WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.400 - [Announcer] From West Hollywood, California, 2 00:00:02.400 --> 00:00:04.210 the only news team that doesn't know 3 00:00:04.210 --> 00:00:06.930 what's on the teleprompter before they read it. 4 00:00:06.930 --> 00:00:09.930 Anyone who laughs or breaks, loses points. 5 00:00:09.930 --> 00:00:12.563 This is Breaking News. 6 00:00:14.200 --> 00:00:15.750 - Hello and welcome to Breaking News. 7 00:00:15.750 --> 00:00:17.360 The show where we have no idea what we're 8 00:00:17.360 --> 00:00:18.930 about to say and we aren't allowed 9 00:00:18.930 --> 00:00:20.240 to smile or laugh. 10 00:00:20.240 --> 00:00:21.980 I'm Smegan Heaven. 11 00:00:21.980 --> 00:00:24.710 - And I'm Trombone Toot-Toot. 12 00:00:24.710 --> 00:00:25.543 - Our first story today, 13 00:00:25.543 --> 00:00:26.960 - Our first story today, 14 00:00:26.960 --> 00:00:28.099 - [Both Together] Those eggheads 15 00:00:28.099 --> 00:00:31.870 over at Webster's Dictionary have done it again. 16 00:00:31.870 --> 00:00:33.860 They've announce their new list of words 17 00:00:33.860 --> 00:00:36.270 that we must add into our vocabulary 18 00:00:36.270 --> 00:00:37.571 or face punishment. 19 00:00:37.571 --> 00:00:39.200 These words include: 20 00:00:39.200 --> 00:00:42.851 - Argonauts, a person whose parents conceived them 21 00:00:42.851 --> 00:00:47.187 while watching the 2012 film, "Argo". 22 00:00:47.187 --> 00:00:49.700 - Stan, the name of my dermatologist 23 00:00:49.700 --> 00:00:51.581 who won't get a drink with me. 24 00:00:51.581 --> 00:00:54.140 - And fluffster, a fluffer looking 25 00:00:54.140 --> 00:00:55.340 for work on Friendster. 26 00:00:55.340 --> 00:00:56.720 - You guys remember Friendster. 27 00:00:56.720 --> 00:00:57.600 I doubt it. 28 00:00:57.600 --> 00:00:59.060 My son created Friendster, 29 00:00:59.060 --> 00:01:00.250 and I barely remember it. 30 00:01:00.250 --> 00:01:01.640 That little twerp. 31 00:01:01.640 --> 00:01:03.010 - Your son is a twerp. 32 00:01:03.010 --> 00:01:04.170 - Thank you. 33 00:01:04.170 --> 00:01:06.549 Now, to the traffic report with Baby Fump. 34 00:01:06.549 --> 00:01:07.477 - Thank you. 35 00:01:07.477 --> 00:01:09.180 For the record, I'm an adult, 36 00:01:09.180 --> 00:01:10.700 even though my name is Baby Fump. 37 00:01:10.700 --> 00:01:13.430 Traffic is slow, so slow today. 38 00:01:13.430 --> 00:01:14.541 Come on, give it to me. 39 00:01:14.541 --> 00:01:16.290 - [Both Together] How slow is it? 40 00:01:16.290 --> 00:01:19.830 - Traffic is so slow that hundreds of cars 41 00:01:19.830 --> 00:01:21.060 are filling up with farts, 42 00:01:21.060 --> 00:01:22.570 but it's too hot to open a window 43 00:01:22.570 --> 00:01:24.010 to let the farts out. 44 00:01:24.010 --> 00:01:25.600 So all the toots are condensing 45 00:01:25.600 --> 00:01:27.523 inside everyone's cars. 46 00:01:27.523 --> 00:01:28.356 - I don't get it. 47 00:01:28.356 --> 00:01:32.170 - I do and it makes me a horny little Epi-pen. 48 00:01:32.170 --> 00:01:33.580 - And to make things worse, 49 00:01:33.580 --> 00:01:36.140 all the radio stations are playing non-stop clips 50 00:01:36.140 --> 00:01:37.550 of Terry Gross yawning. 51 00:01:37.550 --> 00:01:39.040 - Oh my god, that'll never stop. 52 00:01:39.040 --> 00:01:40.050 - Yes Smegan. 53 00:01:40.050 --> 00:01:42.010 So if you're getting in a car right now 54 00:01:42.010 --> 00:01:43.300 to go drive to work, 55 00:01:43.300 --> 00:01:47.795 I'd suggest avoiding the 85, the 101, and the 420. 