WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.190 --> 00:00:02.530 - [Announcer] From West Hollywood, California, 2 00:00:02.530 --> 00:00:04.330 the only news team that doesn't know 3 00:00:04.330 --> 00:00:07.050 what's on the teleprompter before they read it. 4 00:00:07.050 --> 00:00:10.070 Anyone who laughs or breaks loses points. 5 00:00:10.070 --> 00:00:12.683 This is Breaking News. 6 00:00:14.420 --> 00:00:16.190 - Hello and welcome to Breaking News, 7 00:00:16.190 --> 00:00:17.870 the show where we don't know what we're about to say, 8 00:00:17.870 --> 00:00:19.330 and we're not allowed to smile or laugh. 9 00:00:19.330 --> 00:00:20.840 I'm Mike Crap. 10 00:00:20.840 --> 00:00:22.770 - And I'm Laci Crap. 11 00:00:22.770 --> 00:00:26.170 Our top story tonight, we're all going to the beach. 12 00:00:26.170 --> 00:00:28.050 - That's right, this weekend, your news team 13 00:00:28.050 --> 00:00:30.300 will load up in Laci's car and head to-- 14 00:00:30.300 --> 00:00:32.348 - Wait, I'm sorry, wouldn't your car be better? 15 00:00:32.348 --> 00:00:34.310 - It's just, it's a long drive, and your car 16 00:00:34.310 --> 00:00:35.220 gets such good mileage. 17 00:00:35.220 --> 00:00:38.250 - Yeah sure, but your has those big back seats so, 18 00:00:38.250 --> 00:00:39.670 we could have sex in them. 19 00:00:39.670 --> 00:00:41.920 (giggling) 20 00:00:46.610 --> 00:00:47.899 You were gonna take... 21 00:00:47.899 --> 00:00:49.730 (laughing) 22 00:00:49.730 --> 00:00:51.273 We're gonna take your car. 23 00:00:52.670 --> 00:00:55.120 - Now that that's settled, we'll be our way 24 00:00:55.120 --> 00:00:56.100 to Wilber Beach. 25 00:00:56.100 --> 00:00:57.960 There's nothing like a Saturday at the ocean. 26 00:00:57.960 --> 00:01:00.130 It's the thrill of walking on sand in flip flops 27 00:01:00.130 --> 00:01:02.570 combined with the excitement of carrying a chair. 28 00:01:02.570 --> 00:01:04.790 Beach chairs, that winning combination of flimsy 29 00:01:04.790 --> 00:01:06.470 and very heavy. 30 00:01:06.470 --> 00:01:07.820 - How's the water, you ask? 31 00:01:07.820 --> 00:01:08.710 Polluted. 32 00:01:08.710 --> 00:01:13.007 All our coastlines are, but... 33 00:01:13.007 --> 00:01:16.270 But the acne and yeast infection it gives me 34 00:01:16.270 --> 00:01:19.490 will be worth it for the pleasure of touching seaweed 35 00:01:19.490 --> 00:01:21.430 and stepping on sharp rocks. 36 00:01:21.430 --> 00:01:23.050 - And don't get me started on parking! 37 00:01:23.050 --> 00:01:24.130 What a joy! 38 00:01:24.130 --> 00:01:26.540 The lot nearby is run by a dude who looks lik a cigarette 39 00:01:26.540 --> 00:01:28.050 holding a hand painted sign. 40 00:01:28.050 --> 00:01:29.880 It will be full by 6:45 in the morning, 41 00:01:29.880 --> 00:01:31.390 so we'll end up parking in the neighborhood, 42 00:01:31.390 --> 00:01:33.220 and walking 11 miles with a cooler. 43 00:01:33.220 --> 00:01:34.500 A joy! 44 00:01:34.500 --> 00:01:36.150 - I can't wait to think 45 00:01:36.150 --> 00:01:39.590 that every shadow in the water is a shark. 46 00:01:39.590 --> 00:01:41.440 Here to give us the forecast this weekend 47 00:01:41.440 --> 00:01:42.760 is Ryan Crap. 48 00:01:42.760 --> 00:01:44.760 - Hi, I'm Ryan Crap, here to tell you about 49 00:01:44.760 --> 00:01:46.410 the wet weather we've got coming. 50 00:01:46.410 --> 00:01:48.550 It's tough to put into words, so I'm going to make 51 00:01:48.550 --> 00:01:52.470 wet mouth sounds right now to get the point across. 