WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.190 --> 00:00:02.550 - [Commentator] From west Hollywood California, 2 00:00:02.550 --> 00:00:04.340 the only news team that doesn't know 3 00:00:04.340 --> 00:00:07.050 what's on the teleprompter before they read it. 4 00:00:07.050 --> 00:00:10.080 Anyone who laughs or breaks loses points. 5 00:00:10.080 --> 00:00:12.771 This is breaking news. 6 00:00:12.771 --> 00:00:14.840 (upbeat music) 7 00:00:14.840 --> 00:00:16.440 - Good evening and welcome to breaking news 8 00:00:16.440 --> 00:00:18.260 the show where we don't know what we're about to say 9 00:00:18.260 --> 00:00:20.700 and we're not allowed to smile or laugh . 10 00:00:20.700 --> 00:00:21.950 I'm Mrs. Ping-Pong 11 00:00:21.950 --> 00:00:22.920 - And I'm Fiona. 12 00:00:22.920 --> 00:00:24.760 As always I'm not going to say my last name 13 00:00:24.760 --> 00:00:26.330 because I'm currently in witness protection 14 00:00:26.330 --> 00:00:27.760 due to a burglary. 15 00:00:27.760 --> 00:00:30.370 I saw 2 gang members commit in New Orleans 16 00:00:30.370 --> 00:00:32.880 on June 16, 2007. 17 00:00:32.880 --> 00:00:35.190 Their names are Thaddeus and Ebrahim 18 00:00:35.190 --> 00:00:37.710 and it happened outside of the Kingston mall. 19 00:00:37.710 --> 00:00:39.120 This was back when I was living at 20 00:00:39.120 --> 00:00:41.577 35 Easthouzer with my sister (laughs). 21 00:00:42.753 --> 00:00:44.836 (laughs) 22 00:00:47.610 --> 00:00:49.620 with my sister Dakota Mosley 23 00:00:49.620 --> 00:00:51.670 who drives a red Hyundai elantra 24 00:00:51.670 --> 00:00:54.420 license plate (laughs) 25 00:00:55.510 --> 00:00:56.343 6M9k4HGF. 26 00:00:58.520 --> 00:01:00.000 - Glad you're safe Fiona 27 00:01:00.000 --> 00:01:01.170 now today's top story 28 00:01:01.170 --> 00:01:03.570 what's the latest dance craze sweeping the nation. 29 00:01:03.570 --> 00:01:06.800 But first a devastating earthquake (laughs) 30 00:01:06.800 --> 00:01:08.040 has rocked the Caribbean 31 00:01:08.040 --> 00:01:10.790 resulting in over 40 million casualties. 32 00:01:10.790 --> 00:01:12.330 - Just skip to the dance thing 33 00:01:12.330 --> 00:01:15.010 - Sure, the viral dance is called the Seal Team 6 34 00:01:15.010 --> 00:01:16.360 in honor of the American heroes 35 00:01:16.360 --> 00:01:17.720 who killed Bin Laden. 36 00:01:17.720 --> 00:01:18.810 It's easy to do 37 00:01:18.810 --> 00:01:20.600 first you clap your hands like a seal 38 00:01:20.600 --> 00:01:22.700 like this (bark) 39 00:01:24.440 --> 00:01:26.590 then you high five your friends like a team 40 00:01:28.100 --> 00:01:30.580 and finally you stick 6 fingers in your mouth 41 00:01:30.580 --> 00:01:32.683 and slurp on them like this. 42 00:01:35.280 --> 00:01:36.844 - Fingers in mouth. 43 00:01:36.844 --> 00:01:38.760 - Mhhm more of a suck than a slurp. 