WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.190 --> 00:00:02.530 - [Announcer] From West Hollywood, California 2 00:00:02.530 --> 00:00:04.340 the only news team that doesn't know 3 00:00:04.340 --> 00:00:07.050 what's on the teleprompter before they read it. 4 00:00:07.050 --> 00:00:10.060 Anyone who laughs or breaks loses points. 5 00:00:10.060 --> 00:00:12.767 This is "Breaking News." 6 00:00:14.700 --> 00:00:15.970 - Hello and welcome to "Breaking News." 7 00:00:15.970 --> 00:00:17.970 The show where we have no idea what we're about to say 8 00:00:17.970 --> 00:00:19.900 and aren't aloud to smile or laugh. 9 00:00:19.900 --> 00:00:22.440 I'm Ray Romano. 10 00:00:22.440 --> 00:00:23.273 - What? 11 00:00:25.058 --> 00:00:26.290 (laughing) 12 00:00:26.290 --> 00:00:27.750 - I'm sorry. And I'm- 13 00:00:27.750 --> 00:00:28.583 - Debra! 14 00:00:30.420 --> 00:00:32.048 - Not quite. 15 00:00:32.048 --> 00:00:35.684 - Oh all right, maybe you're a mom. 16 00:00:35.684 --> 00:00:38.000 (laughing) 17 00:00:38.000 --> 00:00:39.030 - Keep going, keep going! 18 00:00:39.030 --> 00:00:40.480 Keep trying for it! 19 00:00:40.480 --> 00:00:41.923 We're gonna make it, we're gonna make it happen. 20 00:00:41.923 --> 00:00:42.756 - Ahh, ahh. 21 00:00:44.240 --> 00:00:45.410 - No, no, no, too late. 22 00:00:45.410 --> 00:00:47.633 Hello, I'm Mrs. Doubtfire, dear. 23 00:00:48.520 --> 00:00:49.960 - You're Mrs. Doubtfire? 24 00:00:49.960 --> 00:00:51.910 You mean you were the whole time, 25 00:00:51.910 --> 00:00:54.441 the whole time, the whole time? 26 00:00:54.441 --> 00:00:56.658 (laughing) 27 00:00:56.658 --> 00:00:57.908 - Stop, please. 28 00:01:00.790 --> 00:01:03.840 - Yes, but I'm a hip old granny who can hip hop. 29 00:01:03.840 --> 00:01:06.090 (laughing) 30 00:01:07.680 --> 00:01:09.359 - These are the real lines. 31 00:01:09.359 --> 00:01:10.192 (laughing) 32 00:01:10.192 --> 00:01:11.025 - I hate you guys. 33 00:01:11.025 --> 00:01:14.570 Dance 'til you drop and yo yo make a wicked cup of cocoa. 34 00:01:14.570 --> 00:01:16.320 - My brother Robert is tall. 35 00:01:16.320 --> 00:01:17.690 How was your weekend? 36 00:01:17.690 --> 00:01:19.850 - I've actually never seen Mrs. Doubtfire. 37 00:01:19.850 --> 00:01:21.280 - Well, what do you think it's about? 38 00:01:21.280 --> 00:01:23.500 - As far as I can tell, Robin Williams 39 00:01:23.500 --> 00:01:26.390 is a divorced father and he lies 40 00:01:26.390 --> 00:01:28.930 to try and see his kids, but nobody 41 00:01:28.930 --> 00:01:32.070 can tell that he's Mrs. Doubtfire 42 00:01:32.070 --> 00:01:34.660 which seems implausible to me. 43 00:01:34.660 --> 00:01:35.780 - And that was your weekend? 44 00:01:35.780 --> 00:01:36.613 - Yes. 45 00:01:36.613 --> 00:01:38.740 - Okay, I can't tell if that's problematic. 46 00:01:38.740 --> 00:01:40.160 Now for our weather report with 47 00:01:40.160 --> 00:01:42.030 former minister Pat Bebresen who 48 00:01:42.030 --> 00:01:43.870 will tell us what sins are responsible 49 00:01:43.870 --> 00:01:46.500 for our bad weather this week, Pat? 50 00:01:46.500 --> 00:01:49.520 - I want to begin by saying he has risen 51 00:01:49.520 --> 00:01:52.370 the temperatures downtown due to 52 00:01:52.370 --> 00:01:54.950 an increase in gambling downtown. 53 00:01:54.950 --> 00:01:56.960 - I've said downtown twice but 54 00:01:56.960 --> 00:01:59.350 it's a different story in Malibu 55 00:01:59.350 --> 00:02:01.430 where I believe teenage masturbation 56 00:02:01.430 --> 00:02:04.899 has ignited an outbreak of wildfires across the area. 57 00:02:04.899 --> 00:02:05.732 - Mmmm. 58 00:02:05.732 --> 00:02:06.565 - According to my weather tools, 59 00:02:06.565 --> 00:02:08.640 the fires should subside by the weekend 60 00:02:08.640 --> 00:02:10.540 which can only mean that by that time 61 00:02:10.540 --> 00:02:13.400 everyone will have stopped masturbating. 