52 00:01:52.470 --> 00:01:55.053 (moist sounds) 53 00:01:57.460 --> 00:01:58.293 That's pretty much it. 54 00:01:58.293 --> 00:02:00.730 I know that's bad news for all of you outdoors-y folks, 55 00:02:00.730 --> 00:02:02.940 but don't worry, it's going to dry out soon. 56 00:02:02.940 --> 00:02:04.370 How dry will it get? 57 00:02:04.370 --> 00:02:05.990 I've got some flour right here. 58 00:02:05.990 --> 00:02:09.140 I'm going to put a spoonful of it in my mouth 59 00:02:09.140 --> 00:02:11.950 so I can imitate how dry it will be. 60 00:02:11.950 --> 00:02:15.880 Ah, fantastic, it is a very large bowl of flour. 61 00:02:15.880 --> 00:02:18.743 Here is a (chuckles) spoonful of it. 62 00:02:19.640 --> 00:02:20.473 - Oh. 63 00:02:24.507 --> 00:02:26.245 (laughing) 64 00:02:26.245 --> 00:02:29.049 - There's bad news coming, because it's going to get windy. 65 00:02:29.049 --> 00:02:29.882 How windy? 66 00:02:32.967 --> 00:02:34.599 I'll whistle to demonstrate. 67 00:02:34.599 --> 00:02:36.511 (laughing) 68 00:02:36.511 --> 00:02:39.844 (coughing and laughing) 69 00:02:42.530 --> 00:02:45.410 Don't worry though, it'll get warm again soon. 70 00:02:45.410 --> 00:02:47.200 Oh my god, how hot will it get? 71 00:02:47.200 --> 00:02:50.180 I'll rub this flour on my face like it's makeup 72 00:02:50.180 --> 00:02:52.660 to demonstrate hotness. 73 00:02:52.660 --> 00:02:55.660 I would love to know the name of exactly who wrote this one. 74 00:02:59.170 --> 00:03:01.510 Ah, back to you in the studio. 75 00:03:01.510 --> 00:03:02.540 - Thanks, Ryan. 76 00:03:02.540 --> 00:03:05.410 Finally tonight, we go to recap reporter, Ally Crap. 77 00:03:05.410 --> 00:03:06.670 Ally, are you with us? 78 00:03:06.670 --> 00:03:07.610 - I am, Mike. 79 00:03:07.610 --> 00:03:09.510 - Ally, I have a terrible head injury, 80 00:03:09.510 --> 00:03:11.440 and as such, my short term memory is gone. 81 00:03:11.440 --> 00:03:13.130 Would you repeat everything that's been said 82 00:03:13.130 --> 00:03:15.700 in the boradcast so far, word for word from memory? 83 00:03:15.700 --> 00:03:17.470 - Certainly. 84 00:03:17.470 --> 00:03:21.310 Hi, welcome to Breaking News, where we don't know 85 00:03:21.310 --> 00:03:25.480 what we're about to say, and we can't smile or laugh, 86 00:03:25.480 --> 00:03:28.740 and then Laci, even though you're a married man, 87 00:03:28.740 --> 00:03:30.120 said she's going to have sex with you 88 00:03:30.120 --> 00:03:31.510 in the back of your car. 89 00:03:31.510 --> 00:03:35.160 - There's lots of space back there was my understanding. 90 00:03:35.160 --> 00:03:39.550 - And then Ryan ate a bunch of that flour. 91 00:03:39.550 --> 00:03:40.450 - Oh, here you go. 92 00:03:41.770 --> 00:03:42.723 - Absolutely not. 93 00:03:43.910 --> 00:03:46.760 And then Ryan did one of these things, 94 00:03:46.760 --> 00:03:50.593 and then put it on his face, and then 95 00:03:50.593 --> 00:03:53.503 some of the rocks at the beach are pretty sharp. 96 00:03:54.620 --> 00:03:56.860 Back to you, Mike and Laci. 97 00:03:56.860 --> 00:03:58.610 - Thanks, Ally, that does it for us, 98 00:03:58.610 --> 00:03:59.910 but before we go, we'd like to announce that 99 00:03:59.910 --> 00:04:01.692 today's loser is Ally. 100 00:04:01.692 --> 00:04:04.696 (applauding) 101 00:04:04.696 --> 00:04:06.321 (laughing) 102 00:04:06.321 --> 00:04:07.471 Thank you for watching. 103 00:04:11.280 --> 00:04:12.230 - Flour tastes bad.