WEBVTT

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- [Narrator] From West
Hollywood California,

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the only news team that doesn't know

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what's on the teleprompter
before they read it.

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Anyone who laughs or breaks loses points.

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This is Breaking News.

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- Good evening...

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Everyone.

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Welcome to Breaking News,

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the show where we have no
idea what we're about to say,

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and we aren't allowed to smile or laugh.

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I'm Prune Hub.

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- And I'm Tom Wanks.

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- What?

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- [Prune Hub] Oh no.

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For the duration of this episode,

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I will be holding these two dumbbells out.

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- No!

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- And I..

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- I have arthritis for real.

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In my, in my shoulders!

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- That's true!

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- And I will be wearing
this mouth prop for the dur-

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- Oh no.

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- Entire duration of this episode.

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Am I wearing it right?

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- Put it sideways sideways

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- Yeah.

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- Like that?

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- [Prune Hub] This goes on your lip.

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- Oh.

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- Yeah right, exactly.

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- I did it.

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- Oh god!

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- [Diane] I can't it was killing me!

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- Okay.

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Our first story takes
place at the Y, M, C, A.

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Ah!

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The city tested the water
at the YMCA's pool and

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found it was 99% old
people hair and somehow

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just 1% water.

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YMCA members were livid
with the YMC rap attack.

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A DJ and YMCA member said,

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"This is disgusting I am
never coming back to the

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YMCA ever again.

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The YMCA has screwed me
over for the last time,

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I'll see uh to my revenge
on the Y uh the the uh,

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this life or the next".

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Of when, when asked...

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- It hurts!

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Ah!

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- When asked for comment,

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the Y just responded with Y stands for Yo,

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C for stand for Christian still,

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M stands for Men,

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A stands for association.

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- Thanks Prune Hub.

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(inaudible)

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(laughing)

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- And his first leisure hearing since

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he announced his retirement..

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(inaudible)

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- Wow!

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Now that's a line up.

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If only the village people,

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this is the greatest of Y, M, C, A

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were also there.

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Ah!

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- [Tom Wanks] Yeah sure.

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Comedy acts will include,

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the dentist from the higher
alidia dated actor The Dentist,

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the production assistant from
the T.V show Workaholics,

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and Danica Patrick.

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You know Danica Patrick right?

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From those GoDaddy commercials..

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- Well she's doing stand up now

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and it's a sight to see.

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- It sounds like it'll be..

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A really good time!

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Now,

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let's go to answer a place
where sand comes from on

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the beach.

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Our reporter who's standing all uh,

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one of those little wobbly
balance boards down by the street

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and uh whoa Diane how's
it going down there?

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- Oh my god you've got to be..

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Ah!

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Jesus.

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- Oh no.

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- To seal the lingo some
of the people down here

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I'd say it's a real...

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Hang ten!

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Cowabunga dude.

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The waves are gnarly right now

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I saw a sweet swell that
must've been as high as

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a helicopter foll...

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following a high speed chase on the 101.

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Forecast says it's
nothing but sun and shine

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down here.

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- Have you been eating
any good BBQ down there?

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- You know what,

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I gotta bulk up you know.

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With my routine and all
the stuff that's happening

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right now.

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- Ah hell yeah.

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- A really big Mantaray
actually ate my dog Peppers.

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(Inaudible)

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- That's a horrifying
story and I wish you never

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told me that it really
hurts to look at you.

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I just can't!

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- This is awful all of this is awful.

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- Oh no.

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- Someimes I wish I could
apply as the Mayor from Jaws

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and see how I would
handle the situation if

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a Great White Shark was attacking my town.

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- Well...

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I wish you the best..

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You know I realize the longer I speak,

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the longer the YMCA..

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- We gotta talk faster!

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- And shred the gnar.

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- And now we take you
to the Gordan Ramitinme

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reporting on traffic.

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- Thanks Prune Hub..

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Ah!!

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- Oh no!

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- I appear to be reporting
from the scene in a

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normal manner.

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No challenge yet.

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Ah!

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Traffic appears to be doing pretty well

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on the 101 and 405.

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The idiots are leaving their
jobs to just go home to

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their big mansions in the valley.

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There's a huge traffic jam on Sunset

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because everyone's there!

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Everyone's rushing to be first
in line for an improv show.

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Traffic is crazy towards the
Hollywood Bowl because all

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four Beatles have been
reincarnated and are now playing a

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bunch of songs!

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And that's traffic.

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- Uh thanks Gordan Ramitinme well that's

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all the time we have for tonight.

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- Before we go,

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our loser of the week is Erika.

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Thanks for watching!

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- Oh my god.

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- [Gordan Ramitinme] Oh!

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I will beat you up!

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- You all knew this was happening!

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Every single one of you
was conspiring against us!

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- I'm so upset.

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- You knew!

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- This is a bad show,

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we shouldn't make this show anymore.

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Uh who wrote this?

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Who's wrote this?

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I'm gonna find out who wrote this

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and I'm gonna Tweet about it.

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- We're gonna kill them!