44 00:01:38.760 --> 00:01:40.590 - Oh I can slurp, well... 45 00:01:41.796 --> 00:01:43.480 (slurping sound) 46 00:01:43.480 --> 00:01:45.563 (laughs) 47 00:01:48.410 --> 00:01:50.640 - Should be more tongueless slurping 48 00:01:50.640 --> 00:01:52.090 - Can you try it so I can see 49 00:01:55.440 --> 00:01:57.208 - No absolutely not 50 00:01:57.208 --> 00:01:59.220 it should be like a 51 00:01:59.220 --> 00:02:00.881 let me get my mouth wet 52 00:02:00.881 --> 00:02:02.590 (slurping sound) 53 00:02:02.590 --> 00:02:04.370 - That's what Ryan did (laughs) 54 00:02:04.370 --> 00:02:05.230 - That is what I did 55 00:02:05.230 --> 00:02:06.063 - Oh 56 00:02:06.063 --> 00:02:07.430 - You'll don't know this about me 57 00:02:07.430 --> 00:02:09.623 but I can fit my entire fist in my mouth. 58 00:02:09.623 --> 00:02:10.456 - No (beep) way no way 59 00:02:10.456 --> 00:02:11.700 - Can you slurp 60 00:02:11.700 --> 00:02:12.533 try it! 61 00:02:14.453 --> 00:02:16.536 (laughs) 62 00:02:17.508 --> 00:02:18.462 - What! 63 00:02:18.462 --> 00:02:20.535 (laughs) 64 00:02:20.535 --> 00:02:22.035 - What is going on 65 00:02:23.120 --> 00:02:25.660 - I can't I (laughs) 66 00:02:25.660 --> 00:02:27.350 I can't slurp 67 00:02:27.350 --> 00:02:28.710 (laughs loudly) 68 00:02:28.710 --> 00:02:29.543 all right. 69 00:02:29.543 --> 00:02:30.376 - Moving on 70 00:02:30.376 --> 00:02:31.209 - Yeah moving on 71 00:02:31.209 --> 00:02:32.042 I win. 72 00:02:32.042 --> 00:02:34.033 Thanks Mrs. Ping-Pong this is so fun. 73 00:02:34.033 --> 00:02:35.700 Oh it, well all right 74 00:02:35.700 --> 00:02:38.540 if I wanted to slurp 7 fingers instead am I allowed 75 00:02:38.540 --> 00:02:39.373 - No, if you do 7 fingers 76 00:02:39.373 --> 00:02:40.465 it means you think Bin Laden 77 00:02:40.465 --> 00:02:43.243 belongs in heaven instead of hell. 78 00:02:44.078 --> 00:02:46.490 - Oh I understand is that the end of the routine then. 79 00:02:46.490 --> 00:02:48.310 - It's actually just the beginning 80 00:02:48.310 --> 00:02:50.550 if you really want to honor the troops sacrifice 81 00:02:50.550 --> 00:02:51.620 the next step is to 82 00:02:51.620 --> 00:02:54.310 spit in your hand as much as you can 83 00:02:54.310 --> 00:02:56.160 to symbolize the sweat and blood 84 00:02:56.160 --> 00:02:57.432 of the heroes on the battle field 85 00:02:57.432 --> 00:02:59.839 just as much drool as you possibly 86 00:02:59.839 --> 00:03:03.750 as possible until your hand is completely soaked 87 00:03:04.790 --> 00:03:05.973 like this. 88 00:03:09.100 --> 00:03:10.680 - Oh I want to honor the troops too 89 00:03:10.680 --> 00:03:13.347 (laughs loudly) 90 00:03:16.530 --> 00:03:17.790 - Oh... 91 00:03:19.790 --> 00:03:21.788 - This is the stuff that gets me 92 00:03:21.788 --> 00:03:25.063 (laughs loudly) 93 00:03:25.063 --> 00:03:27.063 - A little bit more 94 00:03:27.063 --> 00:03:28.950 - Oh it's in your beard 95 00:03:30.800 --> 00:03:32.140 - Finally the last step 96 00:03:32.140 --> 00:03:35.043 as a sign of friendship we shake hands. 97 00:03:36.540 --> 00:03:38.010 - Do you have any sores 98 00:03:38.010 --> 00:03:39.730 - I don't have any sores 99 00:03:39.730 --> 00:03:40.680 not to my knowledge 100 00:03:45.270 --> 00:03:46.103 (mumbles) 101 00:03:46.103 --> 00:03:46.936 - Thank you 102 00:03:46.936 --> 00:03:48.716 (laughs loudly) 103 00:03:48.716 --> 00:03:51.181 - It all got left in Amy's hand 104 00:03:51.181 --> 00:03:53.848 (laughs loudly) 105 00:03:56.810 --> 00:03:58.160 - Thank you Mrs. Ping-Pong. 106 00:03:59.520 --> 00:04:01.660 All this dance talk has got me in the mood 107 00:04:01.660 --> 00:04:03.720 to hear from my favorite entertainment correspondent. 