WEBVTT

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- [Narrator] From West
Hollywood California,

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the only news team that doesn't know

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what's on the teleprompter
before they read it.

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Anyone who laughs or breaks loses points.

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This is Breaking News.

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(upbeat music)

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- Buzz buzz, bugs!
(break counter buzzes)

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Welcome to Bug News,

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the show where we don't know
what we're about to say,

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and we're not allowed to smile or laugh,

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and we're all bugs.

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(Everybody shrieks)

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- Yes, buzz buzz.
(break counter buzzes)

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I just took a DNA test,
(break counter buzzes)

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turns out I'm 100% that bug.

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(Rekha and Laci shriek)

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- Let's ... (clears throat)

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excuse me.
(break counter buzzes)

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Let's get to today's top stories.

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Getting squished.

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Experts say you may be at a higher risk

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if you're always zipping
around all over the damn place.

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- Just cool it, my god.

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There's no need to be going anywhere fast.

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We are bugs.

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- Florida millipede has
been arrested after stealing

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a riding mower (laughs)
(break counter buzzes)

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from a Walmart, which it then immediately

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drove into the ocean.

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Florida, am I right?

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Also, millipedes.

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(laughs)

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Oh, yeah.

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(both imitating buzzing sound)

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(laughing) (break counter buzzes)

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- Racist, but true.

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Now a genuine question,
(break counter buzzes)

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has anyone out there
(break counter buzzes)

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ever seen a big bug

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try to fly around in the rain?
(break counter buzzes)

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I feel like that would be crazy.

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- The droplets would probably push it down

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but it would still be able
to get where it's going,

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I think.

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- Now way to know for sure.

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Another horrific genocide
for the wasp community

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as a millionth nest on a wooden playground

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was destroyed today.

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- Gotta start building
'em somewhere else, squad.

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- Go off, king.

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Here we are,
(break counter buzzes)

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here now,

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we now go to a moth
(break counter buzzes)

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for some thoughts on flames.

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Moth?

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- Thanks guys,
(break counter buzzes)

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what's the deal with flames?
(break counter buzzes)

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So hot, why so hot?
(break counter buzzes)

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You can never touch flames.

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Why?
(break counter buzzes)

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Why so hot?

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- Perfect Seinfeld.
(break counter buzzes)

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(Everybody laughing)
(break counter buzzes)

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Like a moth to the flame.
(break counter buzzes)

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- When you're right, you're right.

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- We take things now

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to dung beetle,

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who is live
(break counter buzzes)

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at the poop eating festival,
(break counter buzzes)

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as we understand it.

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Ready to eat some poop, dung?
(break counter buzzes)

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- Thanks guys,
(break counter buzzes)

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I've been gearing up
(break counter buzzes)

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for this day
(break counter buzzes)

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all year and boy, I
couldn't be more excited

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to eat some poop live.

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While many

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might be embarrassed,
(break counter buzzes)

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at the concept of doing
something like this,

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what with it being recorded
and easily gifable,

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I truly couldn't be more excited.

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I'm into this,
(break counter buzzes)

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and would be doing it in my free time

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if I weren't here right now.
(break counter buzzes)

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Well, here I go.

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(screams)

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- Oh my god!

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- This is my actual nightmare.
(break counter buzzes)

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- Ah!
(break counter buzzes)

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Stop eating like that!
(break counter buzzes)

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Stop enjoying it.

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- God!

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I'm literally gonna freak out,

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if I look at that.
(break counter buzzes)

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Some guys

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get all the luck.
(break counter buzzes)

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I wish I could eat poop
(break counter buzzes)

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right now.

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- Well, you're in luck!

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The festival has provided
(break counter buzzes)

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more than enough poop
(break counter buzzes)

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for everybody.

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- Oh!
(break counter buzzes)

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- Oh, fantastic!
(break counter buzzes)

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- I just took a DNA test,
(break counter buzzes)

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turns out (laughs)
(break counter buzzes)

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I'm 100%
(break counter buzzes)

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(laughs) about to eat some poop.

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(break counter buzzes)

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(laughs) This is my nightmare.
(break counter buzzes)

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- Oh no!
(break counter buzzes)

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How is it wet and dry

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and the same time?
(break counter buzzes)

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- Remember how I said,

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I can't eat breakfast?
(break counter buzzes)

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- Hey guys, is there
something in my teeth?

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- That's all for us here at Breaking News.

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This weeks looser is unfortunately Elaine.

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- No!

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- [Ally] Have a great week everyone.

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- Dammit! I said I wasn't gonna listen.

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- Eat shit, Elaine.

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(Everybody laughing)