baby in a dumpster!
541
00:21:28,247 --> 00:21:30,582
And the abortion you
tried to make my mom have?
542
00:21:30,666 --> 00:21:32,960
Well, guess what, Frankie?
It didn't take.
543
00:21:33,043 --> 00:21:34,795
I'm an abortion survivor, Dad!
544
00:21:34,920 --> 00:21:36,755
- I survived the abortion, Dad!
- Stop!
545
00:21:36,839 --> 00:21:40,133
First of all,
it takes nine months to have a baby.
546
00:21:40,217 --> 00:21:42,219
That is not my baby.
547
00:21:42,636 --> 00:21:46,306
Second of all,
your mother is feedin' you a line of crap!
548
00:21:46,765 --> 00:21:48,809
Holy shit.
You guys kept the Ali Baba sword?
549
00:21:48,892 --> 00:21:50,394
Give me the sword!
That's the sword I want.
550
00:21:50,477 --> 00:21:51,520
Back off, man.
551
00:21:55,315 --> 00:21:56,316
Stop grabbin' it!