108 00:04:03.720 --> 00:04:05.070 Are you there D.P. 109 00:04:05.070 --> 00:04:07.530 - Good evening folks I'm D.P. Knightly 110 00:04:07.530 --> 00:04:10.900 bringing you the latest in music, TV and film. 111 00:04:10.900 --> 00:04:13.350 Well classic rock fans were treated to 112 00:04:13.350 --> 00:04:15.050 joyous news this morning. 113 00:04:15.050 --> 00:04:16.410 When the legendary group 114 00:04:16.410 --> 00:04:18.150 yes you guessed it 115 00:04:18.150 --> 00:04:19.420 Fountains of Wayne 116 00:04:19.420 --> 00:04:21.950 and now the release date for their next album 117 00:04:21.950 --> 00:04:23.960 more songs about milfs. 118 00:04:23.960 --> 00:04:26.500 Since their last hit 'Stacy's mom' 119 00:04:26.500 --> 00:04:28.550 fans around the world have been hankering 120 00:04:28.550 --> 00:04:30.000 for more milf content 121 00:04:30.000 --> 00:04:31.410 and by the sounds of it 122 00:04:31.410 --> 00:04:33.640 the new project will not disappoint. 123 00:04:33.640 --> 00:04:35.750 - What can you tell us about the album D.P. 124 00:04:35.750 --> 00:04:39.216 - This album is an homage to milfs everywhere 125 00:04:39.216 --> 00:04:41.167 if you're looking for an album to add to 126 00:04:41.167 --> 00:04:44.660 this is the CD for you 127 00:04:44.660 --> 00:04:46.010 the group kicks things off 128 00:04:46.010 --> 00:04:48.850 with the pop rock anthem 'Afterschool snatch' 129 00:04:48.850 --> 00:04:49.790 a song for any teen 130 00:04:49.790 --> 00:04:51.430 who's ever eaten a greasy pizza bagels 131 00:04:51.430 --> 00:04:53.153 out of their mom's panties. 132 00:04:53.153 --> 00:04:54.360 After that the group 133 00:04:54.360 --> 00:04:55.910 slows things down a bit 134 00:04:55.910 --> 00:04:57.320 with the emotional ballet 135 00:04:57.320 --> 00:05:01.200 'Breastfeed me softly' featuring Frank Ocean 136 00:05:01.200 --> 00:05:02.040 that's a catch 137 00:05:02.040 --> 00:05:03.330 I got an advance listen 138 00:05:03.330 --> 00:05:04.790 and folks get your tissues ready 139 00:05:04.790 --> 00:05:07.070 because this is a bonafide tear jerker 140 00:05:07.070 --> 00:05:09.640 not to mention you'll want to jerk to it . 141 00:05:09.640 --> 00:05:11.750 Finally for fans of the OG milf 142 00:05:11.750 --> 00:05:14.209 the group continues the saga of Stacy and her mom 143 00:05:14.209 --> 00:05:15.817 in their sequel outro track 144 00:05:15.817 --> 00:05:19.040 'Stacy came from your womb'. 145 00:05:19.040 --> 00:05:20.150 Early reviews of the album 146 00:05:20.150 --> 00:05:22.710 say it really changes the game 147 00:05:22.710 --> 00:05:25.150 for the entire milf genre. 148 00:05:25.150 --> 00:05:26.570 - Thanks so much D.P. 149 00:05:26.570 --> 00:05:28.360 I simply can't wait to listen. 150 00:05:28.360 --> 00:05:30.730 We go now to our correspondent Frick Davis 151 00:05:30.730 --> 00:05:32.420 out on the field for some local news 152 00:05:32.420 --> 00:05:33.890 Frick what can you tell us 153 00:05:33.890 --> 00:05:35.780 - Oh hi Mrs. Ping-Pong 154 00:05:35.780 --> 00:05:37.393 I'm standing outside 155 00:05:37.393 --> 00:05:40.622 of exciting new tech theme restaurant 156 00:05:40.622 --> 00:05:42.580 Mega Terabytes 157 00:05:42.580 --> 00:05:43.480 Oh that's good 158 00:05:43.480 --> 00:05:44.730 Right here in downtown 159 00:05:44.730 --> 00:05:47.180 where eager diners are lining up around the block 160 00:05:47.180 --> 00:05:49.430 to taste digitally inspired meals 161 00:05:49.430 --> 00:05:53.200 handcrafted by culinary visionaries. 