WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.440 - [Narrator] From West Hollywood California 2 00:00:02.440 --> 00:00:04.210 the only news team that doesn't know 3 00:00:04.210 --> 00:00:06.930 what's on the teleprompter before they read it. 4 00:00:06.930 --> 00:00:09.940 Anyone who laughs or breaks loses points. 5 00:00:09.940 --> 00:00:12.563 This is Breaking News. 6 00:00:15.060 --> 00:00:17.150 - Good Evening and welcome to Breaking News, 7 00:00:17.150 --> 00:00:19.400 where we have no idea what we're about to say 8 00:00:19.400 --> 00:00:21.820 and we're not allowed to smile or laugh. 9 00:00:21.820 --> 00:00:23.420 - I'm Dimp Salad 10 00:00:23.420 --> 00:00:24.770 - And I'm Dump Salad 11 00:00:24.770 --> 00:00:26.640 - And we're the Salad Twins 12 00:00:26.640 --> 00:00:28.820 - The only Salad Twins who do the news on TV 13 00:00:28.820 --> 00:00:30.968 as part of the court mandated community service 14 00:00:30.968 --> 00:00:33.630 we got for drinking our neighbor's pool. 15 00:00:33.630 --> 00:00:34.960 - Today's top story, 16 00:00:34.960 --> 00:00:37.980 Author's found a picture of a sexy guy 17 00:00:37.980 --> 00:00:41.160 on a computer in Japan and it's a whole thing. 18 00:00:41.160 --> 00:00:43.320 - No word as to how the computer 19 00:00:43.320 --> 00:00:45.480 got to have the picture of the sexy guy on it 20 00:00:45.480 --> 00:00:48.610 or how the guy got to be so sexy, 21 00:00:48.610 --> 00:00:50.219 but local police are investigating 22 00:00:50.219 --> 00:00:53.440 with their shirts off, ooh-la-la. 23 00:00:53.440 --> 00:00:55.370 - For more on this developing story 24 00:00:55.370 --> 00:00:59.350 we go to our meteorologist, Lips Aloha 25 00:00:59.350 --> 00:01:02.190 because our pornography reporter 26 00:01:02.190 --> 00:01:04.940 drowned at the mall, Lips. 27 00:01:04.940 --> 00:01:06.000 - Thanks Dimp. 28 00:01:06.000 --> 00:01:07.510 Don't know much about this story 29 00:01:07.510 --> 00:01:08.980 since I really just do the weather, 30 00:01:08.980 --> 00:01:11.750 but I can tell you today's forecast in Japan 31 00:01:11.750 --> 00:01:13.387 is partly cloudy with a chance of slime. 32 00:01:13.387 --> 00:01:15.650 And the guy in that picture on that computer 33 00:01:15.650 --> 00:01:17.510 sounds sexy as fuck. 34 00:01:17.510 --> 00:01:19.040 - Tell me about it, Lips. 35 00:01:19.040 --> 00:01:20.640 - No. Tell me. 36 00:01:20.640 --> 00:01:21.662 - I'll tell you both. 37 00:01:21.662 --> 00:01:24.250 I've just been informed by authorities 38 00:01:24.250 --> 00:01:26.370 that they've placed the computer in a jail cell 39 00:01:26.370 --> 00:01:28.740 where it will remain while it awaits trial. 40 00:01:28.740 --> 00:01:30.200 - Disturbing developments, Lips. 41 00:01:30.200 --> 00:01:32.870 I don't care how sexy the guy in the picture was, 42 00:01:32.870 --> 00:01:35.090 it's a sad day when we start locking up 43 00:01:35.090 --> 00:01:37.000 perfectly good computers for sharing 44 00:01:37.000 --> 00:01:38.760 their beautiful pornography with us. 45 00:01:38.760 --> 00:01:40.190 - Well said, Dump. 46 00:01:40.190 --> 00:01:41.265 - Damp. 47 00:01:41.265 --> 00:01:42.800 - Dimp. 48 00:01:42.800 --> 00:01:43.633 - Lips. 49 00:01:43.633 --> 00:01:46.240 Is there any word on who's representing 50 00:01:46.240 --> 00:01:47.820 the computer in court? 