56 00:01:47.795 --> 00:01:51.145 Oh wait, that last one is my favorite weed integer. 57 00:01:51.145 --> 00:01:52.287 - Me too! 58 00:01:52.287 --> 00:01:56.340 - My suggestion, take the 10 and get off at exit 34 59 00:01:56.340 --> 00:01:59.260 and stop by Denny's and get slammed by pancakes. 60 00:01:59.260 --> 00:02:02.060 Denny's the home for people banned from IHOP. 61 00:02:02.060 --> 00:02:03.200 - Thank you Baby Bump. 62 00:02:03.200 --> 00:02:06.570 Well, it's day 120 of our never-ending state fair. 63 00:02:06.570 --> 00:02:10.190 Today organizers are holding the annual Biggest Hog contest. 64 00:02:10.190 --> 00:02:12.290 - That sounds like a contest my husband could win. 65 00:02:12.290 --> 00:02:13.830 - What do you mean by that? 66 00:02:13.830 --> 00:02:16.910 - Well I mean that my husband is a large hog. 67 00:02:16.910 --> 00:02:18.450 He's a large hog of a man. 68 00:02:18.450 --> 00:02:22.051 A very round gentleman who snuffles his little snout 69 00:02:22.051 --> 00:02:25.571 around in his plate looking for a delicious morsel to eat. 70 00:02:25.571 --> 00:02:28.160 In that way he's very similar to a large hog, 71 00:02:28.160 --> 00:02:30.120 and I think that, you'll find that the two 72 00:02:30.120 --> 00:02:31.300 have a lot in common. 73 00:02:31.300 --> 00:02:32.281 In fact- 74 00:02:32.281 --> 00:02:34.510 (giggling) 75 00:02:34.510 --> 00:02:35.960 Yeah he's a large hog 76 00:02:35.960 --> 00:02:37.760 and I think he could win the competition. 77 00:02:37.760 --> 00:02:38.617 - Disgusting. 78 00:02:38.617 --> 00:02:41.100 We now have Maximillian Chungus 79 00:02:41.100 --> 00:02:42.750 reporting from the county fair. 80 00:02:42.750 --> 00:02:43.840 Chungus? 81 00:02:43.840 --> 00:02:45.010 - Thanks Toot-toot. 82 00:02:45.010 --> 00:02:46.290 I'm here at the county fair 83 00:02:46.290 --> 00:02:49.180 where they just concluded the Biggest Hog contest. 84 00:02:49.180 --> 00:02:51.350 The winner was a piggy named Tony Hawk, 85 00:02:51.350 --> 00:02:53.460 owned by my guest, Tina Hawk. 86 00:02:53.460 --> 00:02:56.060 Tina, congratulations on your big pig. 87 00:02:56.060 --> 00:02:57.976 What are 10 things you feed it? 88 00:02:57.976 --> 00:02:59.779 - Oh, I feed it a lot of stuff. 89 00:02:59.779 --> 00:03:04.314 Asparagus, milk, water, juice, orange juice, 90 00:03:04.314 --> 00:03:08.915 liquids, diet pills, Coca-cola, 91 00:03:08.915 --> 00:03:12.663 egg salad, and tuna salad. 92 00:03:14.010 --> 00:03:15.310 - Interesting. 93 00:03:15.310 --> 00:03:17.150 I'd have thought you'd have fed it 94 00:03:18.378 --> 00:03:19.528 salmon, Salman Rushdie, 95 00:03:21.859 --> 00:03:25.567 Sam and Diane, Samsonite luggage, 96 00:03:27.720 --> 00:03:30.355 salmon again- 97 00:03:30.355 --> 00:03:31.490 - Halfway through. 98 00:03:31.490 --> 00:03:33.733 - Sam Goody gift cards, 99 00:03:34.852 --> 00:03:39.852 Sam and- 100 00:03:40.511 --> 00:03:41.485 - You said Diane already. 101 00:03:41.485 --> 00:03:42.318 - Um, Diane again. 102 00:03:42.318 --> 00:03:43.710 (laughing) 103 00:03:43.710 --> 00:03:45.006 - That's what you would've thought? 104 00:03:45.006 --> 00:03:45.839 - That's what I would've thought. It was that that's- 105 00:03:45.839 --> 00:03:46.672 - You have three more, 106 00:03:46.672 --> 00:03:48.761 and you've said all sam things so far. 107 00:03:48.761 --> 00:03:50.200 - And I thought she would've fed it 108 00:03:50.200 --> 00:03:52.040 milk and and uh- 109 00:03:52.040 --> 00:03:52.873 - I said milk. 110 00:03:52.873 --> 00:03:54.150 - Oh, you said milk. Interesting. 