162 00:05:53.200 --> 00:05:54.033 The combination of food in tech 163 00:05:54.033 --> 00:05:56.070 has critics really excited 164 00:05:56.070 --> 00:05:59.090 and I've got the " virtual" inside scoop. 165 00:05:59.090 --> 00:06:00.860 Now for the viewers at home 166 00:06:00.860 --> 00:06:02.290 my connection out here isn't the greatest 167 00:06:02.290 --> 00:06:03.577 so you want to turn your volume way up 168 00:06:03.577 --> 00:06:08.130 and I'll try my best to be as loud as well! 169 00:06:08.130 --> 00:06:08.963 - Thank you Frick 170 00:06:08.963 --> 00:06:10.610 it is a it is a bit hard to hear you 171 00:06:10.610 --> 00:06:12.160 so please be loud! 172 00:06:12.160 --> 00:06:14.080 - Will do Fiona! 173 00:06:14.080 --> 00:06:16.250 Mega Terabytes menu 174 00:06:16.250 --> 00:06:19.350 boasts a wide aray of technologically named meals. 175 00:06:19.350 --> 00:06:20.390 - What was that word 176 00:06:20.390 --> 00:06:22.210 - Technologically named meals 177 00:06:22.210 --> 00:06:27.210 from the' Alexa set an alarm for 4:30am' burger 178 00:06:27.550 --> 00:06:29.583 and fries combo to the 179 00:06:29.583 --> 00:06:33.130 'hey Siri call dad' chicken salad wrap. 180 00:06:33.130 --> 00:06:34.070 - I I'm sorry Frick 181 00:06:34.070 --> 00:06:36.073 what was the name of the burger combo 182 00:06:36.073 --> 00:06:40.070 - It's called' Alexa set an alarm for 4:30am'! 183 00:06:40.070 --> 00:06:40.903 - And I'm sorry but I missed the 184 00:06:40.903 --> 00:06:42.750 name of the chicken wrap 185 00:06:42.750 --> 00:06:44.630 - It was called 'hey Siri call dad' 186 00:06:44.630 --> 00:06:46.140 anyone's phone activating 187 00:06:46.140 --> 00:06:47.330 - Oh yeah yes actually thank you 188 00:06:47.330 --> 00:06:48.668 I I can't way to try 189 00:06:48.668 --> 00:06:51.700 'hey Siri call dad' 190 00:06:51.700 --> 00:06:53.940 - Vegetarians need not spare 191 00:06:53.940 --> 00:06:58.580 the restaurant has a flavorful vegetable and humus platter 192 00:06:58.580 --> 00:07:00.660 that's already getting a lot of buzz. 193 00:07:00.660 --> 00:07:01.783 The name of the platter is 194 00:07:01.783 --> 00:07:04.280 ' hey Siri send a message to dad that says 195 00:07:04.280 --> 00:07:05.700 shut your fat mouth' 196 00:07:05.700 --> 00:07:06.743 Yes send it! 197 00:07:06.743 --> 00:07:08.653 Back to you in the studio. 198 00:07:09.610 --> 00:07:11.280 - That's it for us but before we go 199 00:07:11.280 --> 00:07:12.113 we'll announce that 200 00:07:12.113 --> 00:07:16.550 today's loser is Tao and thanks for watching. 201 00:07:16.550 --> 00:07:17.383 - Wow 202 00:07:17.383 --> 00:07:18.640 - Slurp your hand 203 00:07:18.640 --> 00:07:20.362 at least I didn't get spit on my hand. 204 00:07:20.362 --> 00:07:22.978 (laughs) 205 00:07:22.978 --> 00:07:24.120 sexual 206 00:07:24.120 --> 00:07:25.440 - Oh your fist is huge 207 00:07:26.900 --> 00:07:27.733 damn!