51 00:01:47.820 --> 00:01:48.690 - Not yet, Dimp. 52 00:01:48.690 --> 00:01:51.440 But I am hearing that the prosecutor is dead 53 00:01:51.440 --> 00:01:53.845 so the odds are in the defense's favor. 54 00:01:53.845 --> 00:01:55.047 - Glad to hear it. 55 00:01:55.047 --> 00:01:58.156 Now, for the latest in glitz and glam. 56 00:01:58.156 --> 00:02:02.173 We go to our fashion corespondent, Famous Groin. 57 00:02:02.173 --> 00:02:03.813 Famous, baby, 58 00:02:03.813 --> 00:02:05.325 what's hot out there? 59 00:02:05.325 --> 00:02:06.862 - Lobsters, Dimp. 60 00:02:06.862 --> 00:02:07.695 - (laughs) 61 00:02:07.695 --> 00:02:09.045 - That's right, lobsters. 62 00:02:09.045 --> 00:02:11.280 The fucked up freaks from the ocean 63 00:02:11.280 --> 00:02:13.018 are officially in. 64 00:02:13.018 --> 00:02:14.547 - Interesting. 65 00:02:14.547 --> 00:02:16.439 Now, Famous, are we talking 66 00:02:16.439 --> 00:02:20.290 lobsters for supper or lobsters for friendship? 67 00:02:20.290 --> 00:02:21.240 - Neither, Dimp. 68 00:02:21.240 --> 00:02:23.760 The hot new trend is lobsters walking around 69 00:02:23.760 --> 00:02:25.990 and pinching their claws and looking all freaky 70 00:02:25.990 --> 00:02:29.237 all the time, 24/7, just for the hell of it. 71 00:02:29.237 --> 00:02:30.900 - Astounding. 72 00:02:30.900 --> 00:02:32.718 - It certainly is, Dimp. 73 00:02:32.718 --> 00:02:34.527 - Famous, my friend. 74 00:02:34.527 --> 00:02:36.900 - Dump, my darling. 75 00:02:36.900 --> 00:02:39.258 - Is this lobster madness just a passing fade- 76 00:02:39.258 --> 00:02:43.650 fad, or are these motherfuckers here to stay? 77 00:02:43.650 --> 00:02:46.410 - Too soon to tell, Dump, but my style scientists 78 00:02:46.410 --> 00:02:48.287 have looked at the data and they all agree 79 00:02:48.287 --> 00:02:51.260 it's lobster time, amigo. 80 00:02:51.260 --> 00:02:53.748 - I see, in other words it's time to jump 81 00:02:53.748 --> 00:02:58.428 on the lobster express and take it straight to new Lobcity. 82 00:02:58.428 --> 00:03:03.040 #GetUrLOBon #SteeerItUp #LegoMyLobsto 83 00:03:05.436 --> 00:03:06.735 - Exactly! 84 00:03:06.735 --> 00:03:07.760 Dimp gets it. 85 00:03:07.760 --> 00:03:08.710 - Me too! 86 00:03:08.710 --> 00:03:12.020 - And so does the dumpster! Wow, two out of two 87 00:03:12.020 --> 00:03:14.240 salad twins get the thing about lobsters and 88 00:03:14.240 --> 00:03:15.260 that's the news! 89 00:03:15.260 --> 00:03:17.260 - It certainly is, Groin boy. 90 00:03:17.260 --> 00:03:18.930 - Well that's all the time we have today, 91 00:03:18.930 --> 00:03:20.090 but before we go. 92 00:03:20.090 --> 00:03:22.162 My dimp twin has a very special announcement. 93 00:03:22.162 --> 00:03:23.500 - Thanks, Dimp. 94 00:03:23.500 --> 00:03:25.937 Hi. I'm Dim Salad. 95 00:03:25.937 --> 00:03:27.130 - Hi. 96 00:03:27.130 --> 00:03:28.060 - Hi. 97 00:03:28.060 --> 00:03:29.320 - Hi. 98 00:03:29.320 --> 00:03:30.153 - Hi. 99 00:03:30.153 --> 00:03:32.720 - Moments ago, our producer informed me that 100 00:03:32.720 --> 00:03:34.890 while all of us did a bad job here today 101 00:03:34.890 --> 00:03:38.730 we have to announce that this week's loser is Tao. 102 00:03:38.730 --> 00:03:40.220 - Oh, come on. 103 00:03:40.220 --> 00:03:42.060 - Thank for watching. 104 00:03:42.060 --> 00:03:43.200 - Oh. 105 00:03:43.200 --> 00:03:44.540 - You still look great. 106 00:03:44.540 --> 00:03:45.710 - Thank you. 107 00:03:45.710 --> 00:03:47.110 I'll tell my dad about this.