111 00:03:54.150 --> 00:03:54.983 Well cool cool. 112 00:03:54.983 --> 00:03:55.816 How about milk and cookies. 113 00:03:55.816 --> 00:03:56.649 You said milk already. 114 00:03:56.649 --> 00:03:59.430 Cookies, and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, 115 00:03:59.430 --> 00:04:00.880 and a Toblerone. 116 00:04:00.880 --> 00:04:03.920 - Chungus, I'm told that you and Tina got to spend some time 117 00:04:03.920 --> 00:04:05.560 riding the rides this morning, 118 00:04:05.560 --> 00:04:06.907 what were your top three? 119 00:04:06.907 --> 00:04:08.270 - Wow. 120 00:04:08.270 --> 00:04:10.564 - Wow. I love that question. 121 00:04:10.564 --> 00:04:11.397 - Thank you. 122 00:04:11.397 --> 00:04:15.910 - My top one, was the wheels that spin around, 123 00:04:15.910 --> 00:04:16.850 where you get inside a tire 124 00:04:16.850 --> 00:04:18.700 and then they kind of spin you on a rope. 125 00:04:18.700 --> 00:04:20.140 - Yeah, they take you on a rope. 126 00:04:20.140 --> 00:04:22.203 They spin you until you go downhill in a tire. 127 00:04:22.203 --> 00:04:23.036 You're- 128 00:04:23.036 --> 00:04:23.869 - What's that called? 129 00:04:23.869 --> 00:04:24.960 - Huh? 130 00:04:24.960 --> 00:04:25.793 - What's the name of that ride? 131 00:04:25.793 --> 00:04:28.340 It's called I'm Stuck in a Car. 132 00:04:28.340 --> 00:04:29.173 - [Trapp] Okay. 133 00:04:29.173 --> 00:04:30.610 - And they roll you down a hill, 134 00:04:30.610 --> 00:04:32.690 full speed while you're in a tire. 135 00:04:32.690 --> 00:04:33.523 Your head's banging 136 00:04:33.523 --> 00:04:34.356 (giggling) 137 00:04:34.356 --> 00:04:35.189 against the ground constantly. 138 00:04:35.189 --> 00:04:37.270 They roll you straight into the river. 139 00:04:37.270 --> 00:04:39.300 - Yeah, you get points if you get hurt. 140 00:04:39.300 --> 00:04:41.280 - Alright. Well I did ask for three rides, 141 00:04:41.280 --> 00:04:42.380 so can you name two more 142 00:04:42.380 --> 00:04:44.110 and remember they can be literally anything. 143 00:04:44.110 --> 00:04:45.050 - Absolutely. 144 00:04:45.050 --> 00:04:48.210 - Yeah, my other one was that rollercoaster 145 00:04:48.210 --> 00:04:49.443 that was made out of old cars. 146 00:04:49.443 --> 00:04:50.730 - Oh yeah. 147 00:04:50.730 --> 00:04:53.400 The rollercoaster made out of old cars is fantastic. 148 00:04:53.400 --> 00:04:55.382 It's a bunch of Model T cars 149 00:04:55.382 --> 00:04:59.520 and they're just rickety-ing up an endless wooden hill. 150 00:04:59.520 --> 00:05:00.830 Tina, what did you think of that? 151 00:05:00.830 --> 00:05:02.580 - Well I actually loved it too, 152 00:05:02.580 --> 00:05:04.430 but then we were told later it wasn't a ride 153 00:05:04.430 --> 00:05:05.518 and we were being taken. 154 00:05:05.518 --> 00:05:07.395 (giggling) 155 00:05:07.395 --> 00:05:09.730 - Man alive, I'd hate all those rides. 156 00:05:09.730 --> 00:05:10.659 - Me too. 157 00:05:10.659 --> 00:05:12.280 That's it for us today. 158 00:05:12.280 --> 00:05:14.930 - But before we go, a special round of applause 159 00:05:14.930 --> 00:05:17.582 for this week's loser, Raphael Chestang. 160 00:05:17.582 --> 00:05:18.840 (groan) 161 00:05:18.840 --> 00:05:21.090 (applause) 162 00:05:22.390 --> 00:05:24.270 - Thanks, that makes me feel better. 163 00:05:24.270 --> 00:05:25.624 Thank you for being with us, 164 00:05:25.624 --> 00:05:28.340 and playing next on YouTube, 165 00:05:28.340 --> 00:05:31.513 pornography for dogs but written by cats?