62 00:02:13.400 --> 00:02:15.340 - Exactly what religion are you? 63 00:02:15.340 --> 00:02:18.610 - I believe that I'm the only person that's real. 64 00:02:18.610 --> 00:02:20.200 - You leave my mother out of this. 65 00:02:20.200 --> 00:02:21.970 - For our seven day forecast, 66 00:02:21.970 --> 00:02:23.760 the Northwest is showing a buildup 67 00:02:23.760 --> 00:02:25.440 of rock and roll while Florida's 68 00:02:25.440 --> 00:02:27.380 been riddled with sink holes due to 69 00:02:27.380 --> 00:02:29.330 the popularity of Harry Potter. 70 00:02:29.330 --> 00:02:30.630 - I was hoping it would be nice 71 00:02:30.630 --> 00:02:32.890 enough this weekend to go get some Pinkberry. 72 00:02:32.890 --> 00:02:36.043 - Shut your filthy mouth, you're a heathen. 73 00:02:38.822 --> 00:02:40.210 (laughing) 74 00:02:40.210 --> 00:02:43.620 - Yo, I'm a raptor and I'm here to say, 75 00:02:43.620 --> 00:02:45.970 I'm really hoping that we'll have a better day. 76 00:02:46.830 --> 00:02:49.360 Oh wait, there's actually something written here. 77 00:02:49.360 --> 00:02:51.270 I'm raptor, doing what I can, 78 00:02:51.270 --> 00:02:53.550 gonna eat everything 'til the appearance of man. 79 00:02:53.550 --> 00:02:55.770 Yo yo see me, I'm living below the salt, 80 00:02:55.770 --> 00:02:57.973 I'm a bat but I'm coming back as oil. 81 00:02:59.430 --> 00:03:01.250 - And that is from Mrs. Doubtfire. 82 00:03:01.250 --> 00:03:02.580 - Really? 83 00:03:02.580 --> 00:03:03.413 Fascinating. 84 00:03:03.413 --> 00:03:04.840 - I'm hearing our sports correspondent Jamie 85 00:03:04.840 --> 00:03:07.180 has the low down on everything sports, Jamie? 86 00:03:07.180 --> 00:03:08.680 - Bonzo Ball just won it all for 87 00:03:08.680 --> 00:03:11.000 the New Orleans Raptors. 88 00:03:11.000 --> 00:03:11.833 (laughing) 89 00:03:11.833 --> 00:03:14.310 - By laying the ball up with some English. 90 00:03:14.310 --> 00:03:16.820 - And for our viewers, what does that mean? 91 00:03:16.820 --> 00:03:21.600 - It's sort of a cross between a dunk and a sha. 92 00:03:21.600 --> 00:03:24.770 - Oh, okay, so it just means that 93 00:03:24.770 --> 00:03:27.160 he put some spin on the ball off the backboard? 94 00:03:27.160 --> 00:03:28.250 - Exactly. 95 00:03:28.250 --> 00:03:29.260 - I've always wondered, what does 96 00:03:29.260 --> 00:03:32.210 it mean in basketball when someone says they're butt naked? 97 00:03:32.210 --> 00:03:33.850 - It's sort of like a cross between 98 00:03:33.850 --> 00:03:35.420 when you put some spin on the ball, 99 00:03:35.420 --> 00:03:38.530 but then you put a little spin on your balls. 100 00:03:38.530 --> 00:03:41.770 - I just looked it up and that is correct. 101 00:03:41.770 --> 00:03:44.658 It means they're wide open, just like Jame says. 102 00:03:44.658 --> 00:03:47.052 (laughing) 103 00:03:47.052 --> 00:03:48.480 - See, now back to you Mrs. Doubtfire 104 00:03:48.480 --> 00:03:50.260 for some more information on the incident 105 00:03:50.260 --> 00:03:52.140 in Ohambra that left nine people dead 106 00:03:52.140 --> 00:03:55.210 and another in critical condition, what happened? 107 00:03:55.210 --> 00:03:57.627 (evil laugh) 108 00:03:58.730 --> 00:04:00.893 - It was a drive by fruiting. 109 00:04:00.893 --> 00:04:03.670 (laughing) 110 00:04:03.670 --> 00:04:05.970 But seriously, a lot of people died. 111 00:04:05.970 --> 00:04:07.960 - Well, that's all the time we have. 112 00:04:07.960 --> 00:04:10.230 Special congrats to our loser this week. 113 00:04:10.230 --> 00:04:11.700 We aren't supposed to smile or laugh 114 00:04:11.700 --> 00:04:14.530 and you were terrible, Erika. 115 00:04:14.530 --> 00:04:15.600 - Surprising no one. 116 00:04:15.600 --> 00:04:18.760 Why did you give me such a Mrs. Doubtfire heavy script? 117 00:04:18.760 --> 00:04:22.340 - Listen, it's a classic for some reason, 118 00:04:22.340 --> 00:04:25.870 even though real iffy in terms of the politics. 119 00:04:25.870 --> 00:04:28.520 - And it was fun 'cause I got to talk about my balls.